Tex is hurting; it sure is a good thing we didn't sign Kendrys Morales

Minnesota is on fire, offensively. The Twinkies scored nine yesterday, seven on Friday. Can you imagine a team scoring 16 runs in two days? Wow. What a concept! In the middle of the Twins order is their newly signed, switch-hitting DH, Kendrys Morales. He is 8 for 21. If you're scoring at home, that's .381 - yes, the kind of monster number associated with Yangervis Solarte in March.

As everybody knows, the Evil Empathy last week passed on signing Morales, because - for a few brief seconds - our regular hospital outpatients, Mark Teixeira and Carlos Beltran, seemed healthy. For the blink of an eye, we had no need for a 1B/DH - not with Kelly Johnson on this team!

Last night, we were back to stems and seeds. The earnest Kelly held third, and our five-year catcher, Brian McCann, patrolled first - I think his third game there ever. Tex was scratched due to a barking shoulder. The official line is that he's "day to day." Uh-huh. The last time anybody believed the Yankees "official line" about a player injury, Wally Pipp was nursing an ingrown toenail.

Hal Steinbrenner loves to say the Yankees will spend "whatever it takes" to win. I bet he yells it during drug deliriums. Unfortunately, it is not true. By letting Morales go, any Yankee moves will mean giving up prospects for yet another awful contract. There's talk about the Yankees chasing the Padres' Chase Headley, who is hitting about .200 with six home runs. Great. Another former star, obtained by raiding our meager larder. Wow. I can't wait for August, just imagining that lineup.

Hal Steinbrenner must be dropping acid. That would explain it. One day, he says the Yankees' goal is to cut payroll to $189 million. So he blows up the 2013 season, refusing multi-year contracts. We pass on Russell Martin - and then Hal changes his mind: He signs Ichiro. Last winter, with the Yankees in sight of the $189 million goal, Hal changes his mind again: he goes on a binge with ridiculous long-term contracts. Now, with the team in desperate need of a hitter - and perilously close to .500 mediocrity - Hal changes his mind - again. He replays the frugality card. The man must be tripping his brains out. Right now, if Hal is reading this, the computer screen is turning into a fire demon. He's going to run screaming in his bathrobe and leap into the swimming pool.

We won four games on the West Coast, which only night owls and sleepless zombies could watch. But if we lose Teixeira for any long stretch - well - I hate to imagine September. It's enough to make me  run screaming in my bathrobe and leap into the swimming pool. Trouble is, I don't have a swimming pool.