Friday, June 29, 2012

Hooray! Yankees save another $42 million!

With days to go before baseball's Collective Bargaining Agreement kicks in - (a.k.a: the Hypocritical Billionaire Socialism Act of 2012) --placing tax limits on how much money that poor, poverty-stricken owner/heirs can bestow upon their obesely rich, undeserving players, the Steinbrothers have successfully cheesed-out on yet another big ticket international free agent.

The Dodgers - apparently finally done appeasing Mrs. McCourt and her all-star team of divorce lawyers - have signed Yasiel Puig, a 6-foot-3, 210-pound OF international man of mystery from Cuba. They are spending $42 million on Puig.

Is he worth $42 mill? Probably not. But considering the harsh oppression under Fidel Castro's communist regime, limiting the money that honest capitalists can earn, it's impressive for a guy to weigh 210 pounds! It's not like America, where a second baseman can hit the market and demand whatever he's worth - for the next week, anyway. The looming luxury tax/salary cap is courtesy of baseball's $25 million a year man, Bud Selig (who once proposed a Spider-Man 2 weekend, in which all MLB teams put the Spidey logo on bases; home plate was excluded, because Bud is a traditionalist.)

But $42 mill, who's counting? The new CBA takes effect next month. That means it's last call on the free agent Latino buffet - last chance to sign these guys without it counting to the future cap on spending. (It's sort of like the U.S. Presidential election, except in this case, what you spend gets reported.) So the Dodgers grabbed their checkbook and jumped in on Puig, even though he be Pug. (Come on, give me that one; with a name like Smuckers, he has to be good.)

And the Yankees sat it out... again.

KaChing. That's our new mantra. Our motto: "No bid. We pass!" Hell, we just saved $42 million! Not counting the money we didn't spend on Jorge Soler! Oh, by the way, we have no significant position prospect above low Single A, and we may not resign Swisher next winter. Still, the Steinboys' pool man twisted his ankle last week in the Olympic-size hot tub, and we expect a lawsuit. This should cover them, with money left over for chips and dip.

Would we have been wise to sign Puig for $42 mill?

Donno. Don't claim to know. That's not the point.

Here it comes: Over the next week or two, the Yankees to sign a couple giant physical specimens from distant parts of the world, the kind of places from where Madonna adopts kids. If we don't splurge on our last chance to do so, Yankee fans should think of joining that pool man's lawsuit.

We could be staring into a bleak Yankee sunset - old players wheezing with nobody to replace them - suffering at the hands of the Yasiel Puigs. The next two weeks need to be Christmas. It's time to see what's under the tree.

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