Tuesday, June 7, 2016
Posted by el duque at 7:47 AM
Question: How do you think Suzyn reacted? Well, she seconded it! wholeheartedly! She called the dearth of three-run homers one of the factors that has hurt the 2016 Yankees. From there, John deftly segued into Suzyn's Scoreboard Report, even using an English accent - (didn't call her m'lady, though) - but she read from the wrong in-game sponsor card, causing a merry moment while she leafed through her files to produce the right 20-second shill-blather, and they both laughed festively and, OK, everybody: Tell me they are not hammered.
I think they were playing a drinking game, and every time someone said, "three-run homer," they both did a shot.
By the seventh, I had switched to YES, because nothing was happening - ground ball, ground ball, ground ball - causing Paul O'Neill, the Jean Paul Sartre of YES, to drift into an existential tangent. Most of it washed over me - I was also watching the Sharks-Penguins game on my iPad - but at one point, O'Neill made some Gigi Hadad-worthy observation about reality, causing Michael Kay to label it a "deep thought." The YESsirs laughed uproariously - (anyone doubt O'Neill's calls to Trump don't go directly to the candidate?) - and soon after, Beltran hit the three-run blast John foreshadowed, and I kicked myself for not listening to the radio network Driven by Cheap. I'm sure John and Suzyn were singing "99 Bottles of Beer," between promos for Black Bear Meats and Franks.
Listen: Barring a string of miracles well beyond our souls' karmic worth, the 2016 Yankees will not bring us a World Series ring. The vast amount of felony-grade juju it would take to lift this team would strip us bare of luck for 20 years. Still, I can't not watch. I can't not root. I can't not care. Last night brought a great Yankee victory, hearkening to times when you expected a late-game comeback - (a feeling that disappeared about three years ago.) I don't even care if it was beating lowly California. Watching Chris Parmelee - the career minor-leaguer who is now our lone true 1B - make back-to-back defensive gems to end the game - that was cause for a toast.
Somehow, we must find a way to enjoy this season that doesn't hinge on winning games, because we don't play enough against the Angels.
Also, let's John and Suzyn are drinking heavily, and that O'Neill has a good source for whatever he's doing. They say micro-doses are the new way. But I say, this is no time for micro-doses. Whatever he's taking, I want some. "Three-run homer?" I'll drink to that.