Dear Mr. President,
I know you're busy with Covid, inflation, Ukraine, snow, breakdown of civilization, new cat, etc.... but America needs you.
Talks between baseball's owners and players are dead, and the opening of spring training is in danger. If the 2022 season is delayed, the national pastime will be permanently damaged.
In this time of stark political polarization, America needs baseball more than ever. I've always figured that, when the civil war starts, if I'm captured, I'll win over the enemy by talking about Don Mattingly. I mean, who doesn't respect Don Mattingly?
If baseball kills the 2022 season, America will lose a great unifier. And it might never return.
Were this a strike, you could invoke the Taft-Hartley Act of 1947 and force the union to return to work as a key to national security. This is a lockout, initiated by the owners, but you still can take action.
Sir... Call for a mediation panel with binding powers to settle this dispute.
The union won't accept no-name flunkies, who can be bribed. And the owners - like all rich people - think having money makes them an expert on everything. But you win over both sides by naming a panel of Great American Baseball Fans, which would command a pulpit unlike any we've ever known.
I suggest you pick five from this list of great Americans and known baseball fans, culled from readers of IT IS HIGH:
Bruce Springsteen
Doris Kearns Goodwin
Ken Burns
Barack Obama
Bob Costas
Paul Giamatti (note: son of former commissioner)
Bill James
Peter Gammons
Larry David
Stephen King
Jimmy Carter
David Letterman
Jay-Z
Oprah Winfrey
George W. Bush
Hillary Clinton
Bill O'Reilly
Keith Olbermann
Liberals and conservatives. Entertainers and politicians. Writers and actors. Pick five. Do it now.
Sir, it's time to get into the ballgame. Time is running out.
2 comments:
Biden? It's not that bad. Truly powerful people don't ask Biden to get involved in anything until they know all hope of a solution is extinguished, and they need somebody to blame for the fuck up. "Joe, it's yours. Do your thing, legend." We're not there yet.
You left out Sir Paul McCartney AKA Macca. He claims to love Baseball.
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