1. Always intends to reveal itself next year.
2. Ability to suddenly collapse into nothingness.
3. Explodes with negative ions near Valentine particle.
4. Amazingly, seems to like Ben Affleck movies.
5. Produces bizarre whining sound, called “Shaughnessy Effect.”
6. May induce cryonic freezing of former players' heads.
7. In alternative universe, has already traded Kevin Youkilis.
8. Found only by super-colliders with “toxic” clubhouses.
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