Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Who should Yankee fans root for in the playoffs? The answer is obvious. The Yankees, dammit!

The NY Times Tyler Kepner - (who is no Tyler Clippard) - this morning puts forth some namby-pamby, do-gooder analysis that claims Yankee and Met fans should support the longest suffering cities in baseball because - oh, hell, I didn't read it, life is too short.

The fact is, the Yankees can benefit by what happens in this hell-spawned post-season. And even if Marshmallow Hal Steinbrenner right now is sitting with a loaded Luger in his mouth, reading a job application from Sidney Ponson, we must stay the course and stay coarse - that is, root for our swine-like self-interest... because that's what it once meant to be a Yankee fan. Have you forgotten? We were feared, reviled! as "the Evil Empire." Now, we're the Evil Town Dump. Gyadammit, let's at least be eeeeee-vil.

Here's my rankings of who we should root for, and why. Tell me if I'm wrong. I don't claim to be right. Just eeeee-vil.

1. Baltimore. (And this has nothing to do with my still smoldering opinion of Buck Showalter.) Simply stated, if they win, they'll fall apart. JJ Hardy will want more money next winter. So will Nick Markakis and Nelson Cruz. They can't sign them all. They'll probably let Matt Wieters walk, too. It's damn hard to repeat. If the O's win, they'll have won their championship for the next 20 years, fulfilled their quota, and they can return to insignificance, and I say, GO YOU O's.

2. Royals. Same basic deal. Let them win. Who cares? They have most of their players already signed through the next ice age. I wouldn't mind seeing them mop the floor with Anaheim. Plus, a KC win will be baseball's worst nightmare, marketing wise. All those executives in Bud Selig's office who are still congratulating themselves for the collapse of the Yankees... let them stare into the void of a Kansas City dynasty and think about the bottom line. Aint gonna be no Eric Hosmer farewell tour.

3. Dodgers. Mattingly love here. I still believe he is fated to someday run the Yankees. I would happily see them win it, especially if it causes them to keep Hanley Ramirez from us. I personally think that Hanley is the closest living human to A-Rod, in terms of DNA, and bringing him to NY as Jeter's replacement would be an incredible mistake.

4. Tigers. This winter, Scherzer and Victor Martinez will jump ship. It's now or never for Detroit. I'm still smarting over how they tortured us in recent playoff years; we've never gotten revenge. Still, I'm thinking the Redsocks will go after Scherzer, because they don't have to worry about losing first round picks. If the Tigers win, Boston's price tag goes up. (Same for James Shields of KC, BTW.) 

5. Angels. Let's face it: We're never going to get Mike Trout, until he's 44 and built like Carlos Beltran. I don't see many free agents on their roster who we want. Screw them. If they win, maybe they'll be less hungry to go after John Lester or the next slugger from Cuba - (whom we really need to sign, BTW.)  

6. Pirates. Our favorite trading partners. If they win, the price of their talent only goes up when Cashman calls, and for some reason, they're one of the few teams willing to deal with us. I have nothing against Pittsburgh, but why overpay in the next deal?

7. Giants. The Panda is a free agent, but we're stuck with A-Rod at third, and I don't think we want another guy shaped like Zelous Wheeler. They've won their share of championships and have managed to keep their core players. If they beat LA, the Dodgers will go nuts and probably spend the moon on Lester. I don't see any gain for us if they win it.

8. Cardinals. Screw them. A couple years ago, five or 10 maybe, they beat us with Bob Gibson, Tim McCarver and Bill White - and don't think I've forgotten or forgiven! Adam Wainwright had the class to throw Jeter a meatball, and then the gall to shoot off his mouth about it. Screw him. Screw them. We gain nothing by them winning the World Series. Plus, they've twice rolled over for Boston. Pttuuii.

9. Washington. I'm worried here, because I think it's only a matter of time before the Yankees empty their entire farm system for Bryce Harper, and I'm not sure that's a good idea. Harper grew up as a nutjob Yankee fan, and at some point, he'll want to take his act to Gotham. If Washington wins, his price will go up. We're better off with him fizzling, going 0-for-20, and creating animosity, so when the Caps have had enough, it's only half the farm system. Maybe we'll keep Aaron Judge.

10. A's. Another team always on the cusp of winning - and which never does. If they win, the price of their players will rise. Most notably, I'm thinking about John Lester. He's the one free agent pitcher out there who - because he was traded in the mid-season - WON'T cost us our first round pick. Boston doesn't have to worry about losing picks, thanks to engineering a collapse. But we can't keep pissing away first round picks. That means we want John Lester! And that means we don't want him pitching Oakland to the World Series.

See? Being eeee-vil is easy. All you have to do is think about Number One.

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