Saturday, April 20, 2019

Shaving With Bill

And now it's time for another episode of "Shaving with Bill," in which we discuss the vital Yankees issues of the day with William of Occam, while he takes his morning shave with a straight razor.

So, Bill, another Yankee joins the DL IL.  What's it all about?  A curse?  Bad JuJu?  Karma?

Well, Sherman, I don't know the Yankees from an angel dancing on the head of a pin.  But all mystical speculation aside, the most obvious answer is this:  when over half your roster in on the IL, mostly due to routine injuries picked up in the course of daily stooball action, your training staff is out to lunch.


The actual ancestor of baseball.  You could look it up, as Casey used to say.

But what about injuries such as Severino's aching shoulder?

My point exactly.  Ah, dammit!  Gotta have the smithy sharpen this blade.  But look:  the training staff could not detect Sevvy's injured arm for over a half a season.  Then he managed to strain his late while in rehab.  Who has a training staff like this?  What makes you think they're any better about anything else?

But there is tremendous wear and tear on the players.

Sure.  It's a tough game.  Stooball was never like this in my day.  Just a nice mating ritual between milkmaids and stable boys.  The only time anyone tweaked a gonad was in the hayloft, if you know what I mean.  But all the more reason why you want to carefully monitor your players and their methods.

But we've never seen anything like this before.

Actually, your Yankees are notorious for not taking care of even their best talent.  If you'll recall, the great DiMaggio's debut was pushed back for weeks, back in 1936, because some quack in the clubhouse burned his heel with some newfangled device.  The chump wasn't even fired.  Then there was Mantle blowing the fastest recorded legs in major-league history because of an open sprinkler head.  Over 20 years later, albeit in another park, Elliott Maddox does the same thing.  Who's paying attention, people?

Boy, for a 13th-14th-century monk, you really know your baseball.

Hey, when you're dead you got a lot of time on your hands.

But listen, Mr. Logic:  if it's the training staff, how come this is Aaron Judge's third major injury in as many seasons?  Doesn't this just indicate that he's injury-prone?

He may well be, Sherman.  In fact, every outfielder the Yankees was counting on to make a major contribution this season—Judge, Stanton, Hicks, Frazier—has a disturbing history of injuries.

So how the hell are they supposed to guard against that?

Whoa, watch the language, boy!  Well, logic would dictate signing or trading for the best young outfielder they could find in the off-season.  Was such a player available?

Umm, well....

I mean, maybe the best player for his age in the history of the free-agent market?  Available just for the money, of which your Yankees have plenty?

I see your point.

"Harder it is for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of Heaven," son.  A wiser One than me said that.

Happy Easter, padre.

You too, Sherman.  And let's go Yankees.

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