Monday, April 1, 2019

Andujar injured?... no, NO, NOOOO, TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFFFFF!


6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I guess all of Hell's lying is finally catching up with him. You do bad, bad will come to you!!!!!!!!!!!!

13bit said...

But we have such depth just built-in to our roster.

Thank god that 4-D chess master Cashman the Magnificent is running the show, backed up by the limitless reserves of Lord Hal the Munificent.

We are the luckiest fans on the face of the earth, unlike the tribe that prays to the Evil Dolan.

Onward, O' Death Star, onward! Fire your mighty engines and fly through the galaxy, effortlessly propelled to yet another World Series championship!

We are so lucky to have these REAL men in charge. REAL men, I tell you. Those poor Sawx up Beanville must be quaking in their diapers. Those poor fuckers. What do THEY know of winning? When was the last time THAT cursed franchise ever won? WE ARE THE MIGHTY YANKEES. We bleed glory and piss righteousness. We shit homer runs and ejaculate RBIs. We are the MASTERS OF THE FUCKING BASEBALL UNIVERSE.

Just plug in one of the bounty of future all-fucking stars from our INCOMPARABLY DEEP PHARM SYSTEM into the lineup. He'll be BETTER than Andu...andu..and-WHO? We don't need luck. We make our own luck. We manufacturer victories from molecules, from the building blocks of the universe.

THANK GOD FOR OUR COACHING, TRAINING AND CONDITIONING STAFFS. Where other teams suffer injuries, we skate by, immune from tweaks, pulls, blips and bullets. Our highly-trained staff KEEPS US HEALTHY and ensures that we are always big and strong, drinking our Ovaltine every inning from the cooler in the dugout.

I retire to my lonely bed, filled with my harem, content in the knowledge that WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Time to lower that 2019 average win total.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Look, it's not a problem, right?

So Harper fills in for Stanton. So Machado takes over for Andujar. So Corbin and Kuchel pick up for Sevvy and CC. Or we bring up Sheffield.

No harm, no foul.

Wait, what?

Anonymous said...

THE FUNNY THING IS COOP AND HAL WONT GET ANY BLAME FOR THIS DISASTER.

IT WILL ALL BE BLAMED ON THESE "FREAK OF NATURE" CLUSTER OF INJURIES...("BAD BREAKS").

WE ARE 2-2, WHICH MEANS NOTHING.

.....BUT HOW IS IT THAT I AM ALREADY AS MAD AS I HAVE EVER BEEN THIS EARLY IN THE SEASON?

HAL SHOULD BE MAD TOO....WHY?...LETS RECAP JUST A BIT.

COOP CONVINCED HAL WE DIDN'T NEED HARPER OR MACHADO AND WE COULD WIN WITHOUT EITHER.

HE CONVINCED HIM OF CHEAPER, SMARTER, ALTERNATIVE WAYS TO GO.

AARON HICKS FOR $70 MILLION (INSTEAD OF HARPER FOR OVER $300 MILLION).

DJ LEMAHIUE FOR $24 MILLION (INSTEAD OF MACHADO FOR $300 MILLION).

BRITTON, AND OTTAVINO FOR $75 MILLION (INSTEAD OF WHAT KEUCHEL WANTS- CLOSE TO $100 MILLION).

SO NOW, WE HAVE A GUY NAMED TAUCHMAN POSSIBLY PLAYING REGULARLY (WHEN COOP SAID IN SPRING TRAINING "WE HAVE 6 OUTFIELDERS" )- POSTURING HOW WE DIDN'T NEED HARPER.

WE HAVE COOP'S ANSWER TO MACHADO IN THE COMBO OF TULOWITSKI AND LEMAHIUE. (BEAR IN MIND, LEMAHIUE IS NOT A 3RD BASEMAN).

WHAT IT BOILS DOWN TO IS WE LOOK LIKE A STALE TEMPERATURE, FUCKING MESS RIGHT NOW.

A SHITTY PILE OF PLAY-DOH.

IF I WAS HAL, AND KEEP SEEING NOTHING BUT, "BAD BREAK", "BAD BREAK", "BAD BREAK", YET EVERY "BAD BREAK" IS COSTING ME MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, WHEN DOES HE SAY, "WAIT A MINUTE!...I AM SICK OF ALL THESE "BAD BREAKS!...SOMETHING NEEDS TO CHANGE!"- HIS FATHER SURE WOULD HAVE, THAT'S FOR SURE.

THIS OFF SEASON, ESPECIALLY, TO ME, TOTALLY HAD THE FEEL OF COOP CASHMAN JUST RUNNING AMOK AND DOING WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTED, WITH BARELY A CHECK-IN FROM HAL.

....AND NOW, ONLY 4 FUCKING GAMES INTO THE SEASON, WE ARE REAPING WHAT THAT LITTLE FUCKING ELF HAS SOWED.

MADDER THAN HELL.



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