Monday, September 15, 2014

Come on, Hal, give us something more than a Jeter tribute band: Free Pat Venditte from the Yankee death pit

Ugh. Another brutal loss. Another torturous Derek Jeter outing. Any other player would at least get "rested" a few games. (Remember Girardi benching A-Rod?) The Yankees are killing themselves, crucifying their captain on the cross of Steiner Collectibles. By the time Jeter leaves, the vampire Steinbrenners will have drained every last penny from his legacy - giving Yankee fans a dead organization, choked in its own money and mired in mediocrity.

Who thought the 2014 Yankees could be more embarrassing than last year's fetid, shambling monstrosity?

The genius of the Incompetent Empire lies in the way it kills hope for next year. Here we are - late September, when most also-ran teams showcase their top prospects. The Yankees are trotting out Zelous Wheeler and Antoan Richardson, each closer to 30 than 20. Their top "prospects" from last winter - Slade Heathcott, Mason Williams, J.R. Murphy and Gary Sanchez - did practically nothing all season. In 2015, the Redsocks will unveil three potential impact rookies. We can look forward to bringing back Carlos Beltran.

And Brian Cashman. The Steinbrenners - braced by Randy Levine - are expected to re-sign The Architect.

So... who do we do? Obviously, the NY Football Giants can provide no escape. We can chant Jeter's name harder than ever, but we can't get him a base hit. You sense he cannot wait for this stinker of a season to end, to escape the relentless media scrum, and to never again have to walk back to the dugout holding his helmet, with his scoreboard average falling below .250. Will Joe let him slide to .239? With the commemorative bases up for sale, does Joe even have a choice?

Dear God, we need a diversion. Here's a vote for bringing up Pat Venditte, the switch pitcher, the only ambidextrous thrower in our history. He's 29. He's spent his career in the Yankee system. This year, at Trenton and Scranton, he compiled a 2.64 ERA. Seriously, folks, do you want to see another Adam Warren outing? Do you want Masahiro Tanaka to tear the rest of the elbow and miss all of 2015? Is Jesse Outman worth our attention?

Hal, take off the kinky boots of yours and give us something else to remember. Free Pat Venditte from the Yankee death grip. Bring up the switcher-pitcher.


Alphonso said...

The Yankees hqve no good ideqs. No imagination.

They only hqve Brian Cashman and the two idiot sons.

Nothing will change.

Don't even dare to dream.

KD said...

Yes! Let's have some fun!

I know this has been done before but let's bring up the shortest midget we can find to get a sure-fire walk when we need one most. Oh, and why not put in a woman? get some softball pitcher with that wicked underhand they throw. She might even get a gift basket from Jeets, if she swings that way.

BernBabyBern said...

Seriously, what does Venditte have to do to get a cup of coffee in the majors? I think at this point the ambidextrous thing works against him, because the Yankees don't want to be seen as bringing up a "gimmick" pitcher, no matter how good the guy has been in the minors.

You know what would be a great "gimmick" for the Yankees this season? Scoring a goddamned run once in a while.