BUY MY BOOK: BARD OF THE DEAL: THE POETRY OF DONALD TRUMP
Monday, August 26, 2013
Posted by el duque at 7:11 AM
Ten losses. That's a couple Phil Hughes meltdowns, one Joba outing, a handful of those one-run scoring nights - and maybe a game pissed away by a bad umpiring call. Ten stinkin' losses. Any more, and it's football season: How 'bout them Gints! Eleven losses, and we're looking at next year's Yankee roster, which is to say, we're looking for a resurgence sometime around 2016. Wake me before the asteroid hits. Slade Heathcott will be 35.
Ten more losses.
That's my kitchen table math. It aint exactly algorithms. We have 31 games to play. We are four games behind, with three teams above us. If we win two out of every three, that's a higher winning percentage than any of the Wild Card contenders have shown for the season, and it probably wins us a trip to that one-game playoff, the illusionary crap shot that Bud Selig created for MLB marketing purposes. You know, the special, limited-edition collectable caps that the winning team will be handed after the one-game playoff victory. We'll all want to buy one as keepsakes.
Ten losses, give or take. If we win two out of three - well, that aint bad, as Meat Loaf said (Yankee fan, by the way.)
The wins won't register. It's just the losses now that will kill us.
We have three left with the White Sox. If we don't sweep them, and batter them in doing so, we deserve to have our balls turned into Mentos and then poured into Diet Coke. I'm calling it 3-0. No losses.
We have six with Toronto. This frightens me. We won't beat them forever. I'm figuring two losses.
We have seven with Boston. Insert sigh here. If we're lucky, we take the series. Still, three losses.
Seven with Baltimore. We simply must beat them five times. Two losses.
Three with Tampa. At home. I'll stay optimistic. One loss.
Three with Houston, and three with San Francisco. Some of the last series of the year. Both teams suck. Both teams are playing for draft picks. If we're in it, we should sweep them both. But we won't, of course. Late season tomato cans always rise up against the Yankees. Two losses.
That's 10 losses, right there. We would still make it. (Or not, if some other team goes crazy). We must win every series, or get boiling hot and sweep somebody.
If we lose tonight, it's not over.
If we lose tonight and tomorrow, it's not over.
We have 10 losses to eat. Bon appetit!