Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Posted by el duque at 9:25 AM
1. Grow facial hair.
2. Take steroids.
3. Mass murder.
4. Wife-swapping. (Banned since 1967)
5. Operate dog-fighting rings.
Last night, outfielder Dewayne Wise clearly broke one of those rules. He pretended to catch a foul ball, even though replays showed that the ball dropped out of his glove. An honest man would have admitted that he didn't catch the ball. Wise showed his willingness to practice the devil's form of deceit. In doing so, he placed his thirst for victory over the human quest for integrity... and embarrassed Yankee fans everywhere.
As a result of this, Dewayne Wise is hereby placed on IT IS HIGH YANKEE CODE OF CONDUCT SECRET PROBATION.
Over the next 30 days, we at IIHIIFIIc will watch this man like a hawk. Make no mistake. There is no wriggle room here. If he breaks any of the other Top 5 rules - beards, shredded puppies, etc. - he must leave the team immediately. There will be no judicial appeal, no second chance. This is his warning.
There is no room for cheating on the Yankees. And that goes for pencil mustaches, too.