Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Is A-Rod heating up for his final meltdown?

The Iron Law of Wackos says that, as the authorities close in, you mix the Kool-Aid, soak the barricades in gasoline, and make sure everybody has a bullet for himself, and one for each member of his family. That final confrontation, the one where everybody dies in a network-televised inferno: That's the money shot. That's your legacy, Mr. Koresh. Want people to remember your name, Reverend Jones? Go out with a hail of hellfire near a CNN sound truck. 

On that note, it's fair to expect Alex Rodriguez to hit 10 home runs in the next month, passing Willie Mays - (who was also once banned from baseball, by the way) - on the all-time MLB Home Run list (of morality-approved players.)  A-Rod has now homered in two straight games. The last time he did it, I think he was dating Cameron Diaz, and Thomas Dewey was President.

Nevertheless, I'm betting the juju gods have something special planned for us: The money shot.

No final Arod chapter can be complete without the meltdown, the collapse - the winning runs on base, the swing and the miss, the glare at the ump, and the long march back to the dugout, with that sad Arod glance over his shoulder at the pitcher who ruined eternity. When the end comes for Arod - and, yes, for the 2013 nightmare Yankee season - I believe it will happen with just such a flourish. I'm starting to think it is meant to happen... that a team and its fan base cannot endure such torment without a final reason, a resolution that puts everything into perspective.

And, frankly, folks, I don't care anymore. Our little mating dance with the Wild Card race - the Yankees' last two weeks, featuring Arod as our midway dunking clown - gave us  a reason to watch the team, when otherwise there was none.

If we were still playing Alberto Gonzalez at third - God bless you, sir - we would 10 games out, the bleachers would be full of sea gulls, and the games would be pointless, beyond checking the box scores to see how Robbie and Gardner did. 

Arod's return gave us something to watch: A few sideshows, en route to the final explosion and the ensuing scenes of Hell. No, it won't be pretty, folks, when the barn roof finally collapses. But it will be over, done, and it will be riveting. That's the Iron Law of Egomaniacs (See Olbermann, Keith): Never be boring.

And say whatever you wish about Arod. But add this addenda to his gravestone: HE WAS NEVER BORING.

Two home runs in two nights. Watch out, Willie. (And you, too, Rev. Jones.) Hey, can I have seconds on that Kool-Aid?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I hope he gets the 6 mill. Serves the Steinbrenners right for signing him to that contract AFTER he opted out

KD said...

I agree, if that matters at all. A-Rod should collect. It's not like games will get cheaper for fans or the team will actually improve if the steinspawn cheat A-Rod. It'll just mean more money in their pockets. Convince me I should care about that, you A-Rod haters.