Friday, April 12, 2019

The problem? It's pitching, pitching, pitching, and the Yankees don't have it

As we wait for Gary Sanchez to go on the Injury List - seriously, folks, should we not expect it? - yesterday's day off provides a chance to wonder why the Yankees are 5-7, and running out of tomato cans to play.  

Of course, it's injuries! Yeah, that's the ticket! (Though it's strained in the case of Troy "Youkilis" Tulowitzky.) But Yankee ERA's have exploded like Measles in Manhattan (great name for a rock band, btw.) Wanna see a black hole? Who needs NASA? Feast your eyes on these stats. 

Hint: The mystery unfolds at the bottom. There, Mean Chad Green has turned into the Green New Deal - his ERA rising like methane above the Siberian permafrost. Aside from a 1-2-3 inning against lowly Detroit, he's been whacked like Trump's palace guards, and Houston torched him for three runs in an otherwise win-able game. Two years ago, Green's ERA stood at 1.83. Last year it jumped to 2.50. He wasn't the same player. Now? Let's just say his career arc resembles that of - uh oh - Tommy Kahnle. 

Speaking of Kahnle, he's suffered punishing outings after looking good in spring training. Last year, his fastball went soft, leading to a Summer in Scranton (another rock band name, btw.) Same with Jonathan Holder: They don't look like last year's model. Add to this army of the dead the venerable Zack Britton, whose "Power Sinker" (heavy metal band) drew raves from the YES team the other night, moments before the Astros gutted him. No matter how you slice it, the world's greatest bullpen has been a bust. 

But wait, there's also "Big Maple" Paxton. You can always tell when the Yankees are disappointed in someone, because their Baghdad Bob spokespeople will note how the player they traded has turned out to be a bust. In this case, Justus Sheffield has been pounded at Triple A - one game, four innings, four runs. Expect the YES team to solemnly (but joyously) remind us of this until Justus improves.

(By the way, Sonny Gray might prove to be an AJ Burnett exception. In two games, Sonny's ERA is 2.89. Ahh, but last night, he left a game in Cincinnati after being hit by a come-backer. He might be hurt. Haha! Cashman strikes again! Haha!)

And, of course, there is JA Happ. As long as the Yankees have him, we technically cannot be "hapless." Maybe he'll get it together. But he's 36 and throws fastballs. So Maybe He Won't (girls' emo rock band.) And that's the best analysis I've got for the most critical element of 2019. Maybe yes, maybe no. 


JM said...

We're doomed.

Local Bargain Jerk said...

And that's the best analysis I've got for the most critical element of 2019. Maybe yes, maybe no.

But probably no.

JM said...


I mean, no.

Oh, you know.

Anonymous said...

Until Paxton gives us a "solid" start we should change his nickname to "Big Maypo".

Doug K.

Anonymous said...

As I said earlier, Paxton is another Sonny Gray until he proves differently. That ASShole cASSman just doesn't get it, does he. Again, he reminds me of that oil filter commercial where the actor mechanic says, "you can pay me now or you can pay me later". He'll make more trades of our prospects to acquire another Garcia or Gray to shore up the pitching.

The Ghost of Yankees Past said...

Too early to look at ERAs based on limited innings. Time will tell who is going to pitch well and who isn’t. The slow start has multiple reasons.

Alphonso said...

Who would have ever thought the Yankees weren't loaded with pitchers? We have the best bullpen in baseball, bar none...right? So the other guys only need to go 3-4 innings.

HoraceClarke66 said...

I've started calling him, "The Ace, James Paxton," in tribute to the Dan Ackroyd, Tom Hanks "Dragnet."

HoraceClarke66 said...

And Duque, Duque, Duque—isn't this second-guessing in the extreme?

I mean, how can you expect train professionals assessing a baseball team to take anything from the year-long—or half-year-long, in the case of Sevvy—deterioration of a pitcher?

"Hmm, fastball velocity down, pitches being hit harder, ERA rising steadily...Yeah, he's good to go. Greatest bullpen ever!"

It's as if you went into your local garage and the guy said, "Yeah, your oil is down to nothing, the gas tank leaks, and good luck starting that battery again. Have fun on your 1,000-mile driving vacation!"

I have to say, it's really, really weird how the current regime seems to trust the middle managers over everything. Do they run other businesses like this? I want them to invest in a store for me, so I can just put a big "Out to Lunch" sign on the door, and go sleep in the back for 8 hours.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Also, if you take a look at my new, patent-pending "CollBull"@ stat, you realize that with everything else that's gone wrong, a pen that lived up to management's expectations could have the Yanks at 11-1 right now.

Sure, it would be a phony 11-1, kind of like the Mets' 11-1 start last season.

On the other hand, when a team gets off to a start like that, sometimes things fall into place. Everybody plays loose and confident. Plus, we'd be 8 games or so ahead of the Sox.

Ah, well.

HoraceClarke66 said...

And hey, this just in:

Jon Smoltz called The Ace, James Paxton," "Andy Pettitte times five."

Huh. So I guess that means Paxton would beat Smoltz 5-0 in a critical World Series game on the road.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Also, Sonny Gray survived that line drive to lower his ERA to 2.03.

The minor-league pitcher we traded with him, Reiver Sanmartin—yes, we actually had to throw in a prospect to deal Sonny Gray for another minor leaguer—is doing only middling at Single-A-plus. But hell, HIS NAME IS REIVER SANMARTIN. If that's not a name to conjure with, I don't know what is.

And Shed Long? The minor-league infielder we got from Cincy and promptly traded on for an outfielder literally named, I think, "Moist Towlettes,"? He's hitting .367 in AAA.

Yeah, we couldn't use some hard-hitting middle infielder right about now. No way.

Anybody know how Towlettes is doing?