Saturday, June 4, 2016

Yankees look to get back on track tonight with big game in Baltim- somebody, please, shoot me

Boy, the EVIL EMPIRE is looking for REVENGE after last night's TOUGH LOSS in Showalter Town! The boys hope to get BACK ON TRACK with a BIG WIN, hopefully with Mark Teixeira and their big Big Three and their veteran lineup. Yep. Tonight. In Baltimore. Big BIG game.

Fuck me.

Sorry. I can't do this. I just can't watch. It's Groundhog Year.

Every morning, I get up, write a hate screed about Hal Steinbrenner, the Great Satan, and then begin another nightly mating dance with the Crypt-keeper to Hell. Well, I'm baked. There is no more bile to spew. My stomach is out of battery acid. I can't choke another keyboard.

The Yankees entered 2016 as an old, doddering fourth place team with a barely middling farm system and a brown nosed front office, and from there, everything has gone downhill. If there is a God, they will come in last - below the teams that have already ditched this season in pursuit of the 2017 first pick - which is the new MLB Parity Success Plan: To win, just be terrible, draft high and trade for youth. You don't have to be smart. You don't have to spend money. Just be awful. Be terrible.

Any idiot can do it. Look at the Royals, Astros, Mets, Nats, whatever - even the Redsocks. Just suck more than everyone else. But the Yankees won't. Nope. Hal Steinbrenner's delusional view goes that the Pinstriped Patriots should always gallantly chase the last open Wild Card slot, the ticket to nowhere, that even teams cuddling with .500 can dream about through late August.  So here we go again... chasing shadows, and soon we will surely welcome home a first-baseman from 2009, now 36 with barbed wire knees, having been jettisoned by Cleveland and Atlanta, and we will all pretend there is hope.

Does anybody really think the 2016 Yankees is a team worth following?

I can't watch. I'm sorry. I can't listen to David Cone talk up the "youngsters" (Richard Blier) who are 29. I can't hack Paul O'Neill's faked homespun lunacy, and Michael Kay reacting as if the Trump supporting dolt is some national treasure of verbal spontaneity. It's hard to take John and Suzyn, who are calling games in a depressing daze. I think they're drinking heavily. Joe Girardi can't face reporters without getting angry. Nobody - NOBODY - can stomach this team. Nobody can talk about it without falling into a funk.

You know, I do look back on the old Yankee barf years with a certain pink charm. When I think of Horace Clarke, I wince... but I also smile. If they brought the Hoss out for Old Timers Day, I would cheer him with all my might. Same with the Danny Tartabull era of the late 1980s. But there is a difference between then and now. Back then, it was Old George's insane incompetence on display; nobody ever questioned his obsessions with winning. Now, I see Hal fingering the new stadium tax breaks, blaming the luxury taxes and pocketing the money. He's much more concerned with milking the Yankee tradition rather than extending it.

Tough loss last night. I hear the Yankees are looking to rebound, or something. Does it matter?

5 comments:

Alphonso said...

Nope.

M. Maltz said...

Have you guys considered Psycho-Cybernetics?

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...

I think if they paroled A-Roid, Tex, Beltran, Sabathia, Chase, and Brian -- it's hard to believe they could trade 'em, but if they could, fine -- just shed this ballast --

THEN - I could follow the team more closely. Yes, with a bunch of young guys screwing up in the field, on the bases, and at the plate. And the mound.

Yes, I know the young guys (the sorta-young guys) in the minors suck.

SO DO THE GUYS IN THE MAJORS.

Instead, they're going to trade Ref + one or two of the bullpen threesome. And come up with a 34-year-old guy who hit .275 -- once upon a time -- and almost certainly will be injured inside of 15 games.

And (of course, if they continue on this path) -- NEXT YEAR is going to suck too.

The obvious thing for the Yankees to do -- as this blog has indicated so clearly, without my help -- is to get Cashman to go down yet another tall building . . . and then simply cut the ropes three seconds after he starts rapelling.

At this point, I am coming to hate him and the Steinbrenners more than I hate the Hillary-and-Donnie double-team. And that goes a fer piece.....

[what about Bernie? Well, at the very least he sounds somewhat like I do when he talks. And his hairstyle resembles mine - ]

Anonymous said...

SO FAR THE MOST RATIONAL COMMENT I HAVE READ HERE IS TO SEND CASHMAN TO MOGADISHU. OTHER THAN THAT IS TO RNROL HIM AS A MEMBER OF ISIS IN CHARGE OF COOKING BACON.. I REALLY HATE CASHMAN FOR DESTROYING THE YANKEES...

joe de pastry said...

I recommend Penguins-Sharks Game 3 at 8 on NBCSN.
Or any Greta Gerwig or Parker Posey movie on Netflix.