Sunday, June 29, 2014

"Tanaka's bad call costs Yankees a game?" Are you kidding me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Today's Gammonitic talking points are that Masahiro Tanaka's decision to throw Mike Napoli a fastball is why the Yankees lost last night's game. What a crock. What. A. Crock!

Seriously. Even amoung the modern standards of artistic crockiness, which surpass levels historically unparalleled by the crocking crockers of crockery, this is one supremely crock-intense crock. It's Tanaka's fault that we lost? Think about that. I'd say it was Tanaka's fault that we were in it.

And Napoli's comment, "What an idiot," supposedly delivered upon returning to the Redsock dugout, should refer not to Tanaka, but Joe Girardi, who seems inclined to pitch Masahiro until his arm cracks, but who handles the other starters like a pair of Google glasses. Frankly, somebody ought to shave Mr. Mouthy Napoli before this series ends, as if to tell him we don't appreciate lip-syncs - but that would upset the kindred sportsmanship of these two bodies of statesmen, as they quibble over third place in the buttery AL East. Last night's game on Fox was like watching some re-enactment of a historical battle, where all the insurance agents put on uniforms and run across the village green, carrying fake weapons. And everybody gathered to watch has the same thought: What. A. Crock.

Let's accept that John Lester is a fine pitcher, who always kills the Yankees, even as other teams in baseball tee off on him like homeless people at a buffet. But the Yankees' anemia has become downright boring. A month ago, it was fun to see Yangervis Solarte stride up to bat. Now, it's painful. A month ago, Carlos Beltan and Brian McCann were on the verge of breaking out. Now, the concept of having them for three and five years, respectively, makes me shudder. We gave up draft picks for these guys. We mortgaged the future. Good grief, this is how the Knicks became the Knicks.

Now Cashman, the wizard, says he's going to rescue us. He'll wave his wand, cast one of his magical spells and - poof - he'll conjure up some downward spiraling former all-star - (thinking career peak of 2010) - at the cost of a few prospects from our farm system, which is already as thin as a coat of Windex. The Gammonites will hail it, as they love to do. Oh, the crockiness of it all. Damn that Tanaka! He cost us the game!


KD said...

Duque, it's always the pitcher's fault when we lose. It's right in the box score: Tanka lost this game. He should know to throw shutouts with the offence we have. He should be fined for that dismal performance last night.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

This 2014 Yankee team is even more pathetic than last year's model, which is REALLY saying something,,,, This team has zero offense, they remind me of Zombie Yankees, but not the kick ass current generation of sprinting zombies creeping today's theaters, but rather, those retro lumbering goofball zombies that even great grandmothers can out run!

The Yankee Apocalypse has arrived.