Virtual Baseball: King Is No Deivi, Yanks Fall in Fenway. Tiffany Released.

Virtual Mike King was better than meh tonight, but the Yanks still lost in Boston, as left fielder Clint Frazier played two balls off the Green Monster into four baggers, and Nathan Eovaldi surrendered 10 hits and 3 walks, but managed to hold on for a complete-game, 5-4 win in the Fens.

Frazier's first miscue came when he misjudged the carom of a ball Xander Bogaerts hit off the scoreboard, then managed to kick it into centerfield.

Three pitches later, The Red Menace, waving at a flyball by Rafael Devers, slammed through an unsecured door into the scoreboard itself, where he could be heard for several minutes, yelling, "Hello?  Hello?  Why is it all dark in here?"  while the scoreboard operators audibly giggled and Devers ploughed on around the bases.

Frazier redeemed himself with a pair of jacks off Eovaldi, but the rest of the Yankees failed repeatedly with runners in scoring position.

Asked why he had played the Yanks' coordination-challenged Frazier in Fenway's notoriously difficult left field in the first place, manager Ma Boone replied.  "Um, I forget."  Boone denied that it had anything to do with the six-foot-long sabremetrics printout delivered to him before the game that mathematically proved Frazier playing left field in Boston would improve the Yankees' chances of winning by .007 percent.

The disappointing loss dropped the Bombers 3 games behind first-place TB, with just 24 contests remaining.

In an unrelated story that dominated the headlines, the Justice Dept. released Tiffany Trump, who had volunteered to turn state's evidence against her father, in return for favorable sentencing considerations.

In a statement today, Ms. Trump admitted that she had actually been charged with no crimes and had no evidence to give, but "I just wanted daddy to pay attention!"

President Trump blamed the entire incident on his closest presidential rival, Jesse "The Body" Ventura, who promptly challenged him to a steel cage match.