Arod was dating Cameron Diaz with a bad shoulder

He's denying it, but hell, that's like Moamar Gaddafi denying his collection of Rosemary Clooney videos. The truth is coming out in drips and drabs - (BTW: What is a drab? is it worse than a drip?)

Arod was romancing Cameron Diaz in pain. He was loving hurt, his bat speed was off, he was checking his swing, getting extra treatment in the clubhouse, spending extra time in the hottub.

No big deal. But I worry that she never had a chance to enjoy the Alex of 2002-20007, the MVP years, before the hip injury. That's a shame. You'd like to think that when one of us is dating a Tinsel Town sugarcookie, he's on his primo game. Who knows, maybe that Super Bowl appearance, where she was stuffing popcorn in his mouth, he couldn't feed himself? His shoulder was aching.

But at least the news is out: He was hurt. He can heal. He can return to the glory days, maybe even have a career year. Because Arod has one mission before he leaves the Yankees.

The Fever Pitch broad.

Only until Arod has romanced her and dumped her will the ghosts of 2004 be driven from our minds.

The Big Man, the REAL CC, is gone

In 1974, I saw Springsteen at the Geneva Theater in Geneva, NY, a downtown movie house where you didn't want to put your hand under the seat, because of what might be there.

Early on, between each song, a drunken Hobart College lacrosse player named Green would scream, "CLARE-ANNNNCE" so hard his whole body shook. Then he'd yell, "Kitty's Back." The band ignored him, although it became harder to do. Green stood at the edge of the stage. He could practically touch them. 

Finally, Clarence walked over to the side, pointed his saxaphone like a gun at Green, and said, "YOU better watch out. Because Kitty's Back." Then they played it.

First time I'd ever seen anything so cool in rock n roll.

Never been the same.

Late last night, a buddy and I put on "Jungleland," turned it up full blast for the neighborhood, stood outside and yelled every word as loudly as we could. It just needed to happen.


Lonely-hearted lovers
Struggle in dark corners
Desperate as the night moves on
Just one look
And a whisper, and they're gone...

Russell Kept The Ball Safe And Secure

Yankee haters Joe Buck and Tim McCarver were also pretty safe and secure with their minimal description of this great play.

Somebody with a Yankee letterhead is screwing us

That's about all the sense I can make of this. Anybody able to translate?

Yankeetorial: Let's call it a victory if we leave Chicago without Zambrano

Shhhh. Listen. Hear it? Those beautiful sexy lady voices, off in the wind?

They're the Trade Sirens, singing their sweet melodies, seeking to lull us into giving up Mark Melancon for Dopey Dildox.

It's that time of year, MLB's annual raiding of the Yankee schooner ship.

You see it happen in slow motion. At first, we resist. Then the music drives us mad. We leap into the water and swim to them, then lug Rick Rhoden back to the boat.

We can't go on a road trip without every city's sportswriters quickly ginning up a rumor -- How about that Zambrano! He's been pitching well lately! -- and sometimes our own writers drink the house wine.

This year, no. No, God... no, no, NO.

Right now, Brian Cashman is leading candidate for the 2011 Boxcar Willie MLB Freegan Dumpster Diving Award - he's master of recycling - unless he bites on some overpriced fleabag like Carlos Zambrano. The beauty of signing nobodies is you're not suck with them. But Zambrano comes with a huge ball and chain: He'll need four or five starts before magically turning back that clock. Every time. "He's one start away from getting it back together..."

Thus, next month, when the Latino markets explode with 15-year-olds who have balls the size of Mars and Venus, we'll be factoring in Zambrano's contract, so the Cubs can bid up the price of Dominican beef. 

No, no, no. Stay the course. Our bullpen is better this year because we used nobodies. Yeah, we need a LOOGY. But please, God, spare us Zambrano.

PUT WAX IN YOUR EARS, EVERYBODY. DON'T LISTEN TO THEM.

The Cubs see us coming. They're praying for a quality start from Zambrano, just to deal him.What does that tell you? LALALALAA, I CAN'T HEAR A THING.

Alex Strikes Out In Chicago, But Scores In Vancouver

I don't know how he was able to manage to be in Vancouver on Thursday night and then in Chicago on Friday afternoon, but no wonder he looked so bad striking out in a key at bat in the 8th inning.

Chicago, Chicago That Toddlin Town

Chicago, Chicago that toddling town
Those Cubbies, those Cubbies, they're perennially clowns. I hate it
Bet your bottom dollar we'll lose a few in Chicago, Chicago
The town where 0-5 Doug Davis easily shut us down

On North Clark  Street, that great street, I just want to say
We do things we don't do on Broadway
Castro had the time, the time of his life
Our bats went dead, we looked like scared mice
In Chicago, Chicago, Joe Girardi's home town

Shocker: Gammons finds fault with Yankees

BREAKING _ The voice of the Redsocks, Peter Gammons, today is reporting that the Yankees tried to "tamper" with the highly coveted minor league superstar, Andrew Somethingorother. Fortunately, because of the young man's honesty - and the honesty of the Redsocks - the Yankee evil was thwarted. Until next time, crimestoppers... be prepared!

Linggggggks

Andre 3000 v Jeet 3000

Doc recommends alt-surgery for Joba

Posada photo shows 6 toes

Found: A Phillies fan

Open Letter to Arod: Call your shot today, because your top 10 list of greatest moments needs a boost

Dear Madam or Sir,

It's time to start thinking of the movie rights.

Yes, it's time to French kiss destiny, to stand before 50,000 adoring fans and a billion people watching at home... to point directly to Row 33 in the left-centerield seats of Wrigley Field, and then... deliver.

Until now, no single moment has defined your career. In fact, here are the top 10 alternatives.

1. Unsuccessfully "slapping" Bronson Arroyo in the 2004 ALCS playoffs.

2. Getting popcorn pushed into mouth by Cameron Diaz at 2011 Super Bowl.

3. Telling Katie Couric in 2007 never used performance enhancing drugs.

4. Telling press in 2009 that between 2000 and 2003, used performance enhancing drugs.

5. Hitting game-ending 2009 pop-up, which Mets Luis Castillo muffed, allowing Yankees to win.

6. Fighting Jason Varitek, who refused to take off mask, at home plate in 2004.

7. Hitting third home run off Bartolo Colon in one game in 2005.

8. Shouting "Ha!" in front of Blue Jay infielder, causing guy to drop pop fly and lose 2007.

9. Hitting game-tying home run in ninth off Twins closer Joe Nathan in 2009 ALDS.

10. Hitting game-tying home run in 11th off Angels closer Brian Fuenees in 2009 ALCS.

TODAY: CALLING SHOT AT WRIGLEY FIELD, ELECTRYING CROWD, MAKING AROD HISTORY.

Yankeetorial: It's time to address the gorilla in the room: Are we better off with Jeet hurt?

The answer is no. Absolutely not.

But by this time next year, we will be.

Hopefully, either the Mayans or Harold Camping will have been right, and the world will have ended.

If all of humanity dies, it would certainly take the sting out of benching Jeet. (He'd still get the back pages, of course; it's hard to say whether Weinergate will still have legs.) 

Still, we can't go forever like this. Everybody knows it. Jeet's days are numbered.

I think that's what Harold Camping was really alluding to, although because he's now sucking creamed corn through a tube, we can't know.

But this we do know: We're already better with Brett Gardner leading off. Last spring, this was Girardi's plan. Gards sucked through April, and even though Jeet hit into a billion doubleplays, he still looked Hall of Fame by comparison. Now, it's just weird, wondering why our best on-base threat is batting eighth or ninth?

But with Jeter on the verge of THREE THOUSAND HITS, we must use stealth. We can't make a big deal out of dropping him in the order. We must move secretly.

For starters, let's wait until Jeet reaches, say, THREE THOUSAND FIVE HITS and nobody gives a shit about the career numbers anymore, except for Fox News keeping tabs on Weingergate's Twitter totals. Then we give Jeet the "well-deserved day off." Let Edwardo "Noonie" Nunez play shortstop.

At the last minute, have the coaching staff give Nunez a painful cowbite, forcing him to be scratched. Hence, Jeet goes in, batting ninth, without changing the order. Everybody will say it doesn't matter. We win the game. Stick with it.

Presto. Jeet ninth. It gets us to 2012. From there, it's up to you, Mr. Asteroid.

We own Connecticut

First, I'm not sure if this is a good thing. But the world's most intense collection of rich, white, suburban, self-important, lobster-forked tongued, cosmetic surgery-tweaked, preppie asshole pieces of work roots for the Yankees. 

Yes, Connecticut is ours, according to the strangers who call you at home during dinner.

The New York Yankees top the Boston Red Sox 43 percent to 38 percent -- their biggest lead since 2007 -- in the Quinnipiac University poll’s annual Connecticut Pennant Race to determine who wins the heart of the state’s baseball fans.

The Mets finished third with 7 percent. (The others answered "Sarah Palin.")

Here's the rub:

Connecticut men back the Yankees. But the women favor the Redsocks.

This is what Betty Friedan wanted? To get laid in Connecticut, you have to lie? That children everywhere grow up in broken homes? That transgender individuals not only must undergo various surgeries, but they must also change the fundamental allegiances of their soul?

The Yankees must increase their Female Fan Friendly Outreach program, which heretofore has consisted of ARod and Jeet bedding as many women as possible. (Was it smart to put Bartolo Colon's face on the cover of our "Condoms for Cuties" pamphlet?)

I personally give two Yankee percentage points to Brian Cashman for climbing that building last winter. Still, if we keep losing to Boston, don't expect this lead to stand. Connecticut will swing. We have no bridge to Mariano or, for that matter, Hartford.

Boston Globe's Shaughnessy charged with plagiarism

I hope he gets sued.

Oww, Canada: Vancover fans lose, go Redsock on each other

Although there's no sign of a "Yankees suck" cheer.

Bardball: A Bridge Too Far

Who needs rhymes when the subject is Mariano?

John Saw A Fan Jump Up

from boomer and carton

What more can be said about the team of John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman and their “unique style” of calling a baseball game. Last night they were at it again on our sister station, WCBS 880, calling all of the action from last night’s Yankees 12-4 win over the Rangers at the Stadium in the Bronx. So just before Jerry “Rello” Recco’s first update of the morning, Boomer & Craig played a little game we like to call, “You Make the Call,” as a way of paying tribute to the Yankees’ radio broadcast team.
Then Jerry got down to business filling us in on all of the details from the Bombers’ win and we heard Suzyn talk about Mark Teixeira’s “back toe,” which to Sterling’s surprise, got hit by a pitch.

Yet Another Pitcher: Rumors Of Hiroki Kuroda

Could Hiroki be the son of the great Rocky Kuroda from My Favorite Year? If Rocky could handle Lanie Kazan, then Hiroki can surely handle the pressure of New York.

The Grand Cinema-to-Reality Experiment Begins Today: Yanks tab Roy Hobbs to pitch against Rangers

Today, the Yankees turn to a 32-year-old converted former outfielder, who was last seen 12 years ago throwing in a Iowa pasture against the famous barnstorming slugger Whammer "Bye-Bye" Balboni, whom he struck out on three pitches, allowing him to get laid by singer Courtney Love, causing him to shoot himself in the head, and disappear into the countryside of Eastern Pennsylvania.

Yesterday, the Yankees signed Brian Gordon, who it is believed has revived his career by drinking hydrofracking water straight from the Lehigh Valley wellhead, causing his right arm to glow in the dark. As a result, he has been unhittable, a veritable Cy Young of the International League.

If this experiment works, the Yankees will also look to sign 12-year-olds who have had their arms turned into rockets by surgery and the first high school math teacher who has discovered a substance that causes balls to avoid wood.

Yanks Sign Another Pitcher

In addition to Brian Gordon the Yankees have signed right-hander Cory Wade to a Major League contract and called him up to the Major League roster, reports MLB.com's Bryan Hoch. Wade signed a minor league deal with New York on Monday.

Still No HR Call For Eduardo

Another multi hit game for Eduardo including a homer. Is John showing his support for Derek by not
granting this young man his own call? My suggestion, "Eduardo Goes Yardo."