Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Last night, John & Suzyn sounded drunk, and Paul O'Neill was obviously dropping acid

Early on last night, John unearthed an amazing factoid: The Yankees hadn't hit a three-run homer since April. The Master then testified to the importance of three-run homers for winning teams. I was not hallucinating. The Legendary Radio Voice of the New York Yankees actually stated - categorically - that successful teams need three-run homers, and the Yankees hadn't delivered one since April.

Question: How do you think Suzyn reacted? Well, she seconded it! wholeheartedly! She called the dearth of three-run homers one of the factors that has hurt the 2016 Yankees. From there, John deftly segued into Suzyn's Scoreboard Report, even using an English accent - (didn't call her m'lady, though) - but she read from the wrong in-game sponsor card, causing a merry moment while she leafed through her files to produce the right 20-second shill-blather, and they both laughed festively and, OK, everybody: Tell me they are not hammered.

I think they were playing a drinking game, and every time someone said, "three-run homer," they both did a shot.

By the seventh, I had switched to YES, because nothing was happening - ground ball, ground ball, ground ball - causing Paul O'Neill, the Jean Paul Sartre of YES, to drift into an existential tangent. Most of it washed over me - I was also watching the Sharks-Penguins game on my iPad - but at one point, O'Neill made some Gigi Hadad-worthy observation about reality, causing Michael Kay to label it a "deep thought." The YESsirs laughed uproariously - (anyone doubt O'Neill's calls to Trump don't go directly to the candidate?) - and soon after, Beltran hit the three-run blast John foreshadowed, and I kicked myself for not listening to the radio network Driven by Cheap. I'm sure John and Suzyn were singing "99 Bottles of Beer," between promos for Black Bear Meats and Franks.

Listen: Barring a string of miracles well beyond our souls' karmic worth, the 2016 Yankees will not bring us a World Series ring. The vast amount of felony-grade juju it would take to lift this team would strip us bare of luck for 20 years. Still, I can't not watch. I can't not root. I can't not care. Last night brought a great Yankee victory, hearkening to times when you expected a late-game comeback - (a feeling that disappeared about three years ago.) I don't even care if it was beating lowly California. Watching Chris Parmelee - the career minor-leaguer who is now our lone true 1B - make back-to-back defensive gems to end the game - that was cause for a toast.

Somehow, we must find a way to enjoy this season that doesn't hinge on winning games, because we don't play enough against the Angels.

Also, let's John and Suzyn are drinking heavily, and that O'Neill has a good source for whatever he's doing. They say micro-doses are the new way. But I say, this is no time for micro-doses. Whatever he's taking, I want some. "Three-run homer?" I'll drink to that.

4 comments:

John M said...

You don't want what Paulie is taking, because it's called "stupid."

I heard John and Suzie talking about the 3-run HR last night. What got me was the fact that the Yankees hadn't hit a tri-plater since April 7th. As John astutely noted, that was the first week of the season. O.M.G. That's pathetic.

And after Beltran's Ballantine Blast, Michael Kay had the same factoid on YES, no doubt having picked it up from monitoring the master's broadcast earlier.

With that win, I'm starting to wonder if this team just consistently stays in the three to four games under .500 area, which will put real distance between them and 1966. But with over 100 games to go, we'll see. And meanwhile, live for the unlikely comebacks and Parmalee catches.



Alphonso said...

A little noticed fact about the fine defensive plays for Parmalee:

They came because the Yankees pinch hit for Refsnyder. Hicks hit for him and weakly grounded out ( hardly worth it, right?).

So if the Yankees use a guy hitting .143 against righties ( or lefties ) to bat for the guy they want in the line-up for his bat, what does it say?

It says they think Refsnyder not only cannot play a position reliably,but also he can't really hit.

But he can.

Into double plays.

HIs ticket to Scranton is only a game away.

Tom said...

Agreed. Can't help enjoying a night like last night, even if the most prudent path to future improvement is to stink now so that Cashman can't avoid stumbling on a good player or two in the draft.

Tanaka's a tough guy on the mound, Beltran is whacking that thing, and The Win Warble was full throated and lusty.

But I must take exception to the removal of Refsnyder for Hicks, who has shown that he can't hit a lick. Yes, Parmelee's plays were excellent and that was a smart defensive switch, but Joey Binders needs that broomstick surgically removed from his posterior so that he doesn't feel compelled to make changes that make little to no sense just so that he can feel good about collecting his check.

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

Why has there been no mention of John and suzyns induction into the New York broadcasters Hall of Fame? I mean it's mentioned in between almost every inning in these weird sort of tie In commercials, but nothing here? Is this or is this not a shrine to John Sterling ?