Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Masked by tomato cans in the early going, the Yankees now look terrible against a real team

If last night's loss were penned by Shakespeare, the money line would be simple: "Et tu, Gardy?"

Yes, to bleat or not to bleat; that is the question. Thus far in 2019, everyone's favorite Yankee has pulled a Felicity Huffman. His .195 average serves to remind us that last year, Gardy not only lost his lead-off spot in the lineup, but by mid-September he was riding the bench, replaced by Andrew McCutcheon in left.  Last night, Gardy embarrassed himself and humanity by failing to run out a bunt, handing Houston a critical DP. It killed us. He also bobbled a ball in CF - where he looks mystified - letting an Astro take an extra base. At bat, he went 0-3 with a walk and strikeout. Right now, when he comes to the plate, 'tis no method to his madness.

Gardy's screw-ups have set the tone. Throughout our sweep against lowly Baltimore, the Yankees botched routine plays like Lucille Ball devouring chocolates on a speeded-up assembly line. Our base-running was horrible, and if not for Chris Davis appearing in key moments, like the Mothman, we could have blown at least two afternoons. The fact is, the Yankees have lost two winnable games in Houston and look like a team in a leaderless fog. Is it too early for a water cooler to get demolished?

Last night, you saw the malaise everywhere:

Austin Romine botched two pitches, letting runners advance in key situations. If it were Gary Sanchez, we'd be screaming. WTF is wrong with Romine? Is he passed his sell date? His hitting will not justify poor defense. 

Thrill-a-minute Cliff Frazier clanked on two sinking liners in left field, both catchable balls. They changed the course of the game. We suddenly face a new question: Is Frazier's glove too much of a liability... even if he hits?

The 2019 Yankee Hall of Fame Super-Mega-Bullpen of the Century (TM) again flopped. Somehow, the Yankees this spring gas-lighted us into believing a) all our pitchers will return in top form, and b) we are baseball's only team with a slew of flame-throwers. Not only does our bullpen look average, but with El Chapo and Zack Britton showing signs of age, we face a season where no lead can ever be truly safe. And that's not counting the roller-coaster ride known as Dellin Betances, who will soon add to the late innings chaos. A tweak here or there, and this vaunted bullpen could be a problem spot.

Of course, yesterday's real lead was what we've suspected all along: Luis Severino won't be back in May, his shoulder is an enigma, and any return date announced by the Yankees is crapola. He could miss months. He could miss the year. The fate of this season hangs in an MRI, and even then, we won't know what to believe, because the Yankees commonly lie. 

Of course, a half-solution awaits our call. The former Yankee killer, Dallas Keuchel, remains unsigned. With Severino now on the official Yankee Terror List, the reasons why Cooperstown Cashman won't sign Keuchel should be scrawled in blood and hammered into the mast of our sinking whaler.  

We won't sign Keuchel because: 1. Money doesn't grow on trees! 2. There's no room with the great Luis Cessa and Domingo German! 3. We've already signed Gio Gonzalez! 4. We're a few games ahead of Boston! 5, Why sign a free agent why you can trade prospects? 6. Luis Severino has destroyed our faith in players; it's all his fault. 

Yep. That will be new message. Blame Severino, because he signed a big contract and then got hurt. It's always their fault. Right now, the Yankees can put forth only one real hope for 2019: It's early, and all the crap has landed on us at once. Et' tu, Boonie?

18 comments:

HoraceClarke66 said...

It's already a lie.

Strained lats that started aching last July, did not heal with a winter of rest, and now are worse than ever?

Uh-huh.

Obviously, Severino has some kind of rotator cuff inflammation—unless it's a tear still too small to be easily detected/. The Yanks will waste more months shipping him off to Lourdes or the Santuario di Chimayo for a little faith healing.

Then they'll give him the knife.

HoraceClarke66 said...

And for the love of Pete, at least move Gardy down in the lineup!!!

Hey kids, here's a ca-razy lineup idea:

Put some guys who are actually hitting well—LeMahieu, Torres come to mind—in the 1-2 spots.

Only THEN do you put up your power guys—Judge, Sanchez—so that they're constantly hitting with guys on base.

I know, I know: it might mean moving Judge's wonderful OBP out of the 2-holel, so he can no longer view Luke Voit's latest strikeout from the advantage of first base.

Hey, I said this was ca-razy, only the way learned baseball men did it for 150 years or so.

But you might just, somehow, generate more of those 3-run homers this is all supposed to e about.

Ca-razy!

JM said...

We're doomed.

Anonymous said...

HOSS YOU'RE RIGHT.

HOW ABOUT PUTTING SOME GUYS WHO ACTUALLY HIT AT THE TOP OF THE ORDER?

WHAT A CLUSTERFUCK THE START OF THIS SEASON HAS BEEN.

WE ARE LUCKY WE'RE NOT 2 - 9 THE WAY WE ARE PLAYING.

PETE ALONSO KEEPS HITTING HOMERS, WHILE GREG BIRD CONTINUES TO STRIKE OUT AND RIDE THE BENCH.

RAGE.

Anonymous said...

Great job, Hell and cASSman putting this team together!!!!!!!!

Bozo said...

It was good to see Boone not over work Tarpley after that 9 pitch inning! He really knows how to use a bullpen!

Anonymous said...

First of all, Gardner had not business bunting in that situation. Boone's also been recklessly calling for a lot of steals lately. The organziation claims to be all in on analytics, but seemingly more in the breach than in the observance.

And WHY are they sending down Loaisiga? He has some growing up to do as a pitcher, but he's a terrific talent and will grow faster at this level than in the minors. Cashman has ALWAYS been afraid to give young talent a chance. It seems that the only only way a young pitcher can stick with the Yankees is to flirt with a no-hitter every time out. And now we await the return of the fat middle-aged cardiac knee cripple?

And WHY did this idiot re-sign Gardner, who is clearly finished as a hitter and merely adequate as a fielder as this age?

What a fucked up organization, run by a certifiable moron. Really--I'm sure Cashman's IQ is the lowest among MLB GMs.

13bit said...

Not everything its quantifiable, even if you do worship at the shrine of stats, metrics and numbers. Cashman could be a genius with a personality disorder. Do I believe he's a genius? No, but IQ is overrated, just as are many of the stats that teams use on a regular basis, yet continue to wilt in August. This is deeper than his alleged IQ. This, as with Lord Hal, goes back to diapers and poop, to cold, hard looks at the dinner table and clandestine, forbidden things that we don't discuss on this blog. Brian's got some BIG problems and we are all the worse for that.

Anonymous said...

13bit--you perpetuate the red herring that this is about stats vs. intution. That's horseshit. It's about traditional stats that are often misleading and more evolved and well-thought-out stats that provide more insight into a player's performance. For example: RBI--that's a team stat, because you can't drive in runners who don't get on base ahead of you; runs scored--can't score runs if the guys behind you aren't hitting, so also a team stat; BA--tells us nothing about power or overall ability to get on base; ERA--tells us nothing about park factors, the defense behind the pitcher, BABIP, etc.

So can we drop the diversonary, inept mythology about the good old days and get serious?

Anonymous said...

hey bit guy - do not respond to this insufferable, humorless, dull-eyed moron who thinks he's intelligent. just say no.

stat baby LOVES attention.

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


I can't argue: A given player's RBI number is gonna be low if his teammates aren't on base ahead of him.

I also can't argue with a 5-and-6 record after 11 games. That's reality. BUT: It might easily be 8-and-3, given better games against the Orioles at the beginning and one victory in the past 2 nights against the Stros.

If anyone, using any new or old sets of numbers, can figure out why players are getting picked off, missing 2B retouches, dropping things (like baseballs), swinging at 0-and-0 pitches that they can't hit.....etc.........that would be good.

Until someone comes up with those numbers, I'm going to have to believe what's being done by Boone and his staff is an absolutely abysmal job. That's why my eyes are telling me.

Words I never thought I'd type: Bring Back Girardi!

TheWinWarblist said...

On a completely unrelated topic, that Bryce Harper fellow doesn't look all that washed up or overrated.

Anonymous said...

Psycho Anonymous--you MUST get a new life concern other than trolling me. Otherwise I predict that you will die in a pool of your own diarrhea from sitting in front of your screen all day consuming nothing but chef boyardee ravioli and mountain dew while waiting for your once chance a month to type insults at a stranger on the Internet.

Joe of AZ said...

Here fuckin Here!!!

TheWinWarblist said...

Oh lookey lookey, James Paxton sucks too!


Fuckers.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Computer science over the past 25 years has come up with a statistical guide to understand and better quantify every aspect of baseball. Why can't one of the life sciences develop a method to reanimate dead people so we can dig up Casey Stengel's corpse and have him manage the Yankees? Anyone here up for a Nobel Prize???

13bit said...

I'm not listening to ANYBODY who doesn't identify themselves, whether it's "psycho anonymous" or the stat guy with no name. If you can't speak without some identifying marker, I don't care.

As for the Yankees, I'm done.

Anonymous said...

13bit--you moronic phony. Please publish your full real name, phone number, and address. Really--are you PROUD of being so stupid? Your moniker hides your real identity just as thoroughly as any other combination of letters and numbers. YOU ARE A FUCKING IMBECILE AND HYPOCRITE. Just change your moniker to that--IMBECILE AND HYPOCRITE. That works much better for you.