Wednesday, October 3, 2018

"The time has come," the Walrus said, "to talk of many things; Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax-- Of cabbages--and kings-- And why the sea is boiling hot-- And whether pigs have wings."


And so here we are, gathered at the precipice, looking to the sea.

Listen: There is only one way to say this: 

Tonight is what we spent the last 11 months trying to avoid. We couldn't. Now, we shall learn if there are consequences.

Of all the sports that vacuum up our precious earthly time, baseball is the worst to be subjected to a one-game finale. Early on, in the days of Iron Man Joe McGinnity, maybe it made sense. But not today, when it takes a full season to sluice out the lost causes and find the gems. Sometimes, a seven-game series doesn't even do justice. To settle everything in one night? It just seems cruel.

But here we are.

Of all the stats and pre-game kibbutzing, the most frightening factoid I've seen is that Oakland has now lost seven winner-take-all playoff games in a row. Not since Reggie wore an A's uniform has the franchise won an all-or-nothing game.

Now, I realize that if you flip a coin seven times, and they all come up heads, on the next flip, the odds remain 50-50. What happens tonight is separate and far adrift from all previous Oakland defeats. That's the rational side of our brains talking. But here's the truth: The juju gods are not idiots. They have bosses. They have stockholders. They must rationalize their decisions to higher forums. And one of these days, maybe tonight, they will weigh the scale in Oakland's favor, just to remind us that we are ants on a log floating downstream, pretending to steer it, as it picks up speed. 

I thought of setting up an in-game chat room tonight, as we did last year. But I'd rather wait for the real post-season - if we get there. Also, I'm preparing for the NYC Comic Con this weekend, where Mustang and I will appear on a panel tomorrow evening. (AHOY Comics won't have a booth at the convention; the panel is our only presence.) 

I will post an in-game thread, perhaps every few innings, and I invite you all to weigh in. 

This is, of course, an International Juju Intervention - IJI - our version of the Presidential Emergency Text. Be in front of your authorized TV or electronic device. Be prepared to howl. If we win, anything can happen next week. If we win, we will have done something we failed to do over the last 11 months. We will have reached the post-season. 

56 comments:

Local Bargain Jerk said...


I'll go on record as saying I hope the Yankees win tonight.

thecontrarian said...

I don't think I've ever faced a game where I have so much hope combined with so little confidence. I hope Severino has a great game. I hope the offense comes alive in a big way. I hope the bullpen is shutdown lights out. I hope Boone makes smart, timely decisions. But in the last 2 months of the season the Yanks have not given me much confidence that they can do these things. Even in their last series in Boston, they did some things (like not nailing down the ninth inning) that, had Boston given a shit, would have produced losses.

I'm done with analysis. It's only giving me agita. I'm climbing aboard the LBJ Hope Train, hoping it will take us to Playoff Town. It's either that, or we run off the rails into the Pit of Winter Despair.

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


News flash: Actor Danny Aiello is Michael Kay's uncle.

This indicates that I can stop thinking Kay is a strunes. I may not, tho.....

https://nypost.com/2018/10/03/how-michael-kay-sees-yankees-wild-card-game-playing-out/

JM said...

Well, if Kay says they can win the Series, I guess that must be true.

I feel like a kid lying in bed at 4 a.m. on Christmas morning. Too early to get up, but I know what's out there under the tree.

If only Severino can not be a schmuck. Juju...juju...juju...juju...

TheWinWarblist said...

FUCK Michael Kay roughly in the mouth and then never spake of it again.

So endeth the fuckin' JuJu.

TheWinWarblist said...

I mean, seriously, fuck him.

KD said...

well, he did it. duque called for an INTERNATIONAL juju intervention. The BIG ONE! isn't this only the second one called in 2018? or maybe it wasn't an IJI for Gardy, but rather the more pedestrian juju intervention? whatever the case, it sure worked for Gardy. Now we minions of duque must make it work for the entire team. you have your orders, you lunkheads. now get out there tonight and raise some INTERNATIONAL juju!!! (Where is Urban Farmer when we need him?)

also be aware that should the Yankees lose, we will be saying goodbye to Brett Gardner. It's the Yankee Way not to acknowledge this fact, just like they did to Jorge. If the A's finally break their jinx and win this one, I will stand and doff my cap for "The Hitman" Gardy, who always busted his ass to win. who never ambled to first base or plodded after a ball in the outfield. The Anti-Cano. a true Yankee. there will be a tears in my eyes, for sure.

13bit said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
KD said...

you know, I've been worried about Urban Farmer all season. I sure hope he's OK. I fear that, after meeting Alphonso, Urban Farmer took it upon himself to emulate the Great Man. It may have turned out badly. There is only one Alfonso and he's the Alfonso for all of us.

KD said...

HAHA! we saw that post 13bit! I suggest you lie prone on the couch with a heating pad against the sore ear. I'll send some ear juju your way, just to let you know I care.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Crossing fingers, crossing toes, crossing everything crossable possible,,,, The International 2018 Wild Card JuJu Intervention is ON!

13bit said...

Thanks, KD. I have been less than my usual incoherent self here lately, so I took it down. Save the Juju for the team. I'll either get better or go to the doctor.

Alphonso said...

There are sharks out there in the sea we now ponder.

And they are hungry.

More dangerous can be the tides, and the numerous hidden furies.

We sail for the east. To a new world.

No one trusts the skipper.

No one trusts the helmsmen.

Fair thee well, men.

There is grog for everyone, as we say farewell to our safe harbor.

Hoist the mainsail. Full speed ahead.

Yankee Daddy Roger said...

Sunset and evening star
one clear call for me
may there be no moaning of the bar
when I put out to sea
May there be no moaning of the bar
when I put out to sea

Twilight and evening bell
And after that the dark
May there be no sadness of farewell
When I embark
May there sadness of farewell
When I embark

For though thou art borne of time and place
the flood may bear me far
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crossed the Bar
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crossed the bar

Parson Tom said...

Yes! I'm prepared to make such a bold statement of hope as well.

I'm Bill White said...

You think the Yankees will win on the same day that Buck Showalter loses his job?

ranger_lp said...

I share LBnoJ's hope, but I have a bad feeling about this game tonight...

Leinstery said...

I have no faith in this team. Game's over by the 4th inning.

KD said...

best to get something from the Doc for that ear, 13bit. we geezers are very tempting targets for microbes, what with our aged immune systems and all. if you can't afford a doc visit, my sister treated a friend's ear infection with antibiotics she bought on-line for fish. same antibiotic as for humans, just much, much cheaper. her friend responded well and the infection cleared up but now he's wondering where the slits on the side of his neck came from.

:-)

Anonymous said...

So endeth the two-foot-long dildo favored by Killer Doc because of a ruptured rectum. Warblist is now deciding which set of falsies to wear tonight while whacking off during Aaron Judge's first at-bat--from his/her bed in the ER.

KD said...

Yippee!!!! Leinstery showed up with his masterful reverse juju. we are now a lock to win this one, boys!

KD said...

two feet long? wow that's a big one! didn't think they made horsey sized dildos. we'll have to defer to our resident expert on that one.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Yes 13bit, I second KD's advice, please treat that ear infection very seriously. Sending EPIC IIHIIFIIC healing vibes my friend!

Local Bargain Jerk said...


No one trusts the skipper.

No one trusts the helmsmen.


I'll add that no one trusts the boat builder either.

But I still hope they win.



Continuing with these sticking-my-neck-way-out-there pronouncements, I'll note that it would be much more fun to watch the Yankees this weekend than Netflix, so I really hope they win.

JM said...

I saw an article online with a headline that said Cashman's long-term approach and use of analytics have given us this team. Or some such piece of bullshit on the ESPN site.

13bit, I really hope you get better soon. Don't fool around with infections. Before you know it, gangrene sets in and they have to amputate your head, which would be serious.

It's 4:30, isn't there a pre-game show on already?

And Yankee Daddy Roger, I appreciated the comment. It added to my already insane craving for a Ketel and tonic. Because even though I've been drinking Templeton rye or Manhattans recently, it's too damn warm today. Besides, I need the sugar rush to offset the pack of cigarettes I'll be smoking tonight.

That makes no sense, I know. But I'm a little wound up here.

C'mon, Bret "Reddy Kilowatt" Gardner. Come off the bench and steal home plate for the winning run. Just for old times' sake.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

I'll go with LBJ's first post.

TheWinWarblist said...

Me too, Rufus. 13bit, I don't know what's wrong with your ear, but if you're having purulent discharge it's time for urgent care or the ER. Like now. Before the game starts. Your delightful and diminutive head can only take do much, and I've already lost one internet friend this year.

JM said...

Where is our flying Dutchman? And Austria's Only Baseball Fan? We need their help tonight.

JM said...

I second the Warblist, 13bit. There's still time.

TheWinWarblist said...

I hope the Yankees win too. Our championship drought gets longer and longer. When will it end? When?

TheWinWarblist said...

Bold statement of hope!!

TheWinWarblist said...

Crossing bits of external genitalia? Sure! Why not!?

JM said...

Boone looks incredibly like the robot inventor from Blade Runner. Amazing.

KD said...

John M, I know you man. We’ve never met but I know you. You are Gardy fan of the first order. If the Yanks lose we all know we’ve seen the last of the amazing Gardner. He was so under appreciated in the Yankeeverse. Terribly underappreciated for so, so long. SOMEONE will need to express our deep gratitude for Brett’s grit, dedication, and skill.

Hint hint

13bit said...

Thank you all for the love! I feel the love! I had a cold and I'm *hoping* the pressure is just some end-stage shit. I'm never hesitant about getting medical help - aside from my mental issues - so not worries. If it continues tomorrow, I will get help. For now, though, I'm just laying low.

If someone were to read this comment thread, they might think my days are numbered - I guess all our days are numbered - but I hope to survive this and move on to the next issue.

TheWinWarblist said...

Darling, I hope you're correct. If you run a fever, I will insist you seek medical attention or offer yourself to the jUjU as a human sacrifice. One or the other.

Just so long as the Yankees crush our enemies, see them driven before us, and to hear the lamentations of their women!

TheWinWarblist said...

https://youtu.be/HjMQbzBhTb4

13bit said...

Thank you, Winnie, for the kind words and the inspirational video.

xox

JM said...

KD...yes!

TheWinWarblist said...

I like Winnie!

TheWinWarblist said...

I have to get out of the hospital. I need to warm up my voice to a blistering inchoate level and break out the Double-Secret Warbling Pants.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

I’m SoooooOOOooooooo preying we are treated to your magnificent Winwarble Master Winnie, been crossing all my Internals and externals.

And be well 13bit, PLEASE take care and keep us posted!!

Local Bargain Jerk said...


I hope the Yankees win.

I hope 13bit's malady is nothing serious and that he gets better soon.

13bit said...

Thanks all. I took an advil. If it aches in the morning, I'll call the doctor. No projectile vomiting, which is always a plus. I'll leave out everything else. I appreciate the well wishes. You're a good crew, you all.

JM said...

Sevvy blows them away in the first, two Ks.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

ALL RISE

JM said...

Holy mother fucking motherfuck.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Whoooooooooooop

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Wacking off to Judge’s first at bat INDEED!!!!!

JM said...

ICS calling a lame game I the second, but Sevvy gets through it.

JM said...

In the second.

JM said...

Hook! Sevvy is getting worse each inning, now a lead off walk. Not as sharp as the first.

JM said...

They got really lucky. Severino is the second half Severino. He was done going into the fourth. If they trot him out again, we lose.

JM said...

OMG, they brought him out again. Jesus fucking Christ.

JM said...

They crowd applauds Sevvy when they yank him. So much for knowledgeable fans.

JM said...

Head Case shuts it down. God bless him.