Report from the Chairman

Hello, fans.  HAL here, with my latest report to all of you.

After due consideration of recent events, the board has this to say:

HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW, BEE-ATCHES???

I know, I know.  The whining still goes on.  'We don't have the second-string catcher we want, we might give up too much to get one of the best relievers in the game, sign Bumgarner...'

Blah-blah-blah.  It's enough to make any collection of AI blow a microchip.

Others seem to be wondering how this all came about.  You put it down to a Christmas miracle, another visitation, perhaps, from Steinbrenners past in the still of the night.

But the fact is, I've been in therapy recently with my IBM server.  (Also, yes, I have been watching It's a Wonderful Life, Scrooge, and the Hallmark Channel.  Even the ones with lesbians and Jewish people.)

And it seems that I've had what is called "a breakthrough."

After carefully sorting through all of my feelings, I have to conclude that...I love you guys.  Each and every one of you.

ALL-CAPS, don't worry.  We got this.

Alphonso, I find your negativity charming.  Those JuJu gods won't know what hit them.

Warbler, you can suck my (noncancerous) balls.  I know the place of thinly disguised love where you're coming from, and I feel just the same about you.

I'm sorry, but I just can't hold it back any longer.  What's it matter if some Steinbrenner, somewhere, in the fourth millennium won't have every solar space yacht he wants?

We have a World Series to win, before all you altercockers are in the grave.

So everybody sing:

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer true...

Ah, hell, I'm sick of that song.  How about this one:

Here come the Yankees
Let's get behind and cheer the Yankees
They're gonna learn to fear the Yankees
Everyone knows they play to win, win, win
Cause they're the Yankees!