A hunka-hunka burnin' Christmas: The King and The Master welcome The Sant Man

 

Did the Yankees just find their leftfielder?

His name is Michael Hermosillo. He'll turn 28 next month. He's a dirt league stalwart who never hit a Rice Crispy in The Show: .167, 4 HRs, 4 SBs, over 103 career games. He's said to be a solid fielder, can play CF, firm handshake, flushes the toilet, likes sunset strolls along the beach.

Okay, I made up the last part. Maybe he hates beaches. Who cares? 

Yesterday, he turned up under our tree, a Cashman Christmas cutie, plucked from the scrap heap while we were out navigating Walmart.

The next Gio Urshella? The next Mike Tauchman? An algorithm acquisition?

Probably, he'll be Scranton scrapple. Still, you never know. Sometimes, after flopping in repeat MLB auditions, these last-chancers figure out how to hit. Also, he signed a minor league deal, which means: Cheap. 

Cashman is probably done with the big ticket free agents, but if history runs true, he will spend the week before Christmas scrounging for copper in the recycling bin. 

Mitigating factor: The guy bats RH. Damn. We need lefties. Bah. Disregard this.

An IT IS HIGH holiday tradition: Santa is coming to town, welcomed by The Master and The Boss.

 

From here on, it's free agent table scraps, aka Brian Cashman's wheelhouse

Yesterday, LF Michael Brantley re-signed with our Houston torture-masters, and SS Dansby Swanson joined the ongoing Cubs' malaise. If you're scoring at home, no bigly OF free agents still roam the Yankee dream cloud, unless you believe Michael Conforto, who didn't play a down last year, still has a pulse.

From now on, the Pickens grow ever Slim, and minor league pacts become the norm. Over the years, the scrap heap has furnished many of Cooperstown Cashman's greatest victories: The nobodies who serve as valuable June-July lug nuts on the  Death Barge.

Last year, it brought us Matt Carpenter (not a nobody, but a guy toiling in the minors) and another season of Lucas Luetge. (You could say Jose Trevino also counts; who saw him as an all-star?)

The previous year: Nestor Cortez and - well - the first year of Lucas Luetge. 

Of course, for every Nasty Nestor, we get a Red Thunder and/or Miggy TwoBags, enigmas so wrapped in expectation that their nicknames become Yankee legend. (BTW, "Jackson" Frazier is a free agent... a leftfielder...  well? I mean... would we dare?)

Between now and Jan. 1, Yankee activities will slow to a stop. Hal Steinbrenner is probably already sipping mojitos and dreaming of soccer. But watch the wires. Chances are, the Yanks will sign somebody you never heard of - like the lost legion in the above list - and he will be the feelgood story of next May. For now, I'm going with Tanner Tully and Niurby ("Nasty Niurby?") Asigen. Pick your horses, everyone. Who will it be?

Key to 2023: Volpe and the Oswalds

The spider sense is tingling, whispering that Hal Steinbrenner is done with big ticket free agents this winter. Passing on Andrew Benintendi - best free agent LF on the market - leaves Hal with little else to bid on. He might snag a bullpen arm or a few minor league veterans. But there is no star in the mix - does Michael Comforto even qualify? - which brings us to the most terrifying six words in the Yankiverse.

Cashman will be working the phones. 

Let's, for now, ignore Aaron Hicks and Jackie Donaldson. Nobody will take their contracts. They will retire as Yankees. Maybe, one will cobble together a successful MLB season, or month. Maybe Vladimir Putin will resign. Maybe... whatever... 

But the Yankees' fate in 2023 hinge on three youngsters: Anthony Volpe, Oswald Peraza and Oswaldo Cabrera. And it's time to look at what they might - and might not - deliver. 

One of them needs to start next year. That's probably Peraza, who should have played SS in October. Here are his 2022 numbers, in case you forgot.

Guy hit 19 HRs, mostly at Scranton. But overall, he only hit .259 - the cup of coffee numbers aren't real. He is not the second coming of Robbie. He'll turn 23 in mid-June. Our best hope in 2023 rests with Peraza at SS.

Then comes Cabrera, a precocious kid who was pushed into the ALCS lions' den, playing LF, a position totally foreign to him. Cabrera may have indelibly charmed his way into the Yankiverse, but the truth is, he ran out of gas against Houston. (So did everybody, though.) 

He'll turn 24 in August. His best position is 2B, and throughout his minor league career, Cabrera always started slowly and finished strongly. 

He needs a shot at 2B, but he probably doesn't have the bat to play LF.

Finally, there is Volpe, a former first-round pick, who had a breakout season two years ago. 

He'll turn 22 at the end of April. All eyes were on him last spring, when he started at Double A and did nothing. He heated up in mid-summer, then slowed at the end. 

None of these guys hit .270 last year. None broke out. I put up these numbers as a sobering way to lessen expectations. The idea currently bouncing around fan blogs goes that all three might play a substantial role - especially Volpe - in 2023. It's sort of nutty, and what they do not need are impossible expectations. 

But how they do will determine 2023. And if they flop, God help us.

Sixth Night

Baseball’s off-season in some ways resembles Hannukah.

You get the good presents the first couple of nights and then the rest of eight days are filled with lesser acquisitions like socks or underwear, or things you find in the garage and quickly wrap in the comics section of the newspaper and try to fob off on whoever is coming by for yet another plate of potato pancakes.

We’ve already gotten Judge, Rodon, and Rizzo so it been very good so far. 

I especially liked the Rodon signing mostly because of this quote,  “ Astros-Yankees? I don’t watch. Who usually wins? I’m just here to kick ass.”  

We need more guys like that. We actually really need a manager like that, but we might have to wait until Shemini Atzeret. 

(I’ll save you from having to look that up – It’s a holiday that takes place generally in October. The implication is that we don’t win the World Series again and that would be an opportunity to fire Boone and replace him. Don’t feel bad. The only people who might have laughed are a handful of Orthodox Jews and they’re not reading this because it’s Shabbos.)

But I digress…

We even got back Scott Proctor, uh Tommy Kahnle, as a solid mid-week gift.

The Yankees are now in the sixth night.

No more good presents. 

All we can do is hope that UPS delivers a gift from an out of town relative that got held up during shipping. 

In other words, if we’re going to get anything really good it’s going to have to be through trades.

We all know what’s left to do. The real question is, “What’s right?”  

Obviously, none of us know what secret deal “The Ninja” has rattling around in his head but, as much as I am loathe to say it, because Josh Donaldson is currently my least favorite ballplayer, the deal for a left fielder is the more important one. 

My reasoning is that, if G-d forbid, Josh Donaldson ends up as our third baseman, we will at a minimum, get decent defense.

One caveat…

What can’t happen though, is having him bat anywhere near the middle of the order. 

Boone needs to "Tobor" him 

Clearly, we need a left handed left fielder who hits for contact. 

We keep reading that the Yankees still have something “Big” in the works. Then again, I also hear the Knicks are going to trade their draft picks for a superstar and then attract a top free agent so, you know…

Our best trade chip is Gleyber. He’s expendable as DJ (if not needed for third) and Oswald or is it Oswaldo, one of them anyway, would be great at second.

Can Gleyber plus someone like the suddenly expendable Schmidt bring back a quality left fielder? 

Look, as I said above, if all we got this year was Judge, Rodon, and Rizzo it's hard to complain but... We're really one star left fielder away from locking this thing down. I don't want to stat the season with Aaron Hicks or some retread. 

I've got enough socks.  What if we threw in Evan Fournier and Cam Reddish?

In the meantime, pass the applesauce. 

 

And now, an IT IS HIGH holiday tradition: Twuz the Night Before Sterling

For the Yankees, Meh-nintendi is off the board, and now comes the hard part: Building a left side.

Yesterday, Andrew Benintendi signed with the White Sox, and I don't blame him. Chicago gave him a five-year deal, the Yanks offered four, and that's China Town, Jake. 

Benintendi could have neatly filled the Yankee LF hole, which seems to deepen by the day. He bats LH, fields well and he gets on base, rather than seeking to hit every ball to Yonkers. But he has a grim injury history, and the Yanks lately have a grim injury history of ex-Redsocks with grim injury histories: Kevin Youkilis. Stephen Drew. Jacoby (gulp) Ellsbury. It's been 102 years since Babe Ruth, nearly 30 since Wade Boggs, back in the days when Boston was our farm club. Now, when we catch a lingering scent of Fenway on someone, I say, "Run!"

Thus far, this winter, Hal Steinbrenner has chugged from the chalice of pain. He has spent gobs of family money to maintain and - with Carlos Rodon - slightly improve the 2023 Yankees. Now, it's our turn to piss blood, as the rebuilding process turns over to Cooperstown Cashman and his spreadsheet orchestra. And they're heading to the swampy grasslands at LF and 3B.

Lately, Yank fans have filling Elon Musk's toy network with threats to go full Will Smith if the comedy team of Hicks & Donaldson appear in the opening day lineup. And I don't blame them. That's the Bronx, Jake.

But here's the rub. Nobody in baseball - not even Pittsburg - will give a tin of sardines for Hicks and/or Donaldson. The music has stopped on their careers, and the Yanks were left standing, without a chair. 

Hicks will earn $10 million per season through 2027. Who wants that? The Yanks have a better chance of moving the statues in Monument Park. They could maybe throw in, say, $20 million and hope somebody will take him - for nothing. Does anybody see Cashman signing off on such a move? It was he who signed Hicks in 2019, setting off a chain reaction of injuries and slumps. Giving away Hicks would blow up directly in his face.

As for Donaldson, he'll make $21 million this season, then accept a $6 million buyout in 2024. If the Yankees throw in, say, $10 million, will anybody bite?

In both cases, it's money out the window, with the Yankees left with those holes in their lineup. 

And if Cashman signs a LF or 3B tomorrow, he'll lose whatever microscopic bargaining power he has in moving these duds. 

So, let me say it. There is a real possibility that one - or both - are in the lineup opening day. And that's Christmas, Jake. Ho ho ho.

Dear Mr. Steinbrenner: Thank you for signing Carlos Rodon. But now, in for a penny, in for a pound...

Dear Hal, 

On behalf of the Yankiverse, I hereby salute you.

I'm sure it's no fun, dropping $162 million on a pitcher who might on April 1 grab his elbow and trudge off the field, leaving you with catcalls and a broken showerhead. 

But in signing Carlos Rodon, you did the right thing. You did the Yankee thing. You did the Steinbrenner thing. Wherever he is, your dad is proud. 

However this unfolds - no guarantees - you stood your ground. You signed Anthony Rizzo. You signed Aaron Judge. Now, you've signed Rodon. For the first time since Judge tapped meekly to Jose Altuve, ending game four of the utterly rotten 2023 ALCS, the Yankees have given us hope. 

On paper, we have improved over last year. We lost Jamison Taillon and gained Rodon.  

But winter is not done, and neither should you be. A glaring hole remains. It is leftfield, where Roy White and Brett Gardner roamed, where Yogi said farewell, where Tom Tresh ran aground, where countless Red Thunders tried and failed. It's where - in a perfect world - Giancarlo Stanton would play, but, hey, that ship long ago sailed. It's where the Yankees need a lefty slugger, maybe someone who suffered from the defensive over-shifts, maybe the player Joey Gallo was supposed to be. (But don't get me wrong: A hard no on Gallo.)  

There's talk about Andrew Benintendi, who was starting to make an impact last fall, when he hurt his hand. It'd be nice to razz Redsock fans - we can chant "Franchy Cordero" when he comes to bat - but I can't shake the Ellsbury vibe. Dare we bet on his health?

Frankly, I dunno who should play LF. But here's the buried lede: 

You must dig once more into that checkbook. Don't leave LF up to Brian Cashman. His track record there is Mike Tauchman, Clint Frazier, Vernon Wells, Aaron Hicks, Gallo... disasters. Cashman's strength is the bullpen. He found Clay Holmes, Michael King, Wandy Peraza, et al. He finds arms - not leftfielders. 

So, thanks for landing Rodon. Now, one more... 

In for a penny, in for a pound. 

Your dad knew this. He would be proud. 

We've Captured Rodon!

 Six years. $162 million, no-trade, no opt-out, per the Hey, Man!

Until Carlos Rodon decides his future team, and Hal Steinbrenner his future legacy, the Yankees have no moves

Sorry to be crabby today, but you know all this bloggery we're reading about potential Yankee trades or fallback free agents? Well, none of it amounts to a mouse turd until one Carlos Antonio Rodon makes up his mind. 

Until then, the Yankiverse is paralyzed in a whiteout of time, space and - most importantly - money. Aside from a few minor league contracts, nothing is moving, nothing is happening, nothing is everything. 

Right now, the 2023 Yankees present two alt-universes - one with a fearsome rotation, perhaps baseball's best (with Rodon), and one that hopes for rainouts, bullpen starts and Domingo German (sans Rodon.)  

The team suffers withering sinkholes in LF, SS and 3B - problems that will be either solved by Hal Steinbrenner's generosity (with Rodon) or deepened by his frugality (sans Rodon.) 

Every potential deal on Brian Cashman's iPad hinges on the vast differences between the Yankees with Rodon and without him. Most importantly, so does the legacy of Hal Steinbrenner. 

Either Hal kicks in the money for the best starter on the market - yes, Rodon is expensive; no denying it - or he pulls out his pockets and poormouths - in essence, quietly blaming Aaron Judge's big contract for the new austerity. 

This would betray a promise that surely was inferred when Judge was deciding to stay in New York. Yankee management must have assured No. 99 that he would have the full backing of the front office and never become the reason why other free agents are not signed. That promise will have lasted two weeks.

For better or worse, we have reached a world where the richest of the rich have too much money to be imagined, much less counted, and the siren call of their emotional whims can never be sated - or underestimated. 

The owners of the Mets, Phillies, Dodgers and Padres see their teams as toys, as extensions of their egos, if not their dicks. Hal sees the Yankees as a family business, perhaps as a legacy he never wanted. Trouble is, he's sitting on the most lucrative market in professional sports. He's sitting on the team we have loved all our lives, and in the end, he's counting nickels.

 What happens with Carlos Rodon will dictate how Yank fans view Hal this season and maybe forever. I don't believe he's a bad person. I think he truly wants the Yankees to win. I think if he ran a bar, we would drink there. But he's running the Yankees, and the world has changed around him. 

For us, the "pride of the Yankees" was always sacred. Twenty seven world championships. Ruth, Gehrig, Dimaggio, Mantle, Jackson, Jeter, Judge...  

We are not the Phillies. We are not the Padres. But if Hal cannot compete with Philadelphia and San Diego, it's time to sell the team to someone who will. 

If the Yankees fail to land Rodon, their 2023 Jenga tower starts to quiver

Let's take a moment to acknowledge Brian Cashman's secret super power: His ability to deliberate, while stuck on the outside of a building high above Connecticut. It requires major league diligence, one move at a time. Their is no fallback, no Hans Gruber option. It's long way down.

Two weeks ago, Cashman waited on the 17th floor limbo until Aaron Judge chose to stay with the Yankees. We watched the likes of Verlander, DeGrom, et al, disappear, before Judge ruled. The Yankiverse was paralyzed by the mere thought of Judge choosing California. 

Well, here we are, once again... Don't look down. Until Carlos Rodon decides on his future, Yankee time has stopped. 

If Rodon goes elsewhere, the best fallback options leave the 2023 Yanks looking disturbingly like the 2022 version, which collapsed in August, played .500 over the second half and shat the bed in October. 

A solid rotation gives you five to six innings per game. Over a season, that means getting at least 810 innings from your starters. Anything less, and the bullpen will inevitably melt down.  

As of now, here's the Yankee rotation: 

Gerrit Cole - 200 innings last year.
Nestor Cortez - 158 innings
Luis Severino - 102 innings
Frankie Montas - 144 innings (39 for the Yankees) 
Domingo German - 72 innings

Gone are Jameson Taillon (177 innings) and Jordan Montgomery (114). What's left delivered 676 innings. 

Last season, Rodon threw 178. Add him, and our current starters threw 854 innings. That ain't the '63 Dodgers, but it's within range of giving the bullpen a chance.  

With Rodon, Cashman can weigh trade possibilities for leftfield, perhaps with Gleyber Torres as a bargaining chip. Without Rodon, he must push Gleyber for another starter. (Cashman's kryptonite has been his inability to trade for front line starters.)

With Rodon, Cashman can let youngsters develop in Scranton. Without Rodon, he'll package them in trades. 

With Rodon, Cashman has a better chance to trade Aaron Hicks and Josh Donaldson, this year's Gary Sanchez. Without Rodon, his flexibility shrinks. They might both be back.

So Cashman is on the building, once again, weighing every move. The question: Will he move upwards... or straight down? 

L'Chaim!

 Trash C-Money all you like, but this small-market GM seems to be on a much hotter seat right now.

As their competitors bolster themselves, the Yankees wait, and the stakes continue to grow

Today, all we can say about the once-mighty NY Yankees is that nothing has changed, and - right now, anyway - that's scary.

Today, our front office is expected to send a formal proposal to pitcher Carlos Rodon. Excuse me, if I thought this had happened: I haven't signed a 10-figure superstar since we changed plumbers, so I'm slow on the protocols. The formal contract bans things like brown M&Ms and Mariah Carey - and a set of zeros that San Diego or Philly - (or, gulp, the Cohen/Steinbrennerian Mets) - might beat. 

Until Rodon is signed, he is just another player the Yankees almost signed. It's a long list. Today, here's where we stand: 

1. They have lost Jameson Tailion, Zach Britton and Aroldis Chapman. Britton missed 2022, and nobody will miss el Chapo, who morphed, Kanye-like, into a headcase and distraction. But Tailion was a serviceable No. 4, and Cooperstown Cashman traded nearly all our best young starters last August. If we whiff on Rodon, it means Cash must trade for a starter: In his career, starters have been his personal white whale. If we're expecting Cashman to save the rotation, well, let me choose my words carefully: WE ARE FUCKED.

2. They remain basically the same team that went 35-35 in the second half, that suffered one of the most painful Augusts since Al Pacino in Dog Day Afternoon, and then was swept away - 4 to 0, the full Ryan McBroom, Fort Myers in front of Hurricane Ian - by our bullying arch-rival, the ever-cheating Astros. It's hard to see how the same team - a larded, aging collection of salary dumps - improves from another year on the clock. 

3. They are watching rest of baseball whiz by in the truck lane. The Mets and Phillies look like the Great Rivalry of the Twenties - what Redsocks/Yanks once was. The AL East could be a minefield. Believe it or not, the O's look like an ascending team, Boston quietly reloaded with that OF from Japan, Tampa is Tampa, Toronto has Lil Vlad, the Yankee-hater - and we keep waiting on players - Estevan Florial, Oswald Peraza, et al - who, when they finally arrive, don't warrant a looksee. 

Well, that's today. Tomorrow, we might have Rodon, which would mean an improved rotation, (though the bullpen needs help.) The Yankees must still figure out left field, a place that seems cursed. For three years, we waited on Clint Frazier, who was such a letdown that he literally changed his name. Last year, it was Aaron Hicks, who hit  .218, and the ridiculously horrible Joey Gallo, who batted .159. We went through Benintendi, Locastro, Andujar - it was like the lineup of summer replacements for Jimmy Kimmel- and in the end, we turned to  Oswaldo Cabrera, who had never even played the position before. I mean - and I am choosing my words carefully here: WHAT. THE. FUCK. 

Listen: We can still right this ship. It means signing Rodon. And if we miss out, baton the hatches, because the sirens will start blaring. 

The abrupt shift in strategy if the Yankees were to suddenly chase Carlos Correa

Over the weekend, some top Gammonitic influencers suggested the Yankees might still chase the top free agent shortstops remaining on the dance floor. Specifically, that means Carlos Correa or Dabney Coleman Dansby Swanson. 

The big buzz came from Robert "Breathless Buster" Olney, who -on the subject of Correa - said he's "picking up a lot of vibes" that the  Yankees are "working on something big." 

Like, wow, "vibes? "Dude, that's way wicked cool. Icandigit. Canyoudigit? Icandigit.  

I don't mean to dis Buster, or, for that matter, Prince Hal, who - having re-signed Aaron Judge - still retains immunity from my otherwise righteous fan wrath...

But but BUT... a coupla things...

If Brian Cashman is really thinking of signing Carlos Correa: 

1. It'll come after the big SS horses, Trea Turner and Xander Bogaertes, left the corral. 

2. He'll need to eat all his past indignation over Houston's cheating.

3. He'll need to explain why he passed on Correa last winter, when the guy signed a one-year deal.

4. He'll be sorta roped into trading the Yankees' top SS prospects, Anthony Volpe and Oswald Peraza. That's a risky move, the kind Cash has been loathe to do. (Generally, he bundles second tier prospects.) 

5. He'll have less money for the real need: pitching, pitching, pitching...

Let's hope the vibes mean Carlos Rodon, the best pitcher on the market. The Yankees must once again outbid SF, and they're still spoiling over Judge. But surely, Olney heard something, and here is what I believe moved the vibes... 

The Yankees face a distinct existential threat in Mets owner Steve Cohen, (though his spending does have a Peter Angelos in 1995 quality to it.) Their hold on Gotham won't last forever. If they simply return the team that floundered throughout the second half and then flopped in October, it will be like running Herschel Walker again in 2028. 

The Mets aren't holding back. They could be vastly improved over last season, when they won more games (101 to 99) than the Yankees. Something big must happen. But a shortstop? That doesn't make sense.

After Mets sign Kodai Senga, it's Carlos Rodon or nothing for Yanks

If the Death Barge misses out on Carlos Rodon, it's a long, Hans Gruber plummet from Nakatomi Plaza to a fallback starter. 

I can't shake the feeling that we've seen this movie before. Yesterday, the Mets signed the intriguing Japanese free agent, Kodai Senga, leaving the Yanks once again facing San Francisco in a duel of money and manhood. Rodon is far above what's still out there. 

Here's a list of unsigned free agent starting pitchers. It's a long way down. 

Best Bets 

Nathan Eovaldi (age 33, 3.87 ERA, 109 innings last year)
Chris Bassitt (age 34, 3.42 ERA, 181 innings)
Corey Kluber (37, 4.34, 164 innings)

Meh's 

Sean Manaea (31, 4.96, 158 innings)
Wade Miley (36, 3.16, 37 innings)
Rich Hill (42, 4.27, 124 innings)
Ross Stripling (33, 3.02, 134 innings)
Zack Greinke (38, 3.68, 137 innings)
Michael Wacha (30, 3.32, 127 innings)
Noah Syndergaard (30, 3.94, 134 innings)

Lottery Tickets

Mike Minor (35, 6.06, 98 innings)
Jordan Lyles (31, 4.43, 179 innings)
Drew Smyly (33, 3.47, 106 innings)
Erick Fedde (30, 5.81, 127 innings)
Joe Ross (29, 4.17, 108 innings)
Michael Lorenzen (31, 4.24, 97 innings)
Ryan Yarbrough (31, 4.50, 80 innings)
Michael Pineda (33, 5.79, 46 innings)

Turkey Stuffing 

Dylan Bundy (29, 4.89, 140 innings)
Chris Archer (33, 4.56, 102 innings)
Aaron Sanchez (30, 6.60, 60 innings)
Carlos Martinez (30, missed 2022)
Zach Davies (30, 4.09, 134 innings)
Chad Kuhl (29, 5.72, 137 innings)
Dallas Keuchel (35, 9.20, 60 innings)
Chase Anderson (35, 6.38, 24 innings)
Mike Foltynewicz (30, 5.44, 139 innings)
Kohei Arihara (30, 9.45, 20 innings)

Many come with pre-existing ailments, which seldom dissuades Brian Cashman. Keep fingers crossed. We'll soon learn how badly the Yankee ownership wants to win, or whether - like Gruber - they really just wanted to look like activists, and they simply needed to bag Bruce Willis Aaron Judge. 

"The playoffs are just a crapshoot anyway."

So yesterday saw not one but two teams advance to the finals of the world's most watched sports tournament through penalty kicks—the very worst means of determining a game ever devised.

First plucky little Croatia (you are not legally allowed to describe Croatia in any way that does not start with "plucky little") knocked off soccer power Brazil, inventors of "the beautiful game," despite being dominated throughout the contest. Then, the plucky little Netherlands saw their stunning comeback short-circuited by Argentina...again on penalty kicks.

Penalty kicks as a way of deciding a major soccer tournament make about as much sense as deciding the NBA championship by free-throw shooting, or the World Series by hitting fungoes into the bleachers. 

Actually, I'm not even sure if that's a good analogy. Theoretically, a player should never miss a penalty kick; if done right, it's just too hard for a goalkeeper to stop. 

It's maybe more like deciding the NBA title with a lay-up contest, or the World Series by having a rundown competition (which actually could be kind of enjoyably whacky).

Plucky little, ex-Nazi ally Croatia has practically made a career of this, winning game after game, in World Cup after World Cup, through penalty kick by penalty kick.

So, there will be semi-final of the old Nazi allies against the old Nazi harborers, neither of whom really deserve to be there. So what? Isn't that soccer's problem?

Well, yes and no. 

The penalty kick is exactly the sort of device that the lords of MLB would love to have for our favorite sport. So would the NFL, or the NBA, in the brave new, American sporting world of super-parity.  

So the Phillies, sixth-best team in the NL—and only third-best in their division—make the World Series. So 40 percent of all the teams in baseball make the playoffs. So an entire season of winning baseball by the Mets and Braves counts for nothing. So we get baseball's own, idiotic tie breaker, with the Manfred Man.

So what?

This is what the Masters of Our Sporting Universe want. Sport NOT as a celebration of sustained excellence—but sport as entertainment akin to the lottery. A winner chosen almost arbitrarily, almost wholly at random.  

"A crapshoot," as our mighty leader informs us.  Call me crazy, but I'd rather see the best teams play to the bloody end.

 

 

 

Best of luck, Kristie Ackert

 

Dear Mr. Steinbrenner: Thank you for salvaging last year's runner-up team. Now what?

Dear Sir, 

Along with shaker cheese, here's another travel tip for your Italian vacation: 

Pinch the women! They love it! Especially the young, artsy-looking ones. The type who carry library books. Give a big. old, American nobble - a fanny tweak, a titty-twist, a cabbage grab! They'll know you to be a thoughtful, caring U.S. tourist, an ambassador of good will...

And speaking of good will, I have a thought:

The Yankees cannot trade their way to a championship. 

You tried last winter. We obtained Donaldson, IKF and that weightlifter catcher who fell apart. It didn't work. In fact, it haunted us all year. 

We cannot trade our way to a championship.

Right now, our main 2023 trade chip would be Gleyber, and I doubt he'll bring much, beyond a bullpen arm. We'll get nothing for Donaldson, next to nothing for Giancarlo, and the brother of next to nothing for DJ - all of whom are compromised by the weight of untenable contracts. Thus, we end up packaging them with prospects.

Have you seen the news back stateside? Fred McGriff has been elected to the Hall of Fame. A great one. Nearly 500 career HRs. 

We traded the Crime Dog for Dale Murray. Let that sink in. Dale Murray. Actually, we threw in Dave Collins and Mike Morgan, and the Blue Jays gave us Dale Murray and Tom Dodd.

McGriff's ascension should remind us of what inevitably happens whenever a team gets addicted to trading prospects. 

Imagine the 1980s if the Yankees hadn't traded McGriff, Doug Drabek, Al Leiter, Mike Lowell and Willie McGee... 

Listen: Our damnation may already be in stone. Before we deal away another youngster, let's take stock what we've already sent out the door. (OF Kevin Alcantara - a 6'6" Judgian giant - is now the Cubs' #3 ranked prospect, and pitcher Hayden Wisnewsk is #12 - just to name one trading partner.) We may have already screwed ourselves for the next decade. 

Sir, what I'm getting to is this: 

You are going to have to spend money. 

You are going to have to land a couple big free agents. Not just one. Several. They will be expensive. You might have to outbid the Mets. The tabloids will bark about all the money being spent. They'll Photoshop your face on dollar bills. It will get crazy.

But this is no time to deal more prospects. 

Do that, and one of these days, it will be you who gets pinched.

Now we're talking' some real money!

 

It was reported the other day that one of the pleasant folks who run Saudi Arabia has offered Christiano Ronaldo, star of the Portuguese team, $211 million A YEAR—for 2 1/2 years—to play for a team in the Saudi Sand & Camel Circuit, or whatever that nation's soccer league is.

This despite the fact that Ronaldo—unlike our own Aaron Judge—seems to be a nasty piece of work. 

Already, in this tournament, he has been spotted furiously berating his own goalkeeper (for nearly committing what would indeed have been a colossal idiocy at the end of one game), and he was benched for Portugal's most recent match after murmuring something mean about his manager.

As it happened, his substitute scored a hat trick in a 6-1, Portugal romp, which is rather like winning a playoff game by 25-1. Even so, rumors have abounded that Ronaldo has been thinking of jumping the team, as it moves into the quarterfinals.

So, not a pleasant individual. But a five-time World Player of the Year, who is estimated to have made over $1 billion in his career, moving between top European clubs Man U, Juventus, and Real Madrid.  One of the leading "influencers" on the planet, he reportedly gets $40 million a year just from Instagram, and his going fee for any endorsement is $1.6 million. 

It may seem passing strange that pretty much the least individualistic sport on the globe, soccer, bestows such money and adoration on its stars, but there it is.

So...why does he need more from the Saudis? 

Turns out, he doesn't. Ronaldo has reportedly turned down the half-billion-dollar offer. And hey, how good must THAT feel? Being able to tell someone to take their $500 million and shove it?

Maybe it's only a negotiating ploy, but it seems that even irascible billionaires sometimes realize that life is short, and with this sort of wealth, they might as well do what they like for the rest of their lives.

Aaron Judge seems to understand that, too. So does Steve Cohen. Might be nice if HAL were to reach that level of enlightenment as well.