Monday, September 1, 2014

What? Jeter's coming, and we're supposed to give him something? Quick, what do we have in the freebies account? An all-expenses-paid trip to Banff, a helicopter tour of the Canadian Rockies, a cooking lesson and a golf tutorial.

That's what the Blue Jays gave Derek yesterday, along with a brtual, soul-crushing, beat-down ending to the 2014 post-season race.

A trip to Alberta, a helicopter ride, cooking lessons and a round of golf.

Which way do they say history moves? Does tragedy descend into farce? Or does farce roll into tragedy? In this case, I'd say the Yankees have achieved equal parts of both. (A perfect .500 team, eh?) The Blue Jays bestowed upon Jeter a coupon book of freebies, like one of those grand prizes on The Newlywed Game, chosen specially for the happy black couple: ("That's right Theotis and Urbi, you're going to Ferguson!") Will Jeter receive a special letter from the Jays, to be presented at the heliport? Maybe it will include a Best Buy Bonus Shopper Card, which features discounts on various goods. Of course, this begs another question, a secret question: Do players of Derek Jeter's stature ever pay for anything, anyway?

Right now, I'm wishing the Blue Jays were still the domineering mother ship for the Syracuse Chiefs, formerly the SkyChiefs, who play at "Your Name Here" Stadium. If so, Jeter might have received a free weekend at the Destiny USA supermall (soon to have the Disney Store - again), or maybe season tickets to the Syracuse University varsity football team, which stunned the country this weekend by beating Villanova in double-overtime. (The "stun" came in the form of the country realizing that Villanova has a football program.) Why does Banff get the free publicity? What about the Tug Hill Plateau?

I'm still recovering from yesterday's loss. It was raining in Central New York, nothing to do but crack beers and potato the couch. Even when we led by three, you knew they'd blow it. After you live with someone for 130 games, you learn the truth about them. And the truth about the 2014 Yankees is that they were always a farewell tour for Derek Jeter, and we thought it could never end soon enough - but now - jeez - it is almost over, and opposing teams are emptying out their attics to send him packing. 

Let the record show the season didn't end in New York, Baltimore or even Toronto. It ended in Banff. What time is the Giants game next Sunday?


Alphonso said...

The Giants play on Monday night. But don't look to them for hope.

The Giants did one smart thing when they signed Quarles out of South Carolina.

Then, they did a dumb thing. Thinking they could sneak this " steal "of the FA draft onto their practice squad.

Now, he is a Patriot. Where he will be an all pro for 10 years.

We have 31 year old Markus Kuhn, instead.

I feel like we went with George Rogers instead of Lawrence Taylor.

What assholes.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Yes, I agree with Alphonso, I'm not looking to the Giants to pull me out of my funk, so far, they are looking veeeeeery 2013, urrgg!

I wonder if Jeter's 'gifts' have an expiration date attached like J Crew gift cards, if he doesn't fly to Banff in a year, it's canceled? I say donate the Banff tics to John and Suzyn in October, they REALLY need a vacation from this team, and, it will be the end of the season!

John M said...

Cripes, no Tim Horton donuts? I thought the Jays had some class.

Local Bargain Jerk said...

It might be time to change the name of this blog to "It is high! It is far! It is ... Coughlin."

There sure is nothing else to talk about concerning the games played in the place that's across the street from where baseball's One True Cathedral used to be.

And that includes talking about the Captain's final game.

I'm Bill White said...

The news today about the team wearing a commemorative Derek Jeter patch from September 7th onward is hard to process.

Juju is dead.

I am hopeful that there is a 3,000 word post in the works to explain why we should still be fans in this shameless era of excess. I can't write it.