1. Set the defense.
2. Make sure teammates get sleep on night before derby.
3. Give signs to “swing away.”
4. Uphold traditional, hard-fought sanctity of All-Star Game Home Run Derby.
5. Take troubled teammates under wing.
6. Absolutely prohibit tomfoolery.
7. Run out grounders, even though nobody in the field.
8. Yell “Get out! Get out! Get out!” when teammate hits long fly.
9. Make sure hookers get paid.
10. Pretend to take it seriously.