Wednesday, June 30, 2010
The veteran arbitor said he's delighted with the chance to showcase his seeing-eye skills, especially because the game of soccer moves along much more quickly, to his liking. In fact, West confessed that he's been watching FIFA games on a mini-screen TV throughout the last four weeks, and he often yells "Goaaaaal!" instead of "Out!" because he has forgotten where he is.
West (pictured right, celebrating a recent goal by the now-eliminated North Korea) is revered by MLB for costing the Yankees the 2005 World Championship by refusing to call an obvious Mike Mussina strikeout of Angels outfielder Steve Finley, in a critical situation against the Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles. The call broke the Yankees' backs, allowing the Chicago White Sox to win what West called "the World Cup of baseball."
FIFA officials said they hired West because he represented the only change that could possibly make the current system look competent.
"There has been a lot of talk about moving to an upgraded, American style system," a FIFA official said. "Well, here's an American system. Let's see how they like this."
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
I'd throw in Vasquez or AJ Burnett, just to open a slot for Lee, because I figure one of them will be hurt or awful come September, so we'll need the guy. And we certainly don't need him pitching against us.
Brackman would make a lot of sense. He's on a current upswing in value, so who knows -- Seattle might like the "Big Unit" tradition and bite on the deal.
But, seriously -- (yeah, right) -- does anybody reading this blog think Curtis Granderson has a future with this team, beyond September? He simply cannot hit lefites. When we get to the post-season, when we face well rounded bullpens, he is late-inning toast. We might have to pinch hit for him. We might have to platoon him. You can't play CF for the Yankees and not hit lefties. Brett Gardner is our 2011 CF. Our left fielder next year is probably playing in Philadelphia now, Jason Werth. Unless Curtis turns it around in the second half -- hello, Kevin Long? -- we'll end up trading him, next fall, calling it a failed experiment, and moving on a free agent.
Would Seattle take him as central lugnut in a Cliff Lee deal? Probably dreaming.
Yesterday, Cash said he wouldn't gut the farm system for Lee, but Cash quotes have no currency, and it's all about defining the phrase "gut the farm system" anyway. The Yankee machine is good at the 4-Tease.
Take 'em, tout 'em, trade 'em, trash 'em.
Case in point: Jose Tabata.
At 17, Jose was our best OF prospect. Five tool. Future star. Nobody suggested he was older. Nope. Says 17 on birth certificate. He homered in spring training. The video went viral. But in July 2008, we needed a boost, so we dealt him with Ross Ohlendorf, Jeff Karstens, and Daniel McCutchen for Xavier Nady and Dámaso Marte.
Hard to get a fix on that deal. Nady washed out. Marte seemed a total washout until last October. Ohlendorf has been an excellent pitcher for Pittsburgh, but he hurt himself this year and is 0-6 with a high ERA. Karstens is Karstens. McCutchen is still evolving. The remaining intangible is Jose Tabata. If he becomes a star, the deal becomes a disaster.
Immediately after the trade, the Yankee spin cycle began. Tabata hadn't run out grounders -- they all go through that phase. He didn't have power. Four tool. Then he became a punchline for marrying a woman 23 years older than he is, and she was arrested for kidnapping a baby from a shopping mall. If anything, getting him out of New York City was probably a mercy-killing. (NOTE: We at IIH official condemn the trading of punchlines. WE NEED PUNCHLINES.)
BUT... no joke: Ttwo weeks ago, Tábata reached the majors. He singled in his first at bat, later stole second. Last night his big hit won the game for Pittsburgh. He is 21 -- (at least that's what they claim; now that he's with Pittsburgh, we're much more inclined to think he's 37.) He's had 70 ABs with the Pirates and is batting .257. One HR.
Tabata won't reach peak foliage until age 24-27.
Montero is 20 at Triple A.
If Cash deals him, get ready for the 4-Tease.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Unlike other Yankee blogs, which merely whine after losses and take credit for victories, we at IT IS HIGH pride ourselves on taking an active interest in enhancing the performance and experiences of our livestock. And today, like every sentient being in the Yankiverse, we're worried about A.J. Burnett.
He looks tired, sluggish, bumbling -- and he's suffering from the Apri Javys. He needs a boost. He needs a supplement that won't force Bud Selig's to appear in sunshine -- and thus explode.
He needs Royal Jelly.
Long ago while dining in Amish Country, facing a mound of flapjacks the size of an oil drum, we read the placemat that changed our lives. It extolled nature's greatest secret: the power of the bees. Einstein used Royal Jelly while formulating relativity. Christopher Columbus survived the trip across the Atlantic on nothing else. Dudley Moore used it during the filming of the hit-movie "Arthur." Royal Jelly comes from bees, who go about their furry business with Yankeelike pride and power. Every bee is Derek Jeter, running out grounders, making the play, saying the right words in the post-game interview.
After a few dollops of Royal Jelly, we achieved a new, more enhanced and robust reality. We had to pull off the side of the road. Of course, the Amish had seen it all before -- they understand nature -- but it usually occurred in the pasture, not the Ford Maverick.
The Royal Jelly complex includes bio-active compounds, with a wide array of naturally evolving ingredients, including 10-HDA -- which is found nowhere else in nature! In 1989, after the Yankees traded Al Leiter for Jesse Barfield, Royal Jelly proved to be only substance that saved Alphonso from leaping off the Tapan Zee Bridge.
It is time for A.J. to forget Dave Eilland. He's not coming back. It's time for Vitamin Bee.
And if that does work, he should try Kansas City Royal jelly.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Did you hear they put a new roof on the Carrier Dome?
Did you hear John Sterling's new song?
"Here comes Trembley."
Do you know what movie was playing at the Carousel Center?
You know what folks will serve for breakfast tomorrow in Toronto?
Who's catching tonight?
We don't need no stinkin' Wingigngton.
Save the prospects. We're in first. Let the lessers trade their futures. Let's keep Jesus. Let's keep Austin. Hell, I'm in a good mood, ladies and gents -- I say, LET'S KEEP BRACKMAN, even though the bum will probably once again start walking batters the way Jessica Simpson eats Cheetos.
JUST SAY NO TO TY.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
6. The political movement of, "Mr. Gorbachev, put up that wall!" Bravo, America! Surround the entire state.
7. Don't they have those marching ants armies that devour everything in their path? I love them, too.
10. Blacktop. Oh, I love how it bubbles and oozes under the summer sun. A hundred and twenty? Let's play two!
Monday, June 21, 2010
I wonder if Arizona will play "New York, New York" again tonight... as they did in 2001, in the most disgraceful display of bad sportsmanship in the history of baseball
Yes, we have not forgotten what they did -- Showalter, Garigiola and company -- every one them with an axe to grind, burning white-hot with Yankee hatred in that foul, burning, lifeless hell known as Arizona.
No sooner had the World Series ended -- a great seven game battle, with comebacks and heroes on both sides, a month after 9/11, no less -- and they taunted the defeated, valiant Yankees by playing "New York, New York" on their public address system, while the players basked in their acidic glory on the field.
The Redsocks never did such a thing. The Mets never did such a thing. The Iranians never did such a thing. In movies where they attack Earth, the aliens never did such a thing.
Arizona did such a thing.
Then, later, when Curt Schilling was being shopped around, the cheap bastards wanted from us Nick Johnson and Alphonso Soriano. They would accept nothing less -- from us. After we told them to go drink a cup of cold piss, then went and dealt the Schill to Boston for a bucket of fried chicken. No, they did not ask for Hanley Ramirez. No, they did not ask for Jon Lester. They wrangled... Casey fucking Fossum.
Later, we took Randy Johnson off their grubby, gism-laden hands, after the cheap, weasily bastards decided he wasn't worth the money they were paying him. They secretly told him, "Get inside the Yankee clubhouse and be the biggest malcontent on the team. Attack a camera man on the streets of New York City. Pitch poorly in a pivotal game of the playoffs. Ruin them, and then you can return to your home in the desert, where the jackals eat the hearts of city people. Muwahahaha."
And Randy Johnson followed orders.
I hate those bastards. They can suck on all their white sand, they can eat their iguana meat and get burned by stepping barefoot on the asphalt in their driveways. They played "New York, New York" to taunt us a minute after the World Series ended. There's a reason everybody hates them. They're fuckers.
10. "... Hold on, Mo, I gotta take this call. It's Regis."
Sunday, June 20, 2010
The Post Standard (Syracuse, NY)
Ms. Head, let me ask you something: Should the Yankees fail to repeat as World Series champs this year, should we blame Bush for that as well? Think about it.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Some people have whined that the Yankees were taken by dealing Tyler "The Yankee" Clippard to Washington two springs ago for Jonathan "Jessica" Albaladejo. Not so fast.
Numbers don't lie, buckos, and check these out:
Albaladejo: 29 ganes, 23 saves, 44 strikeouts, 1.10 ERA.
Clippard: 35 games, 1 save, 51 strikeouts, 1.65 ERA.
Close, but you have to go with Alba! Twenty-three saves, incredible!
Friday, June 18, 2010
1. Hoping to get tickets to weekend's Subway Series.
2. Another summer in Rochester? No way.
3. Yankees gave 10-minute, take-it-or-leave-it ultimatum.
4. Has always wanted to see Scranton.
5. Saw Jeter go 0-4 last night and wants to help.
6. Had lost bussing job at Nick Tahoe's.
7. Yankees promised to pay in nickels.
8. Hey, that Scott Boras spray-repellent works!
9. Told would receive free iPad with signing.
10. Wanted to be mentioned in IT IS HIGH.
Frankly, this sickens me. Why would somebody go a Yankee game, a family event, and then decide to pull out his vuvuzela and wave it around? Yeah, sure... I play with my vuvuzela during Yankee games, who doesn't? But I do in the dignity and privacy of my own home. I don't bother people. I'll be damned if I want to pay good money and sit in some nosebleed section just to watch a creep who thinks he's got the biggest vuvuzela in the bleachers, showing off in front of my lady! I hope they put the guy and jail and chop his vuvuzela into little bits. MAKE AN EXAMPLE, DAMMIT.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
For two years, we had Dandy...
Mr. Ford's job became even more challenging after Mr. Munson died in a plane crash on August 2, mere days after the mascot made his first appearance. In the wake of that tragedy, Dandy took some time off. "It wasn't the right time to have a mascot who looked like Thurman Munson," Mr. Ford said.
And you thought it was Horace Clarke in there.
One of Mr. Ford's most high-profile gigs turned out to be his last. He said Citibank staged an elaborate corporate pep rally at Madison Square Garden after the season, and Dandy was pegged to be Bill Cosby's warmup act. By the time Mr. Ford donned his costume, grabbed his bat and got ready to hit the stage to the tune of "Johnny B. Goode," the libations had been flowing for hours.
"As soon as the spotlight hit my face, I was completely blinded," Mr. Ford said. "I had no idea where I was, and these bankers were just crazy. Thousands of crazy bankers screaming at me, grabbing hold of me, almost ripping me apart. I felt like an escaped convict."
1. Got distracted looking at women while waiting for pitch to arrive.
2. Jeter, Posada, Arod, et al, like idea of 47-year-old still excelling.
3. Sleeping schedules disrupted by World Cup games.
4. Falling far behind only way to get to Brad Lidge.
5. Cannot hit balls thrown by father figure.
6. Lineup not same without Marcus Thames.
7. Letdown inevitable following emotional bloodbath against Astros.
8. Seventy-five miles an hour -- that's Tim Wakefield Country!
9. Who can hit with that oil leak spewing in the Gulf?
10. Still waiting for that last pitch to arrive.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
At Columbus-Wilkes Barre, Yankee superprospect catcher/DH Jesus Montero is struggling with the curveball.
But at Monroe, Ohio, Jesus Christ last night took a 95-mph electric beanball straight from the heavens. And He burned all the way to the ground. Gone. We're not talking 30 DL. We're talking: To. The. Ground.
Let's just hope the fire investigators don't find evidence of this being Allah's doing.
Es Yunieski Maya, pitcherino macho de los ballbassa, de Cuba (viva Fidel!) uno futuro Yanqui, por favor?
No certainto. Que?
"Fuentes bien enteradas dijeron a ESPNdeportes.com que Boston, Cleveland, Filadelfia, Toronto, los Mets y los Yankees de Nueva York han mostrado interes en negociar con Maya una vez fuera autorizado para firmar."
We're tied for first with baseball's best record, and we're 5-up on the only team to worry about. Nevertheless, be afraid... be very afraid... because....
10. Mo. Games don't just end with Mo. They start and end with Mo. Our mini-collapse three weeks ago came after Mo failed to hold down Boston. When Mo catches a cold, this team sneezes. He's pitching all right... but last year, if Mo went down, we'd have gone with Hughes in a heartbeat. This year... we're not the same team... Mo is a year older. That's what we must fear.
Monday, June 14, 2010
The Yankees have surpassed (Melissa) Manchester United as the A-list team for humanity.
Here are the latest rankings for most powerful brands in all of manhood.
5. Knights Templar of the Deathly Hallows
10. TIE: Fox News Sunday All-Star Discussion Panel & International ManBoy Love Association
You’re my solar, Brian Moeller!
Just let it be, Carlos Lee!
Lance Berkman, such a happy fella!
Houston… such a joy to see!
Have a bagel, Casey Daigle!
With cream cheese, Pedro Feliz!
I wish the schedule we’d finagle,
Houston Astros… come back, please!