Friday, August 13, 2021

HoraceClarke66: “Heaney! Heaney! HEANEY!!!”

 From the desk of HoraceClarke66...

Attend the tale of Heaney, Clod!

Chorus: Attend the tale of Heaney, Sod!

 His pitches were slow and his pitches were odd!

Chorus:  His pitches looked like day-old scrod!

 Throw your pitches fat, Heaney,

See them rise into the sky!

Swiftly go the balls that you call major-league!

Up in the Bronx he took the mound,

Chorus:  Up in the Bronx, thanks to that clown!

 For a team of some renown.

Chorus:  We’d rather have him in Boston town!

 And there he gave up a homer an inning,

As bad at the end as he was beginning!

 Chorus:  Heaney sees signals that no one sees,

They hit his pitches as if off tees.

Heaney’s throwing October away,

Heaney’s worse with each passing day!

 No one can help,

Nothing can hide you!

Isn’t that Heaney

There beside you?



Attend the tale of Heaney, Clod!

He served a vengeful juju god!

His pitching is dragging us straight to hell,

But with our bullpen he might as well.

 Oh, Heaney!

The demon pitcher of




With extreme apologies to Mr. Sondheim.



DickAllen said...

Stand back everyone! Horace is on a roll!

Dandy Prof said...

Sheer. Effing. Genius.

Scottish Yankee fan said...

Better than the original I doff my buunit to you good sir

The trade that brought him here should see Cashman getting the sack

13bit said...

weeping here in Greenwich Village...

......Since 56 said...

Haven’t posted in a while….but that was special !

HoraceClarke66 said...

Thanks, guys!

Anonymous said...

Beware over-reliance on batting average, one of the most beloved stats on this blog:

Anonymous said...

HC, that was very good, but I am holding out full praise til you take on the entire season and pattern it after" The Illiad."
Love me some Homer.

The Archangel

Anonymous said...

Pardon me afficiandos, Iliad should have only one "L".

the Embarrassed Archangel

Piiax said...

Beautifully done. Kudos. Surely Stephen would approve.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Thanks, Archie! This season does indeed already feel 10 years old. And I'm sure if this team built a Trojan horse Chapman or Britton would cough. (As opposed to cough it up!)

JM said...

I don't know beans about musicals, but still got it. Hoss, you're a marvel.

Yankee Daddy Roger said...

Brilliant! Absolutely Brilliant.

Nothing's going to harm you,
not while I'm around

Anonymous said...


Sorry to be late to the party. I finally made it back home after 3 1/2 months on the road. I'm now ensconced in my favorite chair and have the time to properly appreciate this great piece of writing. Well done sir!

Doug K.

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