Friday, May 27, 2011

Has A-Rod bitten off more than he can chew?

We know the deal. One day, she's carpetbombing you on the water-futon; next day, it's popcorn injections at the Super Bowl. It's love, American style, truer than the red, white and blue; love, American Style, it's me and yooooou! Makes the world go round. And after that chlamydia trail Alex Rodriguez has been hiking since 2008, when he ditched the trophy -- well -- he should sign up for the Love Boat.

We hoped he could find peace and happiness with the Hollywood "It" girl of 1996, at least before her lips began to leak. Now, not so sure. Don't think long term, at least according to the journalism gold standard known as the Huffington Post Slide-Show. Cameron Diaz leads the pack on a list of "Celebrities who Think Marriage is for Cows," which is shorthand for "Why Hollywood Gomorrahites Must Not Affect Our Politics."

For whatever it's worth, Alex did well as a married man. Here are Alex's first years, the salad whoring years, when he was -- as Tom Waits would put it -- better off without a wife.

Not bad. But then met Cynthia, his pyschologist future wife. They had some good seasons. Note the boldface numbers. That means he led the league.

Ever since, he's been hitch-hiking along High Maintenance Highway: Madonna, Kate Hudson and Cameron Diaz.

Well, who's next? It'll be someone we know. A-Rod's probably 20 years from his female Larry Fortensky. But Cameron Diaz isn't in this for the seeds. It aint love, American style. It's Kong. See them planes, kid? Aint those planes that brought it down. Those planes had nuthin to do with it. It's beauty that killed the beast.

1 comment:

The Binder said...

This calls for a poll to pick A-Rod's next squeeze.

1) Krystal Palin
2) Natalie Gulbis
3) Gaga
4) Danica Patrick
5) That chick from the biggest loser