Friday, May 20, 2011

If Saturday brings Biblical apocalypse, Yankees in line for AL Wild Card

Despite our recent slump, when Judgement Day comes tomorrow, the Yankees could still qualify for the eternal post-season.

To have a shot, we must win tonight. At stake is not only 25 immortal souls in the Kingdom of God, but Jorge Posada's career legacy: Who wants to go into Doomsday batting a meager.181?

The abbreviated race is courtesy of Biblical prophet Harold Camping, who the Gray Lady describes as...

... a civil engineer turned self-taught biblical scholar whose doomsday scenario — broadcast on his Family Radio network — predicts a May 21, 2011, Judgment Day. On that day, arrived at through a series of Bible-based calculations that assume the world will end exactly 7,000 years after Noah’s flood, believers are to be transported up to heaven as a worldwide earthquake strikes. Nonbelievers will endure five months of plagues, quakes, wars, famine and general torment before the planet’s total destruction in October.

Ouch. This guy is the Alphonso of evangelicals. And let's hope we don't have to hear him taking credit for being right. I'd rather get beaned by a falling brick and go straight to hell rather than listening to Harold Camping go point-by-point about why Brett Gardner doesn't matter.

Camping previously predicted the Rapture in 1994 -- coinciding with the players strike. But his sliderule was off. Now, thanks to his high-powered Commodore computer, he's recrunched the numbers and is certain.

Of course, Phil Hughes arm is already there. The rest of Phil will follow, beginning tomorrow. And poor Okijima. One day to go, and Boston dumps him. Heartless bastards.      


Fake Alphonso said...

"This guy is the Alphonso of evangelicals. And let's hope we don't have to hear him taking credit for being right."
Beware the wrath of Alphonso

Alphonso said...

I just love insanity.

In it's purest form it just gets to the basic truths.

Joe De Pastry said...

Would Okinawa be better than Logan?