Thursday, June 16, 2016

Elevator going down: The Yankees are the 10th worst team in baseball

A few days ago, Joel Sherman in the Daily Dump opined that 11 upcoming games against the horrible Rockies and Twins posed a "mirage" for Joe's Jinxed Jihad. He figured the Brothers of Boredom would go on a winning rampage, climb above .500 and launch their pursuit of the mythic Wild Card Away Game Birth. Thus, at the trade deadline, they would be buyers, rather than sellers.

So much for that... let's hope, anyway.

It's hard to maintain a decent hallucination when your cleanup hitter is Chase Headley. (FUN FACT: Headley's next RBI will be his milestone 15th on the season!) But help is on the way. Its name: the Twinkies. We now face, hands down, the worst team in the AL - which by no coincidence is seasoned with ex-Yanks. Eduardo Nunez - "Nuni" - is having an all-star year. Phil Hughes is Phil Hughes is Phil Hughes is Phil Hughes. John Ryan Murphy is in Triple A somewhere, but at least it's not Scranton. After that, the Twins are a pile of Rickie Molaskos and Brandon Kitzners, which is like a pile of Chad Greens and Nick Goodys, but harder to spell. We play them seven times in the next week. Yep, everybody, the World Series came early!

By losing four straight, Hal's Hookworms of Hopelessness have nearly negated last week's 5-game win streak - which seems like a year ago. Cashman's Castrations have compiled the 10th worst record in baseball. If they keep it up, next winter the Pinstripe Pinatas can sign free agents willy nilly, without forfeiting their chances to draft the next Cito Culver. Trouble is, the 2017 free agent class looks like a bunch of Rickie Molaskos and Brandon Kitzners, and it would require Hubris Hal to open his personal penny purse. The Franchise of Fruitlessness will still be trying to cut payroll. We won't get good by just being bad.

Nope. The big question now is whether Bridesmaid Brian has the guts to tell the Li'l Boss the truth: The Yanks of Yawn are dead in the water, and one measly trade won't be enough. If the Yankees are going to sell, it can't just be Aroldis Chapman. We need a Red Wedding. If we're rebuilding for - say 2019 - there is no point in keeping the likes of CC, Beltran, Miller, Ellsbury, Gardner or even McCann. (Gary Sanchez and Aaron Judge need to play.) I would happily add Chase Headley, but I'm not sure what you get for a 32-year-old "slugger" with two and a half years left on his contract at $13 million per season, who is still working on his 15th RBI. (A-Rod would stay, of course, because his HR-chase would be the only reason people come to the park in September.)

To make any meaningful investment in the future, and to actually rebuild Team Tedium, the Yankees must go all in... or continue to flounder.

Frankly, the "mirage' is over. It was the last three years.


John M said...

Hal's Hookworms of Hopelessness ... Cashman's Castrations ... Pinstripe Pinatas ... Franchise of Fruitlessness ...

Is it permissible to LOL? I mean, I'm not a huge fan of that kind of texting b.s., but really, in this case...

Anonymous said...


1. an optical phenomenon by which the image of some object appears displaced above, below, or to one side of its true position as a result of spatial variations of the index of refraction of air. 2. something illusory, without substance or reality.

joe de pastry said...

Anybody who goes to the Stadium {NO PRINT AT HOME TICKETS ALLOWED!] in September to see Rodriguez try to hit "milestone" home runs is as dumb as a Trump voter.