Friday, April 5, 2019

It could get late early: The Yankees simply cannot sustain another week like the last one.

Damn, I can't get this out of my head: The notion that the Yankees are another bad week from a catastrophic, year-crushing meltdown. Good grief, in the eight miserable days since the 2019 season launched, we've lost Stanton, Tulowitzky and Andujar, while Hicks, Ellsbury and Severino remain frozen in carbonite, and Betances and Sabathia float outside my bedroom window, shrieking into the cold night like the ghost of Hideki Irabu.

Listen: It's flat-out, Alex Jones-level insanity to suggest the Yankees should throw in the towel on 2019 - certainly not before the trade deadline, when Sir Didi will have returned. I get it. This wave of injuries should break and maybe even-out across the league, decimating the Redsocks and everybody else on my shit list. There is no reason to suspect the Yankees will continue to lose players the way the Pentagon loses track of nuclear warheads.

But but BUT... what if we do?

What has me spooked is the potential finality of Andujar's shoulder tear. If he needs surgery, he misses the season. It's not the end of him - he's just 24 - but we go from a 3B who could hit .300 with 30 HRs to - jeez - DJ LeMahieu? Tyler Wade? Thairo Estrada? Some Cashman scrap heap reclamation? Damn, everywhere you look, it's like a kick in the nuts: You know it happened, but the pain hasn't yet fully arrived. 

So, the terrified six-year-old inside me says... what if next week is like last week? At what point could the Yankees - come July - be staring at a full-scale meltdown? Here's the short list of season-ending asteroids - events that could cancel our show before the fifth episode, when Cher appears. Print it out, then set fire to it. The juju gods need to know we mean business.

1. A major injury to Aaron Judge. No surprise here. Take him from the lineup, and our batting order turns to margarine. The drop from Judge to, say, Mike Tauchman, is like replacing Bruce Springsteen with Benny Mardones. (And I say this with respect to "the Voice," an all-time Syracuse fave.) 

2. Loss of Gary Sanchez. Yes, Gary. In this case, it's not so much that he's lived up to his clippings; it's the lack of a replacement. Austin Romine hits for two weeks, then turns into Kyle Higashioka, who is entering his fifth year at Triple A. Wow. He should write a tourism guide for Scranton.

3. An injury to Aroldis Chapman. We may be seeing this in slow motion. While we do have alternatives, the mere act of watching Chapman blow saves until someone else is installed as closer would mean a month of horror. And then, there goes the bullpen, dominoes dropping, one by one. 

4. The Loss of Gleyber Torres. This would be catastrophic on every level. We would lose our SS, our 2B, our cleanup hitter and the break-out player that most gave us hope. We cannot afford to lose Andujar and Torres in one month. It's just not fair. We would have to sue the juju gods. 

Of course, this is merely my list of sky-is-falling terrors. No team in baseball could sustain such losses. But playing in the cold northeast - and refusing to postpone games even when it's sleeting - endangers our employees. If the floor collapses, there is no cavalry in Scranton waiting for the call. Cashman would have spent the month of May, trading young talent for new versions of Vernon Wells and Travis Hafner. So, when all has collapsed, here would be the plan.

Come July 30, we would trade Happ, CC, Gardy, Britton, Betances, Tulo and El Chapo, if he's throwing. Get whatever we can. We would pay part of Giancarlo's salary and do with him what Miami did with us: Wave goodbye. Hicksy? Flip a coin. Ditch either Bird or Voit. We would give full auditions to Wade, Clint Frazier, Domingo German, Luis Cessa and Johnny Lasagna. Maybe we would bring up Estevan Florial (if he's healed.) We'd sit back and hope somebody beats Boston. We'd retire Cooperstown Cashman - maybe bump him to a position where he can't cause trouble - and start looking at 2020. 

Yes, it's way too early to be having suicidal thoughts...

But what if this decade simply cannot be saved? We need a good week. Damn. We just need a good week.

9 comments:

JM said...

It goes without saying that one good week will not balance the crap decade we've just had.

I know, "crap" means a different thing to a Yankees fan than it does to others. But really, it's been pretty crappy.

This was crowned by signing Happ, who may be happy, which rhymes with crappy. Although "Happy" was on Syfy last night and remains the weirdest, funniest, and most disturbing show on TV, all at the same time.

Not a bad summation of our lost decade. Or the start of our new season.

Of course, "funniest" requires a certain sense of humor. Not everyone has the same dark, sick sense of humor that some of us have.

I feel for them. Sometimes it's the only way to get through the crappy times.

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


Just to add misery to the misery: Even if the Yankees manage to win the World Series this year, that would be just 2 in 11 years.

Not what I was led (as a child) to expect.

13bit said...

We already rebuilt once - we went for the "youth movement" and it was beginning to look spectacular. Then, El Casholo reverted to form. I have been saying for years, his behavior is consistent with the behavior of a crackhead or a compulsive gambler. He just cannot stop pawning the TV so that he can buy some shitty, used up arm or over-the-hill fielder. He NEEDS to make a move, any move, to feel alive. It's the only thing cause blood to flow to his penis and stir a little vibration in his crotch area. It's the only thing that gives his life meaning.

IF the great Cash-fuck were to inherit the 1927 Yankees or the 1996 Yankees, he'd instantly try to start "improving" the team. He was held in check initially by real baseball men, but he slowly got rid of anybody who would question him. Now, this team - and the whole lost decade - belong to him. It's too bad he won't actually take responsibility for it.

Fuck you, Brian. And fuck you, too, Hal, for being a passive bystander, stuffing your pockets while you are sailing in the Bahamas. I'll bet Hal doesn't even check the box scores.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Hilarious, Duque. AND TERRIFYING. Particularly since many of the people you're talking about—Judge, The Gleyber, Sancho—have already sustained major injuries in their careers.

HoraceClarke66 said...

One quick correction, Joe FOB: If the Yankees somehow, miraculously win the World Series this year, it won't be just 2 in 11 years.

It will also be just 2 in the last 19 YEARS.

HoraceClarke66 said...

13bit, you're right on the mark.

But you know, our Cashie DID inherit the 1996 Yankees. And it is a tribute to the Holy Trinity that built the Last Dynasty that it took Coops so long to unravel it.

You ever watch the YES "Biography" about the 1998 team? It makes sure to get in a line about how CASHMAN provided the truly great, finishing touch by trading for Knoblauch.

Somehow, I think that team might have done all right with Homer Bush, who hit .380 as a back-up, at second base.

Anonymous said...

Hand-wringing, nervous-Nellie, tiny-sample nattering.

13bit said...

Too cowardly to use a name.

Anonymous said...

Oh--13bit is your real name? I could have sworn it was ASSHOLE. Hoist by your own pseudonymous petard, ASSHOLE.