Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Planning our Playoffs starting rotation



Obviously, Hiroki throws Game One. The only question is whether this is the one-game Wild Card, or we win the division, in which case he’ll face the lucky winner.

Either way, Hiroki is our man. He gets the biggest float in the Canyon of Heroes parade. Understand? Biggest float. After that, well, we face questions.
For Game Two, career achievement loyalists will want Andy or C.C., but I say, "Glag!" Let's break the mold. Super Nova is our second-best starter. When we sent him to Scranton, something there scared the living Christ baby out of Nova, and he hasn't been the same. He should pitch Game Two. Yes, I know - you’re saying we need to render unto C.C. what is C.C.’s - whatever the hell that means. I get it. Still, I’m with the Ivanhoe.

That puts either C.C. and Andy in Game Three, and the key is whether we have home field advantage. If we've compiled the AL's best record - I would suggest switching Andy to Game Two, because it will be in Yankee Stadium, where the ghosts of the Babe and Wee Willie haunt the rafters, giving wedgies to enemy outfielders while they chase fly balls. The ghosts, who have roamed this grand old cathedral since it was built, will work harder with Andy than C.C. because - well - they’re racists. One of these days, Bud Selig will kick them out of Cooperstown; he has hired guns working on this, as we speak.

Phil Hughes becomes our eighth inning maestro, the Mo-pan Zee Bridge, which frees David Robertson to create his jams in the seventh. If we can run the table in the first round, a three-game sweep, C.C. will start Game One of the ALCS, and we'll call up Chris Bootcheck from Scranton, just to spice up the Fox Sports broadcasts.

Of course, with the Yankee bats scoring 14 runs per game, it really won't matter who we pitch. Maybe Alberto Gonzalez can throw a couple mop-ups, or we'll let Betances get some playoffs experience. That's how traditions are born.

11 comments:

Parson Tom said...

can't miss. set in stone. fait accompli. order your World Series tix today. I mean, obviously, any team that can win three in a row, four out of five, well, you just have to do the math to see where that takes you: the winning locker room and a Champagne shower.

JM said...

Definitely. We're going to make it. Joe G said we need 35 wins the rest of the way, and we've won three since he said it. So now we need 32. Piece of cake. If we can score 14 runs every time CC pitches, we might actually win those games. Well, at least we'll have a good shot at them.

And if we can score 7 or 8 whenever Andy and Phil pitch, we might win a couple of those, too.

It can be done. Vernon is waking up. Sori is on track. A-Rod is on whatever he's on, and it's working.

Watch out, Boston. You're in for a world of hurt.

KD said...

I want the AL East. Who will be this year's Becky Dent??

el duque said...

Keep in mind we'll have Youkilis back, too. And maybe Manny Banuelos can get in a rehab start, if we're ahead 3-0 in the World Series.

SanJoseKid said...

Your discussion of the merits of the various pitchers is flawless. However, let us not forget that Alberto Ramon Gonzalez has the best ERA in the Yankees' 2013 pitching stats. It's not too late to get him back on the roster. Failing that, maybe test out some the now-marginalized players as spot relievers? Vernon Wells?

joe de pastry said...

And after we win the World Series, Kate Upton and Emma Stone will invite me to join them in a three-way.

A-Rod said...

This winning streak is all due to my return. The JuJu gods love me. YCPBB!!!

JM said...

Hey, Joe, take some pictures!

Celerino Sanchez said...

A wise man once said "Hey ya can't predict baseball"

J. Lam said...

Game 1: Kuroda

Game 2: Kuroda's left arm.

Mustang said...

Thursday: Soriano 8 RBI