Tuesday, October 15, 2019

The next eight years of Giancarlo Stanton are dangling over a perilous cliff

If Giancarlo Stanton cannot play this afternoon, the Yankees should spare him a pregame introduction. The thunderous boos will be too embarrassing. It will sound like a Bruce Springsteen concert. It will go on and on, beyond Stanton's ability to wince and shrug it off. It will be personal. It will be painful. 

If Stanton cannot play, the team should do the humane thing and place his whale-sized carcass on the Injured List, culling him from the 2019 post-season. They can bring up Mike Ford to platoon with slappy Edwin Encarnacion, whose ridiculous lunges at pitches made up for Stanton's absence on Sunday. (By the way, considering the Astros and Nats starters, a platoon would effectively exile the Parrot for the rest of October.) 

If we've learned anything about baseball's new reality, it is that ascending stars are getting younger and younger - 22 is the new 30 - and the team that bets on retreads will find itself watching them in the sauna. Stanton is on the verge of joining an elite club of total Yankee debacles - the likes of Carl Pavano, Kei Igawa, Kevin Youkilis, Danny Tartabull, and maybe even eclipse the demigod of inactivity, Mr. Jacoby Ellsbury himself, as the once-in-a-generation gaffe that jeopardizes the franchise. Considering the injuries that Stanton has compiled, prosecutors should investigate Brian Cashman for Munchausen by proxy. Something is going on here. 

It's hard to recall how, two winters ago, the trade that brought Stanton to Gotham was actually viewed as a Yankee steal - Cashman taking advantage of a rawboned, inexperienced, dullard named Derek Jeter. All the Marlins got in return was the younger brother of some guy named Rafael Devers (who was, incidentally, considered the better prospect - yikes!) Today, the notion of eight more Yankee years of Stanton fills our stomachs with concrete. We pay him $26 million the next two years. Then it rises to $29 million. In 2023, it bumps up to $32 million. It ends in 2028, at $25 million. Thinking about Stanton, I'm reminded of the way Carl Sagan used to describe the cosmos - "bill-i-ons and bill-i-ons..." In this case, the conclusion is that we are alone - alone with Stanton's concrete. We are screwed for eternity. 

By the time Stanton's contract ends, Miami will be underwater, the hills of California will look like Kingsford briquettes, and you'll need a passport to drive across the country.   

Of course, the Death Star will still be rich beyond our imagination. Maddening us the most will be Food Stamps Hal Steinbrenner's refusal to spend on players. Whenever a free agent comes on the market, Hal will point to Stanton - (his mistake, by the way, no one else's) - and outline plans to cut payroll. We once envisioned a perfect Yankee balance: We'd build a top farm system and supplement it with free agents. That will never happen. And whenever our owner steals away to count his money, he will post a giant picture of Stanton, which will silence all critics. In many ways, Hal will get value for every cent he spends on the behemoth. Stanton will get the boos. 

So, this afternoon, when the teams announce their rosters, let's hope Stanton is either playing in left field or on a boat to Hong Kong. Imagine it: The worst acquisition in Yankee history? Worse than Ellsbury? Wow. Folks, we may be witnessing the birth of a legend.


JM said...

John Carlo is the albatross now.

Jacoby must be slightly relieved.

Is Pavano available? He might be our big offseason signing.

13bit said...

Amen, Duque. You would think, after A-Rod, Ellso-Tastic, and NOT signing Soriano, Casholo would have learned his lesson. You would think...

I dread to see, after we are knocked out this week and the World Series is won by serious pitching, what "power arms" he's going to acquire off the scrap heap this winter, assuring Hal that Larry Nutsack will whip them into shape. When did he last get a good pitcher via free agency or trade? Sasha Gray? Crapp? Maple? And no more reminders about Maple's last 9 games of the season. All well and good, but he's not a money pitcher. We have one money pitcher at the moment and his name rhymes with "Tanaka."

Going to be interesting to see what Savvy can bring to the table. Every once in a while - and it's usually during the playoffs - a player has a chance to become a made Yankee. This is his chance.

Anonymous said...

Training Room Heaven

If you believe in forever
and life is more than a home stand.
If there’s a training room heaven…
Well you know that their line up is grand, grand, grand.

Pavano gave us butt jokes,
Giancarlo breaks, each time, that he farts,
And Jacoby, well he stubs something, brand new each day-ay-ay.
and don’t forget our pal Luke Voit
the only thing not hurt is his heart.
They've all found a special place, where they don’t have to play.

If you believe in forever
and life is more than a home stand.
If there’s a training room heaven…
Well you know that is where they all land, land, land.

Remember Miguel AnDUjar,
He was once compared to Joe D.
We lost him, when he dove, back to the bag.
And Jordan Montgomery got the knife
I heard that he’s now back in town.
They're all sitting in a whirlpool
Instead of being in the show.

If you believe in forever
and life is more than a home stand.
If there’s a training room heaven…
Well you know that is where their comeback is planned, planned, planned.

There's no spotlight waiting
Just another seat at the bar
'cuz you ain’t helping get a ring
just a cumulative negative WAR.

If you believe in forever
and life is more than a home stand.
If there’s a training room heaven…
Then I hope it's run by Gene Monahan han han.

Doug K.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Nice poem!

HoraceClarke66 said...

Some of your best work, Doug K.!

Celerino Sanchez said...

Everyone raves about how Cashman finds guys like Urshela, Voit, etc. Fact is he has to because all the guys he signs and trades for suck. He got Torres because the Cubs were desperate, but Andrew Miller had 2 1/2 years left on his contract and we essentially got Big Red Frazier (who will never play for NY) and "Big Game" James Paxton. Quite the haul.

Anonymous said...

Hoss, Thanks.

Carl, It's to "Rock and Roll Heaven". Which BTW has a really weird cadence.


Doug K.

Anonymous said...


While I agree with you that Hal does make a lot of bad trades (or perhaps trades that don't pan out is a better description, because the guys we give up generally don't do much either) the Miller trade was a good one.

Frazier carried us at the beginning of the year and Paxton was 10-0 down the stretch. Both guys are still young enough to contribute.

Miller has been bad for the last two years.

2018 2-4 4.24 ERA in only 37 Games
2019 5-6 4.45 ERA in 73 Games

So I think we won that one.

Doug K.

13bit said...

great work, Doug!

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