From the desk of HoraceClarke66...
Attend the tale of Heaney, Clod!
Chorus: Attend the tale of
Heaney, Sod!
His pitches were slow and his pitches were odd!
Chorus: His pitches looked
like day-old scrod!
Throw your pitches fat, Heaney,
See them rise into the sky!
Swiftly go the balls that you
call major-league!
Up in the Bronx he took the mound,
Chorus: Up in the Bronx,
thanks to that clown!
For a team of some renown.
Chorus: We’d rather have
him in Boston town!
And there he gave up a homer an inning,
As bad at the end as he was
beginning!
Chorus: Heaney sees signals that no one sees,
They hit his pitches as if off
tees.
Heaney’s throwing October away,
Heaney’s worse with each passing
day!
No one can help,
Nothing can hide you!
Isn’t that Heaney
There beside you?
Chorus: HEANEY, HEANEY, HEANEY!
Attend the tale of Heaney, Clod!
He served a vengeful juju god!
His pitching is dragging us
straight to hell,
But with our bullpen he might as
well.
Oh, Heaney!
The demon pitcher of
Cash-
Man!
With extreme apologies to Mr.
Sondheim.
Posts
15 comments:
Stand back everyone! Horace is on a roll!
Sheer. Effing. Genius.
Better than the original I doff my buunit to you good sir
The trade that brought him here should see Cashman getting the sack
weeping here in Greenwich Village...
Haven’t posted in a while….but that was special !
Thanks, guys!
Beware over-reliance on batting average, one of the most beloved stats on this blog:
https://www.mlb.com/news/mike-zunino-most-valuable-mendoza-line-hitter
HC, that was very good, but I am holding out full praise til you take on the entire season and pattern it after" The Illiad."
Love me some Homer.
The Archangel
Pardon me afficiandos, Iliad should have only one "L".
the Embarrassed Archangel
Beautifully done. Kudos. Surely Stephen would approve.
Thanks, Archie! This season does indeed already feel 10 years old. And I'm sure if this team built a Trojan horse Chapman or Britton would cough. (As opposed to cough it up!)
I don't know beans about musicals, but still got it. Hoss, you're a marvel.
Brilliant! Absolutely Brilliant.
Nothing's going to harm you,
not while I'm around
Hoss,
Sorry to be late to the party. I finally made it back home after 3 1/2 months on the road. I'm now ensconced in my favorite chair and have the time to properly appreciate this great piece of writing. Well done sir!
Doug K.
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