Thursday, June 9, 2016

Detecting a trend: When a Yankee "star" gets hurt, the team starts winning

Of course, this might have to do with the quality of the opposition: If the Yankees played the 2016 Los Angeles California Angels of Anaheim 162 times, we would resemble the fabled 2016 Cubs, (recently anointed as "greatest team ever.") But as a modern day Warner Wolf might say, "Let's go to the game logs!"

A-Rod went out May 3 with the tweaked nut-sack; he returned May 26. You can look this up: The Golden Retrievals went 14-9 over that stretch. Yep, the godforsaken Yankees played 5 games over .500 without A-Rod serving DP fungos for infield practice. Without A-Rod waddling to first - (the A-Waddle?) - we played like a home advantage Wild Card team.

Tex's restless leg syndrome occurred June 2, and he went on the DL the next day. Since then: 4-2. Another Wild Card-worthy streak.

Should we be surprised? I don't think so. When you ditch two heart-of-the-order hitters - neither of whom is hitting Peter Dinklage's weight - you improve the team. I'm not saying the ill-fated 2016 Yanks could win a seniors canasta tournament without A-Rod and Tex returning to form, but the worst part of rooting for this franchise is being tethered to the drip-drip-drip decline of former stars, now reaching their twilight zones. They don't hit, they can't be benched without an act of Congress, and as soon as they go on a mini-streak - as both A-Rod and Tex did - they pop something and head to the Jacuzzi.

Meanwhile, John last night fell in love with Chris Parmelee, but not so much from the homers - "PARM DOES HARM!" is a meh call - but from his first Yankee hit. Parmelee stuck out his bat and tapped an opposite-field double down the left field line. It was the against-the-grain hitting that John and Suzyn have seethed about all spring, because the sluggers either cannot or will not do it. "I like that!" John thundered, as Parmelee stood on second. "AYEEEEEEE LIKE THAT!"

Of course, Tex will return in two weeks. By then Parmelee's scouting reports likely will have caught up with him. Wouldn't it be nice to get a Steve Pearce or a Carlos Pena - a late-bloomer who suddenly transforms your lineup? Trouble is, Tex is Tex. The Yankees won't bring him back to ride the bench. By then, we could be over .500 - (thanks in advance, Colorado and Minnesota). What will we have to do? Root for the next vet to fall?

Way too complicated. Let's just keep playing California, OK?

1 comment:

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...

I have not read every post. I don't come here every day -- altho this beats reading about Hillary or Donald. Or our 7 wars.

However, I really like "The Golden Retrievals" -- it's much better than "The Retrieval Empire." It could be your best.

Comparing the Yankees in 2016 to a nice, affectionate dog makes me think nice things. Sure, the dog might poop on the rug, or shed a lot of hair -- but you still love the dog, doncha?

The "Empire" thing leads to thoughts of Darth Vader . . . and, ultimately, because this team sucks and blows . . . to "Dark Helmet" (from Spaceballs).

It's a short journey from there to seeing Cashman in that role (instead of Rick Moranis) . . . shouting out to Girardi -- "We're going to have to go right to . . . Ludicrous Speed!!!"