Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Word to the (Dewayne) Wise: You are in danger of breaking the Yankee Code of Conduct

There are certain things that players must never do in order to uphold and maintain the clear moral superiority that comes with playing for the fabled New York Yankees.

1. Grow facial hair.
2. Take steroids.
3. Mass murder.
4. Wife-swapping. (Banned since 1967)
5. Operate dog-fighting rings.
6. Lie.

Last night, outfielder Dewayne Wise clearly broke one of those rules. He pretended to catch a foul ball, even though replays showed that the ball dropped out of his glove. An honest man would have admitted that he didn't catch the ball. Wise showed his willingness to practice the devil's form of deceit. In doing so, he placed his thirst for victory over the human quest for integrity... and embarrassed Yankee fans everywhere.

As a result of this, Dewayne Wise is hereby placed on IT IS HIGH YANKEE CODE OF CONDUCT SECRET PROBATION.

Over the next 30 days, we at IIHIIFIIc will watch this man like a hawk. Make no mistake. There is no wriggle room here. If he breaks any of the other Top 5 rules - beards, shredded puppies, etc. - he must leave the team immediately. There will be no judicial appeal, no second chance. This is his warning.

There is no room for cheating on the Yankees. And that goes for pencil mustaches, too.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

CC's 'stach?

coolnewyorker said...

It's un-wise to question umps and refs. Or volunteer without being asked to show empty glove. Or admit to it...I mean not having caught the ball.

There was an emphatic "OUT" call. Shut up!

And please do not forget St. Jete...awardwd BB on Oscar winning performance.

Tex Message said...

I don't know... do you consider it cheating if an infielder knows he misses the tag but the ump calls the baserunner out anyway? Do you think he has an obligation to tell the ump, "No, he was safe."

I guess there's a difference, but it seems like a relatively trivial one. Is this really probation worthy?

Anonymous said...

He never pretended to catch it. The ump never asked to see the ball. Derek Jeter got "hit by a pitch" in Tampa last year, the ball clearly hit the bat and he admitted it after the game. Facial hair is allowed so long as it is just a mustache. Yanks care more about how long your head hair is and if you can cover your tattoos (Giambi for example; they dont make CC and didnt make Burnett cuz theirs are in places difficult to hide). Little bit more research before posting an article please.

There is one thing the Yankees care about more than any code of conduct...winning.

coolnewyorker said...

Joking aside, and with all sincerity, I am glad Yanks have code of appearance. I cannot imagine being a Yanks fan and have full appreciation of the team if even just one of the players looks like Manny.

Back to Wise, under such circumstance, it was truly the wise thing to do. Honest.(pun intended)

Alphonso said...

I beg to differ with the implied integrity of IIHIIF officials !

I, for example, have none and give none.

Winning is what matters.

Along with excessive drinking and imbibing in all forms forbidden.

Go DeWayne.

P.S. He was out on the triple, too. Why is no one complaining.

Anonymous said...

I believe it was St. Jeter who pretended to get hit by a pitch when it actually hit the bat. And what about the Jeffrey Maier interference. And don't get me started about all of the Yankees on steroids. Seems like Wise fits right in with all of the others.

manx said...

CC out for 2 weeks
Pettitte out for 6 weeks

We really need Nova, Hughes, and Kuroda to step it up now. Not much doing down in SWB. Maybe if the Phillies continue to suck we can nab Cole Hamels. Garcia looked good today, but the thought of him starting a game scares me.

manx said...

The Verizon 411# you should know is 7. Robbie Cano needs 7 home runs to tie Tony Lazzari for most all time by a Yankees second baseman. Wow. This makes me want to listen to the Robbie Cano Song by the New York Sports Band.

John M said...

Oh, fer chrissakes....the kid said, 'What was I supposed to do? Go back to left field?' He obviously recognized his moral dilemma and chose the way dictated by authority, the umpire. Wise is the man who knows when to question power and when not to. In this case, Dewayne Wise is the man.

Are there actually people carping here about Jete's non-hit by pitch and non-home run from that ancient playoff game? Really? How about the crappy calls that have sucked the life out of our rallies and caused great consternation among replay afficianados? You win some, you lose some. There is no crying in baseball. Neither is anyone obligated to argue the other team's side. That is sheer idiocy. I can imagine an NBA player saying, 'No, ref, honest, he didn't foul me, you are mistaken.' Or Tebow saying, 'Honest to gosh, Mr. Referee, sir, he was nowhere near my face mask.'

Puh-leeeeez. As always, the Yankees are supposed to be Babe Ruth, Jesus Christ and Diogenes mixed together, while all the rest of sport can be human.

Shameless prejudice. And I, too, am very glad nobody on our team can look like Manny or those clowns with the Hammurabi beards. I just wish they would crack down in CC and make him wear an adult's uniform and hat instead of that thing he puts on that makes him look like the world's biggest 3-year-old slob.

John M said...

Oh, fer chrissakes....the kid said, 'What was I supposed to do? Go back to left field?' He obviously recognized his moral dilemma and chose the way dictated by authority, the umpire. Wise is the man who knows when to question power and when not to. In this case, Dewayne Wise is the man.

Are there actually people carping here about Jete's non-hit by pitch and non-home run from that ancient playoff game? Really? How about the crappy calls that have sucked the life out of our rallies and caused great consternation among replay afficianados? You win some, you lose some. There is no crying in baseball. Neither is anyone obligated to argue the other team's side. That is sheer idiocy. I can imagine an NBA player saying, 'No, ref, honest, he didn't foul me, you are mistaken.' Or Tebow saying, 'Honest to gosh, Mr. Referee, sir, he was nowhere near my face mask.'

Puh-leeeeez. As always, the Yankees are supposed to be Babe Ruth, Jesus Christ and Diogenes mixed together, while all the rest of sport can be human.

Shameless prejudice. And I, too, am very glad nobody on our team can look like Manny or those clowns with the Hammurabi beards. I just wish they would crack down in CC and make him wear an adult's uniform and hat instead of that thing he puts on that makes him look like the world's biggest 3-year-old slob.

John M said...

Btw, the wife swapping incident was in 1972, so it couldn't have been banned in 1967. Ask Fritzie.

coolnewyorker said...

I always thought I am a man of integrity beyond reproach...until I envision myself as one of the fans who assisted Wise.

I swear to God, I would do exactly the same thing. I would retrieve the dropped ball and put it right back in Wise's glove.

But I would not admit to it. I have scruples.