Monday, September 1, 2014
What? Jeter's coming, and we're supposed to give him something? Quick, what do we have in the freebies account? An all-expenses-paid trip to Banff, a helicopter tour of the Canadian Rockies, a cooking lesson and a golf tutorial.
Posted by el duque at 8:33 AM
A trip to Alberta, a helicopter ride, cooking lessons and a round of golf.
Which way do they say history moves? Does tragedy descend into farce? Or does farce roll into tragedy? In this case, I'd say the Yankees have achieved equal parts of both. (A perfect .500 team, eh?) The Blue Jays bestowed upon Jeter a coupon book of freebies, like one of those grand prizes on The Newlywed Game, chosen specially for the happy black couple: ("That's right Theotis and Urbi, you're going to Ferguson!") Will Jeter receive a special letter from the Jays, to be presented at the heliport? Maybe it will include a Best Buy Bonus Shopper Card, which features discounts on various goods. Of course, this begs another question, a secret question: Do players of Derek Jeter's stature ever pay for anything, anyway?
Right now, I'm wishing the Blue Jays were still the domineering mother ship for the Syracuse Chiefs, formerly the SkyChiefs, who play at "Your Name Here" Stadium. If so, Jeter might have received a free weekend at the Destiny USA supermall (soon to have the Disney Store - again), or maybe season tickets to the Syracuse University varsity football team, which stunned the country this weekend by beating Villanova in double-overtime. (The "stun" came in the form of the country realizing that Villanova has a football program.) Why does Banff get the free publicity? What about the Tug Hill Plateau?
I'm still recovering from yesterday's loss. It was raining in Central New York, nothing to do but crack beers and potato the couch. Even when we led by three, you knew they'd blow it. After you live with someone for 130 games, you learn the truth about them. And the truth about the 2014 Yankees is that they were always a farewell tour for Derek Jeter, and we thought it could never end soon enough - but now - jeez - it is almost over, and opposing teams are emptying out their attics to send him packing.
Let the record show the season didn't end in New York, Baltimore or even Toronto. It ended in Banff. What time is the Giants game next Sunday?