Drew Barrymore, star of 2005 anti-Yankee propaganda film “Fever Pitch,” marries a civilian

DATELINE: HOLLYWOOD _ Starlet Drew Barrymore - the “E.T.” cherub who, back in the era before bath salts, was sniffing glue at age 14, and who later grew up to become the Princess Leia of anti-Yankee hate groups - tied the knot yesterday with some guy who does not play for or against the Yankees, and thus is invisible to this blog.

Thus ends the secret kink fantasy campaign of IT IS HIGH to see the actress fall in love with – and then get ingloriously dumped by – Alex Rodriguez, the youngest man in history to hit 600 home runs and bed 600 Hollywood starlets.) (Note: Hip and knee problems may keep A-Rod from breaking Derek Jeter's lifetime record of 762.) 

What can we say? Drew is drawn. Our dream has ended. Neither A-Rod nor Jeet will ever avenge the starlet who appeared in the infamous neo-Redsock propaganda film, “Fever Pitch,” a veritable fund-raiser for Yankee hate groups, the movie that jabbed salt into our still-fresh wounds from the terrible Collapse of 2004.

Now, barring a divorce – something that is exceedingly rare in Hollywood - Barrymore will never receive her just humiliation at the hands of a Hall of Fame Yankee swordsman.

Frankly, we’re still holding a mini-candle for A-Rod to break the heart of Barrymore’s co-star Jimmy Fallon – (not that there’d be anything wrong with it) – but the prospects don’t look promising.

Barrymore, by marrying a non-entity, has escaped our dooming IT IS HIGH sword of fantasy vengeance. You can’t win them all.