Friday, April 19, 2019

So much for momentum, Yanks fall to another tomato can

Damn, it seemed so perfect... Who better to launch a winning streak against than Boston? The planets were lined up, the weather was breaking, our tweaked gonads were shrinking back to the size of kettle corn, the always-lovable KC and the Sunshine Band were coming to town - everything stood in place for a sweet little four-game sweep, while we sang "Shake Your Bootie" to the juju gods. You could feel it. Damn...

Then, nothing... We didn't show up. Not only that, we didn't call in sick. We didn't hold them in the first inning, we blew it in the third, we never figured out their starter, our bullpen topped it off with a floater in the punch bowl - a total team botch job. And to date, that sums up the 2019 Yankees. We fail a lot, and we fail together.

There are whispers growing in the back alleys of baseball that big-spending Boston could actually be in trouble - that its horrendous start portends weaknesses that won't vanish in May. That said, the Yankees are merely two victories away from being miserable Boston, (and we'll soon give them a chance at revenge in Fenway.) As an excuse, the Yankees point to the deluge of injuries, which transformed the bottom of their lineup into a Scranton-Wilkes Barre homecoming. We have yet to string together a decent winning streak, and it looks like none will happen in April, rainy April.


Tonight, we again turn to CC to staunch the malaise. He pitched well last week, so here's hoping that he can deliver his modern equivalent of a Koufaxian masterpiece: Six innings, maybe two runs. By September, his season will look like the redacted version of the Mueller Report - weeks and months blacked out here and there - as his past injuries check in to say hi. 

We stand 5.5 games behind the Devil Rays, who are 14-5, but suddenly without their best pitcher, Blake Snell. He idiotically fractured his toe the other day after stepping out of the shower and trying to move a granite table, which was bolted down. (Who bolts down a granite table, anyway? Isn't it heavy enough? If I had a pitcher like Snell, I wouldn't allow granite in the house; everything would be made of sponge, and he would wear bubble-wrap.) It crashed down on his foot, winning him the 2019 Henry Cotto Q-Tip Award for Darwinian Sport Survival.

Thank you, granite tables, everywhere. (Go ahead, Chris Sale, kick one!) We won't have to worry about Snell in our upcoming tussle with Tampa. But thanks to last night's blown opportunity, we must win the next three, or we'll suffer a split against lowly KC... at home. We are squandering an incredible opportunity to build a lead in the AL East. Another few games like last night, and the back alley whispering will be about us.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

"We are squandering an incredible opportunity to build a lead in the AL East." Build a lead? How about getting to .500 first!

HoraceClarke66 said...

Hmm, the "kicked a granite table" excuse reminds me of the 1967 pennant race when Denny MacLain was supposedly lost to the Tigers down the stretch because he tripped on a throw rug and broke a toe.

Came out much later that a gangster stomped on his foot and broke it for him because of unpaid gambling debts.

Not that I'm implying anything about Blake Snell!

Vampifella said...

Reminds me of Joba Chamberlain and the trampoline accident. I wouldn't be making any unnecessary movements if it meant loosing millions in my baseball career and then you hear about these guys doing such stupid stuff like this.

TheWinWarblist said...

Oh my gods, can you even imagine what Joba looked liked bouncing on a trampoline!?

JM said...

I don't want that stuck in my head, Warblist. So I'll think of the Man Show girls on trampoline instead.

Hey, how bout the Tush Man? Nice.

JM said...

And bullpen time. Two doubles, no outs. The Master was just saying how well Cessa has been doing. Umm...

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Leinstery said...

Everyone knows that the Yankees can't hit the top tier pitchers and the minor league spot starters. The formula always holds true. They are so bad against bad pitching that I bet we could throw a combined no-hitter against them.

Anonymous said...

Yup, Vampfella, reminds me even more of an incident in our very own Ma Lorna Boone's career - - anyone recall an off-season pickup basketball game - - which led directly to our signing A-Wad?? I certainly will not forget that one - - Boone is such a shining exampmle for our players. LB (No J)

Anonymous said...

FRAZIER LOOKS A LOT MORE COMFORTABLE IN RF THAN LF.

JUDGE TO LEFT?...PERMANENTLY?

I KNOW IT WON'T HAPPEN BUT JUDGE CAN HANDLE IT IN LEFT, WHICH WOULD MAKE US A STRONGER TEAM WITH CLINT COMFORTABLE IN THE FIELD AND IN THE LINEUP EVERYDAY.

STANTON IS NO GOOD ANYWHERE WITH A GLOVE IN HIS HAND. DH ONLY. (BENCH HIM AGAINST RIGHTIES)....YEAH, WISHFUL THINKING ON MY PART...

I'M GRASPING AT STRAWS TO MAKE THIS TEAM BETTER.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Stanton, Stanton...I'm trying to recall that name.

Is he that guy who used to strike out all the time? Did we option him to Scranton or something? Did he go to play in Japan?

CollBull now 4-9.

JM said...

Stanton was a gritty, great reliever who never had to bat.

You listening, John Carlo?