Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Kirby Yates installs himself in Yankee history, and Aaron Judge conquers Syracuse

Today, as more reports come in on last night's carnage, we are hereby adding a new name to the IT IS HIGH TERROR WATCH LIST - (Andy Hawkins, Ed Whitson, Edwar Ramirez, Kai Igawa, Reuben Rivera, Jayson Nix, et al...) The name: Kirby Yates, who seemed to bean the entire state of Texas en route to a mythic, out-of-body, for-the-ages Yankee defeat - a calamity on the level of floods, volcanoes, Kardashian weddings and the lone HBO season of "Vinyl."

For the rest of our days on this godforsaken planet, whenever you meet a fellow Yankee fan, you will achieve a state of shared misery by whispering the name "Kirby Yates." Ten years from now, I predict that he will jog out of the dugout on Old Timers' Day, and we will spit creamed corn onto our recreation lounge bingo cards. By then, we will claim to have been watching last night's game, which will be a lie, because we were passed out on the crapper.

I believe that last night's incredible loss will signify the lost decade - the 2011-2020 Bronx Barf, the first decade in which the mighty Yankees won nothing... waist deep in the big muddy, yet the big fool said to press on.  

Who knows, maybe Kirby Yates will become the safe word - the trauma that causes a new Yankee policy - transforming us from buyers to sellers at the 2016 trade deadline. Right now, it is hard to say. It's just a numbing pain, just one more measly loss that plunges us back below .500, where - truth be told - we probably belong.

Still... Kirby Yates! It goes on our list. Screw the NRA; this man should not be allowed to buy a gun. He's there beside Yoan Moncada... YOOOOOOOOOOAN MONCADA... SLOOOOOOWLY I TURN... STEP BY STEP...

Kirby. Frickin. Yates.

I can't quit without noting that I witnessed the Traveling Wilkes Barries last night in Sorrycuse, and I am awaiting stool sample analyses. Meanwhile, four Scrantonians caught my eye.
Judge wears ridiculous 99 number.

1. Aaron Judge. Goliath stroked a HR down the left field line that went out so fast that it undermines my theory that home runs are psychologically cherished by fans because their duration lasts exactly as long as the male orgasm. This one didn't. It just went Ralph Cramden - BANG, ZOOM, to the moon, Alice. I don't know how many HRs Judge will hit, but some will bring down passing jets. He will also take called third strikes with the bases loaded, which he also did last night. They are throwing him junk. He now leads the International League in HRs. Judge is coming, folks. We can't keep him there forever, can we? Gulp?

2. Donovan Solano. He's a 28-year-old ex-Marlin, plays 3B - a non-prospect. But he hits the ball all over - two gappers for doubles - and fields well. If Chase Headley gets hurt, rather than reset the infield, Solano could be worth a coin flip. Frankly, I'm not sure he wouldn't replace Headley's production, though I hear we're supposed to forget the first two months and concentrate only on what Chase did in June, right? Isn't that the new Yankee reality?

3. Chad Green, starting pitcher. We were talking yesterday about the last time the Yankees traded for a prospect who actually turned out to be worth something. Well, fuck me! Maybe this is the guy! He pitched six shutout innings, three hits, and his ERA is among the league leaders. He's no Luis Severino, in terms of potential. But he could be the next David Phelps. Last night, he was pounding the strike zone and had Syracuse under his spell, and they do have Matt den Dekker!

4. Nick Swisher. Yeesh. He runs like Danny Devito as the Penguin. He's still animated in the field, still Swishalicious, and he can turn on a fastball. He made the plays at first, but didn't look smooth and got picked off second with a brain freeze. Jeez, I dunno about this. He seems so happy, almost joyous out there, clearly doing what he loves. I hope Swish gets called up for a final Yankee hurrah. But make no mistake: That's what it'll be. He's not coming up to save us. He'll just give us a final smile. And we can use one. Kirby Yates!


KD said...

One more Swisher Salute. I can dig that.

bigtruck said...

I'm sorry to say but I think the Yankees are toast this season. That being the case...why don't the Steinbrenners make some strong moves to perhaps make their team more interesting to fans (and more profitable)? I'd like to see several moves...sit ARod permanently, bring up Judge to play right field full time, make Beltran the full time DH with spells by Texiera, sit Gardner and Ellsbury alternately against lefties and play Refsnyder in their place and he can also spell Tex at 1st base, send Evoldi to SWB and bring up Severino. Maybe Evoldi can relearn his art and perhaps Severino is ready. He couldn't be worse than Evoldi is right now.

Tom said...

The Shakespearean tragedy that is A-Rod's career is winding down. He's got about a season and a half left on his contract, and he seems to have lost lost his ability to hit just about anything except big fat meatballs delivered by left handed soup cans. The poor guy -- how can I say he's a poor guy when he could buy my estate with what should be his tip money except I'll bet he's not a terribly generous tipper? These guys should take lessons in largesse from the Babe Ruth story -- is going to leave the game entirely unloved by baseball and its fans. The Ryan Dempsters of the world -- ASSHOLE! -- have won, and The Big Needy One will forever be shunned.

It will be interesting to see how the Yankees, who created this mess with the second ridiculous contract, handle this thing. Who knows if we win in 2009 without A-Rod, but then again, based on what we've learned since then, it seems likely to me that he was on the high side of a juicing cycle during that playoff run. So, will the Yankees bite the $30m bullet and send him home or will he be too embarrassed to continue. A-Rod's pathological need for approval does not seem to have subsided much. He will want to be a coach or a manager or something involved with baseball. But his sad story, especially the lawsuits, will never be forgiven, and he will return for a few Old Timers Days but no Reggie Jackson-style appointment as a permanent mascot.

But I suspect A-Rod is destined to spend a lot of long days alone in his penthouse or beach house or wherever he hangs his hat. I suppose when you have his kind of wealth you can afford to ship in friends and family who are happy to enjoy the luxury accommodations. But he will always pine for a leadership role in baseball, and it will always be out of his reach unless he can afford to buy it.

It's so interesting to look at ethereal talents like A-Rod, Jeter, Barry Bonds, Griffey Jr. or LeBron. How difficult it is to stay on track and not go crazy under the microscope. A-Rod never figured it out. Always a note or two off key. But in the Yankees, he found just the right management group and media market to create the perfect storm for his career. What a waste.

One thing I know A-Rod is smart enough to do -- insist the Yankees pay him every last red cent they owe him. Like New York baseball fans, he knows Randy Levine is a major asshole.

el duque said...

Great comments lately. You guys are bringing it.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

I agree El Duque, top notch comments, especially over the last few (miserable) days,,, my only consolation this season has been reading this blog, thanks Gang!

Anonymous said...


Local Bargain Jerk said...

How difficult it is to stay on track and not go crazy under the microscope. A-Rod never figured it out. Always a note or two off key.

Hat's off, Tom. That's a nice, insightful observation.

Anonymous said...

John Cashman was a good horseman, who understood his business, Unfortunately, his boy, Brian Cashman, is a spoiled incompetent brat, who has no idea about his business,

joe de pastry said...

Give Kirby a break. It was 230 am and he was in a high pressure spot for the first time in his career. I blame Nova for this loss. I used to have high hopes for him and even higher hopes for Eovaldi. Who said we won't get fooled again?