Today's Daily Death Star reports that - gasp! - James "Big Maple" Paxton, our eternally rehabbing No. 2 starter, has a newly barking wing and, thus, has been shut down. So much for Trump's hope that Pax could pitch by Election Day.
So, in case you're scoring at home... Justus Sheffield, the lefty we gave up for Paxton two years ago, is 2-3 this season in seven starts, with an ERA of 4.34. That's better than J.A. Happ, Jordan Montgomery, Michael King, Clarke Schmidt and - of course! - Big Maple. In May, Sheffield turned 24. Remember how we congratulated ourselves last year, when Sheffield needed extra seasoning? We had bamboozled them dumb, stupid Mariners and practically done stole ourselves a pennant, we did! We are fukkin smart goobers, we are!
Insert sigh. Once again, we experience the Skinner Box electric shock, reminding us of the pitfalls of trading young for old, especially shoulders and elbows. Oh well... this fall, when you visit Kenosha, Portland or Rochester - or whatever lucky next city makes the shit list - join in as protesters chant about the Yankee plight: "No Justus, no peace! No Justus, no peace!" Bring your can of soup.
Okay, I know what you're thinking: "Duque, you can't count Paxton out of the playoffs. He might return." Yeah, and Mitch McConnell might get laid. Listen: The First Rule of all Yankee injury announcements is to triple the rehab time. Imagine Randy Levine as Trump - the hair-plugs nearly match - as he claims nothing is wrong, and the player will return by Easter Sunday. If Trump/Levine says a week, expect a month. If he says a month, make it six. Big Maple is Yankee history, folks. And we are the saps.
So, in a three-game playoff, here is our likely rotation:
1. Gerrit Cole. No-brainer. His entire first Yankee year - maybe his Yankee career - will be judged on what he does in Game One. This could change if Cole must pitch, say, the final weekend of the regular season, to secure a playoff birth. If that happens, abandon hope. This is Cole's Judgement Day.
2. Masahiro Tanaka, who is a) our certified No. 2, b) sort of our big game pitcher and c) probably a loss. Which sets up...
3. Deivi Garcia, the latest Li'l Pedro to roll out of the Yankee publicity assembly line. This, of course, is to pile incredible pressure - dangerous pressure - on a 21-year-old. By Oct. 1, he would maybe have maybe MLB six starts under his belt, still be going once through the league. The stuff of legend? Or could we destroy him?
Probably doesn't matter. By game three, Boone will have tried every bullpen lug nut, searching for the hot hand. Happ or Montgomery will always be warming. The season will probably boil down to which Green shows up: Mean Chad Green, or Lean Cuisine Chad Green?
Wait, you think it's folly to project the playoffs, when we could still crumble? No worries. As you can see, MLB is on the verge of granting a post-season birth to cheating Houston, still a game below .500. The bar has never been lower for a losing team to steal a ring and embarrass the game of baseball forever.
It would be vintage 2020, eh?
No Justus, no peace. No Justus, no peace...
Oh, and one last thing:
Rest in peace, Diana Rigg.
Mrs. Peel, you are needed... still.
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8 comments:
Cole, Tanaka, Garcia. I'll take that.
Happ and Monty in a seven-game series, maybe.
Funny how Paxton reinjured himself or found a new way to get hurt. Like Judge. Those new trainers are doing a hell of a job, Brownie.
As long as Stanton can jog the bases at 80%, we have a chance. Who knows? He may be able to jog to first and leg out what otherwise would be a double or triple. If he gets off the bench, of course.
First of all I can't that we won't have Gig Game James Paxton for the playoffs. Next to "Iron Horse" Stanton, he was the glue that held everything together. My guess by next week Garcia will have a twinge in his forearm and miss a start and in two weeks will have TJ surgury. Aaron "The Iron Man" Judge should come back just in time to to hit Tanaka in the head again and in doing so Judge will pull a muscle that no one has ever heard off and be day-to-day till 2022. So we will done to Cole, King and I predict that R Sox will waive Evoldi. Then we can have a rotation of Nate, King, Cole for the playoffs.
Sheffield is getting better, and when the Yankees let Paxton walk, he'll return to the Mariners as a low-cost free agent and anchor a deep rotation that will carry the Mariners to the top of the AL. These days, you have to get bad to get good, so the Yankees are well on their way. Digest the losing without rancor...it's tough, but You've got El Duque to help you laugh your way through it.
Back in the day, Diana Rigg was hot, really hot. Yeah, we could've used her and Maxwell Smart to clean up the rot in the Yankees front office. R.I.P.
@Buhner's Ghost I wouldn't mind tanking to get better. But it will just be a replay on a loop as long as we have incompetent or devious people running the franchise. Get top baseball people here, then we'll have a chance to turn it around.
The Hammer of God
El duques
A) There are a lot of Yank fans in Rochester so the recent turmoil does make sense
B) Mrs. Peel was the first woman that I ever craved and I was too young to even know why. R.I.P. you darling.
The Archangel
No tanking, ever! Any player who quits gets traded. Can't stand that losers mentality, once it starts it can become the cancer that resists treatment.
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