FIFTY THOUSAND MOONS

Monday, June 27, 2016

The jeers of a clown

The Trump-supporting, fan-loathing, fart-mouthed human hair-weave known as Randy Lewis Levine worked up a bucket of spit today, thinking about how much he hates his life. The President of the Yankees - God, I hate writing those words - appeared on the radio and was asked a legitimate question: Would the team be buyers or sellers at next month's trade deadline?

"I don't pay any attention to any of that. That's for you guys [with] nothing more important to write about that to write nonsense. When we decide to become sellers, if we decide to become sellers or if we decide to become buyers, you'll know. The difference is that most of you guys have never run anything and we have a lot of history here of knowing what we're doing. [We have] a lot of confidence in our baseball operations people. So, we'll see what happens. All the rest is just noise."

OK, breathe. Count to ten. This guy needs a Calgon Bath Oil moment. But let's study this, bit by bit.

"... you guys with nothing more important to write about..."

For starters, I, too, wish the abused altar boys of the NY media had something - anything - more important to write about than the 2016 Yankees, the most boring assembly of humanity since Utah filed for statehood. This franchise somehow manages to combine the unhinged hubris of Trump and the deadpan tedium of Hillary, and watching this team's mating dance with mediocrity is like staring directly into Randy Levine's dark soul. Here he goes, baiting a reporter who is simply doing his job. How I wish they all would do Levine a favor and simply start writing about football.

"... if we decide to become sellers..."
Let's face it: No matter how bad the Yankees are, the brass won't sell off its livestock. It's not a question about strategy or long term plans. Nope, selling old players would require the bosses to accept what they've done - squandered $200 million on a team that has lost the AL to Boston and NYC to the Mets. They won't mount a plan for next year. They'll just continue on, like Bernie Sanders, seeing that path to the World Series...

"... most of you guys have never run anything..."

Spoken like a true Giuliani bag man. Here's a guy who suckled for three years on the public nipple as Rudy Giuliani's "Deputy Mayor for Economic Development, Planning and Administration," a political oil can who greased bigwigs to get breaks for certain constituents. One day he quits the administration, and the very next day, he joins the Yankees, who soon get a billion dollar stadium from the taxpayers. In journalism, when somebody quits a job to go work for the guy they were writing about, all they really did was blow their cover. So here's Levine - one day working for "the people" and next day, cashing out with the Yankees - and he tells fans and reporters that they are the assholes. Unbelievable. John Oliver needs to do a sequel.  

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

OK GUYS....SORRY, COVER YOUR EARS, OR JUST SKIP MY POST (RANT), CAUSE I'M GONNA CURSE NOW, AND A LOT........... OK?....OK, HERE WE GO..... THAT MOTHERFUCKING SCUMBAG RANDY LEVINE, JUST MADE ME SO MAD, MY BLOOD PRESSURE HAS JUST SPIKED!.... IS HE KIDDING ME??? .... HOW COULD HE?..... WHAT THE FUCK?..... I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START!!!.... THE BULLSHIT THAT JUST SNARKILY CAME OUT OF HIS MOUTH, IS FUCKING SCARY, BECAUSE THAT SHIT HE JUST SPEWED IS ARCHAIC SHIT....... THERE IS THE PROOF IN THE PUDDING THAT WE ARE FUCKED NOW, WITH ARCHAIC, ASSHOLE-ISH, TALK LIKE THAT!!!..... I WANNA RIP HIS HAIR OUT OF HIS HEAD....... THE FUCKING OVERRATED METS HAVE TAKEN OVER! THE FUCKING DICK SOX HAVE TAKEN OVER! THE FUCKING ORIOLES ARE TAKING OVER! YEAH, OUR BASEBALL PEOPLE ARE THE BEST.....SURE, IF YOU SAY SO, RANDY, IT MUST BE TRUE!..... SCUMBAG!...... I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW, I HAVE GOT TO WALK AWAY FROM THE LAPTOP AND GO FOR A WALK....... JUST IGNORE ME GUYS...(KINDA LIKE RANDY IS DOING TO ALL OF US).......

Anonymous said...

........I'M BACK....THE WALK SUCKED....... I JUST READ CASHMAN'S GENIUS QUOTE THAT SAYS, "I'M TIRED OF TREADING WATER, I WANT TO KNOW IF WE ARE CONTENDERS OR PRETENDERS." ...... THIS QUOTE MAY HAVE MADE ME MORE ANGRY THAN THE RANDY LEVINE QUOTES!!!!! ......... IS CASHMAN OUT OF HIS MIND???.....CONTENDERS???.... SCORING 1 RUN A NIGHT IS ALMOST LIKE PULLING TEETH!...WE JUST GOT MANHANDLED BY A NO NAME PITCHER ON THE TWINS!.... THIS GOES ON ALL THE TIME!..WE GET MANHANDLED BY NO NAME PITCHERS ALL THE TIME!!!! WE CAN'T HIT!...WE CAN'T SCORE!.... CONTENDERS??????...IF HE CAN'T TELL BY NOW THAT WE ARE NOT CONTENDERS, THEN WE GOTTA SEND SOMEONE TO CHOKE HIM OUT...... I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M HEARING TODAY!

Anonymous said...

Contenders? CONTENDERS??? Hee-hee yuk yuk-yuk-yuk-yuk-yuk-yuk! Har-har har, ha ha harr harr harr harr harr harrrrr! Whee-ha-ha-ha h’ h’ h’ h’ h’hee oh-ho-hoh he he he he he he he he he he he! Ya-hah-ha-ha-ha. Ya ha ha ha ha. Yah ha ha ha ha! Hih-hih-hih, hih-hih-hih, oh ho ho ho ho ho, yee-hoo hoo hoo ha ho ho ho ho, un-heh, un-heh, ha ha ha HA HA HA heh heh heh heh heh heh heh! Ya-hoo ha ha ha ha ha ha whoop! Ha ha ha ha hawee-ha hoo-ee! Ha ha ha uh-oh! Ho ho ho hee hee hee oh ho ho ho he he he ch’k ch’k. A-hah, a-hah a-HAH HAH HAHHH, a HAH-HAH-HAH HAH-HAH-HAHHHH HAHHHHH HAHHHHH HAHH-HHHHHHH HAHHHHHHHHHHH-HHHHHHHHHHHH, a-ha, HAHHHHH HAHHHHH HAH HA, ha-hah, a-hah, a-hah! P-p-p-p-pah! Ha ha HA HA HAA HAA-A-A-A-A-A HA HA HA HA HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE huh huh A-HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE a-hee a-hee a-hee a-hah HO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HEE HEE HEE HEE! A-hilk a-hilk a har har har hilk hilk hilk hilk hilk hilk hilk hilk. Hee hee heehee ya-hah-hah-hah ho ho whee-ha ho ho hee-yah hah hah WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO oh hohk, hack, hack, a, HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEEEE, oh-hohk HACK! HACK! A-HOO HOO HOO HOO HEEE HACK! HACK! A-ssshaw haw haw haw sheee haw haw haw. Ha-hah hah hah hah hee hee hee whhooooooeeeeeee hee hee hee hee hee hee oh olea-hee-hee-hee-hee-se hoo hoo hoo hee hee hee gimme a break hoo hoo hoo you’re killin’ me hee hee hee hee no stop please wha-he-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah HOOOOO HEEEEE HA HA HA HA HA HA HO HO HO HO HO HO HOO HO HO HO oh man too much! HEE HEE HEE HEE HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HA, a,hah a,hah a,hah, a,hah I’m dyin’ hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee! . . . hee hee hee . . . a-ha ha ha . . . . he . . . . . . . hoo . . . . . . . . ha ha . . . . . . . . . . . ha!

Alphonso said...

I feel exactly the same.

JACK AND COKE.

Rogerb said...

Equally as priceless was Bozo Hair Randy Panda Levine trying to string together a sentence when talking about the Great Partnership The Yankees were entering into with StubHub.This Great Partnership which was brought about by the failure of the Yankees own Ticket Exchange, an Exchange entered into to screw StubHub and the fans in an attempt to make more money for the greedy corporate hucksters that run the Yankees. The Yankees had to throw in a last "f**k you" to the fans by stipulating that the Yankee tickets could not be sold for less than half then the full ticket price charged season ticket holders. Which I don't get-- don't you think season ticket holders would be upset when they can't unload their overpriced tickets to anyone in August and September after the Yankees drop out of the Wild Card race? I share Anonymous's hysteria--- but it is a hysteria tempered by wonderment that Bozo Levine has his head so completely up his ass that he can't see what a wretched result the combination of Yankee mismanagement and greed has brought to this franchise. Which used to be the most successful in sports. Which I have rooted for since I was ten years old in 1964. Not even during the bleak times have I ever felt such despair over the prospects of the Yankees. I can't even enjoy the games the Yankees are winning because of the turdwhistlers on TV and the unceasing "positive spin" on every routine play by an infielder or every "good" at bat by a Yankee that results in a soft contact ground out but "got the pitch count up". And seriously, Randy Levine looks like Jonah Hill in drag.