Milwaukee catcher Jonathan Lucroy says his negligent, devil woman wife Sarah is receiving death threats on Facebook, because her terrifying inability to keep house caused him to break his hand.
According to the Internet, Lucroy was reaching under the bed for something, when a suitcase set by Lady Evil toppled onto his hand.
Try to recreate this scene in your mind.
Yep. Same here.
Way I see it, he must have been cowering under the bed - with his hand reaching out.
Satanic beast woman.
This is the most terrifying display of womanly wife evil since Graig Nettles’ spouse refused to mow their lawn, causing Graig to miss four weeks of Yankee time after the poor, lovable doofus did what any man would do - stick his hand in the rotating blade.
Let’s get one thing straight; Here at IT IS HIGH, we don’t condone death threats, unless they’re against fat ex-Redsock pitchers who pour fake blood onto their socks. That said, we’ve seen enough Roger Corman movies to know that a witch is a witch is a witch. Why, just imagining the evil cacklings of Mrs. Lucroy (hmmm… Mrs. Lucifer?) eating chocolates, trying on wigs and painting her face with fancy creams – while her poor hubby is writhing on the floor, screaming in torment, unable to free his hand from weight of her lead-filled luggage.
Damn, how do we get to her Facebook page? We should send her some Farm Town animals.