Existential Essay Question Number 1:
Was last night the most horrific, soul-devouring Yankee loss of 2020?
As a forensic fan-vestigator, I refer you to the Colter Bean Scale of Unimaginable Pain, which has since 2007 become the gold standard for rating Yankee defeats. And make no mistake: Last night's debacle scores a solid Four-Bean Salad. A walk-off homer, dished up by Aroldis Chapman, after our bullpen blew a three run lead heading into the eighth. Against the Mets, no less. That's an extra Bean. FIVE MAGIC BEANS. That's some serious gas. Still, was it the worst of 2020?
Let's consider the Aug. 26, 2-1 loss to Atlanta - game two of a doubleheader - when Chad Green surrendered a late inning two-run homer to Freddie Freeman. He recorded the first two outs, walked a batter, then gave up the blast. Who in Hell is writing this Yankee season, Sylvia Plath? This game also featured Aaron Judge re-hurting himself: Add an extra Bean! FIVE MAGIC BEANS.
Or there is the Aug. 19, 4-2 loss to Tampa, when Aaron Boone pulled Gerrit Cole, so Zack Britton could pitch two innings and injure himself - hey, that's an extra Bean! This came as the Yankees were blowing their lead in the AL East. Remember? The old days? Back when the entire season seemed a warm-up to the playoffs? We were so young, so innocent... we believed. FIVE BEANS.
But wait... Let's not forget the Aug. 28, 4-3 walk-off loss to the Mets, when the Water Cannon walked the lead-off batter - an evolving strategy; more on this later - let him steal second, then gave up the two-run HR to slap-hitting SS Amed Rosario. Add a Bean because it was a double-header sweep, and another for it being the Mets. FIVE BEANS! Practically a methane factory.
Honestly, as horrifying as it was, last night's defeat hardly rates as the worst of this season. But in a truncated 60-game year, the juju gods are serving up the full torment of 162 games. Incredible.
As a forensic fan, I have detected a disturbing trend line in these pain super-spreader events.
The bullpen.
Remember when this was unabashedly our superpower? Two veteran closers, plus three top set-up men. Even when Tommy Kahnle blew out his elbow, the golden trove of power arms at Scranton would far surpass the teams that would have to rely on Chaz Roe.
Today - along with the lack of a LH bat and a catcher - our bullpen is a catastrophe. We can safely say that no lead is safe.
I have a suggestion, though:
Next time El Chapo pitches - probably this weekend - if he walks the lead-off batter, take him out.
It that means having another pitcher warming up, so be it. Take him out.
If he protests, if he screams and curses, causing sweat to fly, so be it. Take him out.
If he is humiliated and angry, furious at the embarrassment of it all, regardless of what he says or does, take him out.
If he walks the lead-off batter, take him out.
If he cannot come into a game and throw strikes, he is not an effective closer. And if we lose the game with another pitcher, it makes no difference. We were going to lose, anyway.
If he walks the lead-off batter, take him out.
Existential Question Number 2:
Will our current top-tier, out-of-body losses stand up in the coming week of Orioles and Blue Jays?
Normally, following bitter Yankee defeats, Baltimore offers us a healing balm. Something tells me that's about to end. I am stuck in an abusive relationship with my lover. I feel the car turning, causing the Yankees to press their hips into me. "Oh, Duque," they say. "We could have such a nice life together." "Yes," I say. "Isn't it pretty to think so?"
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19 comments:
The bottom will come when the Yankees finish dead last. I agree, the Orioles are just licking their chops for some revenge for the way we abused them these last few years. The Blue Jays have given us tons of trouble for a long time now. They're getting better now so I don't see why they wouldn't give us a shellacking also. I fear we're about to be taken to the woodshed, big-time.
The only silver lining in all this is that maybe, just maybe, this winter Prince Hal will be roused from his coma to fire all of these nitwits, starting with Brain Cashman.
The Hammer of God
The only time we can truly gauge the bottom will be a set of events that result in the actual dismissal of Brian Cashman, along with his replacement by a real baseball man. Until then, every event just becomes part of the long, long, long journey to the bottom. Let's hope it doesn't take decades.
Tyler Wade's quote after getting doubled-up off 2nd in the 10th inning, “I wanted to be where nobody I knew could ever come.”
"We could have such a nice life together." "Yes," I say. "Isn't it pretty to think so?"
This is an especially apt quote, considering the physical disability of the guy who said "Isn't it pretty to think so?"
“ The Water Cannon “ could not be more descriptive...and he sucks. He finds a way to jeopardize every lead, every time.
As dismal as this year has become, coming here for the wordsmithing and insight is a light at the end of tunnel in this train wreck of a season.
A Hemingway quote! An extra bean for our peerless leader!!
The bullpen meltdown is especially dismaying. Of course we were spoiled by The Great One. But almost my entire, baseball-watching life, the Yankees have had pretty dependable closers.
Lindy McDaniel, Sparky Lyle, Goose Gossage, Dave Righetti, Steve Farr, John Wettleland, Rafael Soriano, Houdini Robertson, Andrew Miller—they had bad games and even bad seasons (mostly because the big brains in baseball didn't know how to use relievers). But I don't remember anything quite this wretched.
Also, Wade's mental miscue places him in the same level of my own private Idaho where I put Nick "Slingblade" Johnson, after he managed to get picked off third at a key moment in the 2003 World Series.
We get that you're a perpetual rookie—actually Wade has now put in 139 games over 4 seasons in the bigs—and we get that you can't hit your way out of a paper bag. But now you can't pay attention on the basepaths, in an extra-inning game against our crosstown rivals?
Really? Are you holding out on us, Tyler?
Does that Murrieta Valley High diploma hide the fact that you are actually a technological genius, who has quietly figured out the new, can't-miss source of green energy? Were you suddenly hit with a brilliant idea for a nanobot design that will eliminate the need for all human labor when you went toddling into third base?
What? We'd love to know. Because if it's anything else, I think this should be your last appearance in a Yankee uniform.
They seem like a collection of individuals these days as opposed to a team. Tampa seems like a team.
Doug K.
@ Doug K. Yeah, that's exactly what the Brain did. Throw together a bunch of players with zero thought about how they'd work together, no thought about if some might make everyone else worse. I suppose it was all based on those stupid metrics. They added up all the WAR values and said "Bonanza!".
The Hammer of God
In fairness to Wade, a line drive to right off DJLM's bat usually falls in. Wade was thinking about scoring. But still, inexcusable. Bad baseball.
What would the Great DiMaggio do?
Yeah, it was a bad mistake, but that does happen every so often in baseball. And when things get really bad, players start to try to do too much. So I didn't go nuts over it. The game was blown by the bullpen, coughing up the tie and then allowing the big home run in the 10th. The bullpen is an abomination. Even without Dellin Betances. (Imagine how much worse it would be with him and those crazy innings.)
The Hammer of God
@ Kevin I think DiMaggio would've given Wade a stern talking to in the locker room. "We don't make mistakes like that here. This is the major leagues, kiddo." But fundamentals are in short supply all over baseball today.
The Hammer of God
True that about the bullpen. But Conforto is a good outfielder with a good arm. If the ball gets by him, Wade scores easily anyway. If it falls in for a single, he's probably not going home anyway.
You have to play that more carefully, ESPECIALLY knowing that the home team gets to start the bottom of the inning with a guy on second.
And yes, Hammer, DiMaggio probably would have verbally kicked his butt. Which is why it's good to have a veteran willing to lead on your team.
On the current Yankees, that would be....
Hammer, I think that you captured something there......
Horace, Gardner seems to be the man for it. Or, ahem, Chapman..... LMAO!
Duque, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of these little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.
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