Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Hope Week is the perfect time to perfect your Juju

This is not a personal blog. I don't post videos of myself. I don't give great details of my private life. It's nobody's business if I happen to enjoy smoking bath salts. (It's the taste, not the high.) So without delving into my personal life, let me confess that I missed the first three innings last night. I was doing something else. I don't need to discuss it. You don't have to know. I didn't even catch The Master's words on the radio. I was totally unsafe and unsecure.

When I finally turned on the game, what a pleasant surprise! Yankees ahead, six to nothing. Six- nothing, baybay. Six-Zip.

So tonight, despite the considerable difficulty in doing what I was doing for three long innings, I will do it again. For three innings. Why?

Because it's Hope Week.

Hope Week is when the Yankees give back. They wash homeless people's feet and hitting lessons to kids with incurable diseases. It's a good thing. It raises Yankee consciousness, it puts the game into perspective - (i.e. meaningless compared to war, disease and hunger) - and it gives us leverage with the juju gods.

Now, I'm not saying that all-powerful, judgmental dieties exist. I'm just saying IF they exist, they gotta be impressed with Hope Week. Yesterday, did the Cleveland Indians visit any hospitals? Hell no. They were doing what I was doing, um, let's not think about that. Cleveland was celebrating No Hope Week. If you were a juju god, and two teams were playing - a Hope Week team vs. an uncaring bunch of yoyos - who would you shave points on behalf of? Hope, dammit.

So during Hope Week, each of us needs to refine our juju. That means learning what works. What were you doing last night during the first three innings? Me? It's nobody's business. But trust me, I'll be doing it again and again and again tonight... for three innings. And I'll tell you something, it feels great at first, but you try to stretch it out over three long innings, and you start to wear out. Three long innings. I was gasping.

But I'm there again tonight. Wish me luck. Six-zip is worth it. Hope Week! Come in Rangoon!


MUSTANG said...

Six-zip. Which is also someone's age. And the Yankees haven't lost since he became that age.

This is getting scary.

jarndyce said...

So what are the other 51 weeks of the year? Hopeless?

bennyboy said...

Were you doing the sex?