Friday, May 20, 2011

Republican Leaders Say, "No," to Rapture May 21, 2011

Fearing that the Democrats would link the end of the earth, scheduled for tomorrow, to a broadening of the debt limit, the Republican leadership today, in special session, has voted "No" on any and all ideas so pertaining.

An unnamed Republican Senator stated (without attribution), " I do believe the Bible guarantees that Judgement Day is May 21, but we are going to have to make an exception this time."

" With all due respect to the calculations that tomorrow is exactly the 7000th year after Noah and his flood, and my firm conviction that believers are to be transported to heaven on a golden
cloud ( with a stop-over on Jupiter because the holy do not travel on the Sabbath ), we've simply got to filibuster for the Rapture to take place on a new day, " sayeth this learned republican Senator.

The fear is that Democrats left behind on earth by, " the brides of the lamb," will use this opportunity to not only increase debt limits, but also to pass new laws on corporate contributions to lobbyists, regulate the hedge funds and banks, institute single payer health care, refinance medicare and social security, end the wars in the middle east, invest in education, repair our infrastructure, and revise the tax code so that corporations and the rich pay a fair share to fund the costs of the nation.

" Clearly," said this devout and prominent Republican ( a close friend, by the way, of both Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman), " to allow any of those changes to happen would be far worse than the end of the earth."

Amen to that.


Mustang said...

Please, Christians. Float away.

Joe De Pastry said...

They would if they could, but they can't, so they won't.

Anonymous said...

This is a very special message from the one known as the Comforter in The End Times (John 14:16 and 14:26) to Harold Camping of Family Radio posted at

Harold Camping, Today is May 20, 2011

"The Comforter" would like to thank Harold Camping and his group for making people aware of the fact that the Rapture Energies are coming and soon there will be the Physical Body Ascensions of those who are ready.

You are special people who stood up for God during the End Times. Thus, you still have time to get ready for a Physical Body Ascension and learn how to consciously work with the sun's Rapture Energies so you are prepared to Ascend at anytime, from anywhere.

We can teach you how to use Rapture Energies so you can be part of those who leave for the City of Gold in the prophesized Archangelic level Physical Body Ascension Process that will occur before December 21, 2012.

These 3 steps enable one to begin training at home with Rapture Energies and to partake each week in our Sabbath's guided visits to the City of Gold.

· Step One: Free Techniques *
· Step Two: A Two Day Meditator Class
· Step three: A Two Day Activator Class

* Daily usage of our free techniques and a liberal's lifestyle of properly helping others in need, will enable one to become ready for an Angelic level Ascension on Judgment Day, December 21, 2012.

Email Classes @ for a calendar of our family's Classes in your area of the world.

Jesus said...

Dear Winston397,

What does the sleep-over on Jupiter cost?