Monday, September 23, 2019

With a week to go, the Yankees are actually sitting in the catbird seat

At first glance, it looks as though Houston will win the home field advantage next week. After all, they play six tomato cans within their cupcake division, where they grew dominant by finishing last for a decade. Congrats are in order. HOO-rah, HOO-ston.

But now comes a final hurdle: They must win four of their last six - (the Yanks should win at least three out of five) - while resting their stud muffins. They can't afford a tweaked gonad. (From now on, every tweaked gonad is a broken bone.) Do they want Jose Altuve snapping his tootsie while legging out a nubber? Meanwhile, the Yankees - who have thrived all year on spare parts - actually have players who need the reps.

Here's a Death Star lineup of expendables and returning war horses, all of whom are competing for a shot at October. Damn, we're not in Scranton anymore. 

c: Gary Sanchez (needs action.)
1b: Edwin Encarnacion (needs action.)
2b: Thairo Estrada
ss: Didi Gregorius (needs to hit.)

3b: Tyler Wade
lf: Giancarlo Stanton (needs action.)
cf: Cameron Maybin (needs work in CF.)
rf: Clint Frazier
dh: Mike Ford 


This lineup could run the table. Not only that, it rests Aaron Judge, Brett Gardner, Gleyber Torres, Gio Urshela, D.J. LeMahiue and Luke Voit - all of whom can DH or pinch hit. I cannot recall a deeper Yankee roster entering the playoffs. 

Still, one challenge remains: Can the Yanks actually go five games without an injury? (Have they done it this year?) Encarnacion, Sanchez and Stanton head the list of returnable stock. Dare we imagine a Yankee lineup with everyone healthy - with Gardy batting ninth? Could the planets really line up? Would the tides rise globally? Would volcanoes erupt?

The Yankees play the Tampa Devil Rays twice. They face a team withered by stresses - 5-5 in their last 10 - from its existential reason to go on: Hating the Yankees. If we take just one game - one - behind Edwin, Gary and Gio, we will cripple them. If we sweep, we could put them on a half-season course to Montreal. Meanwhile, Houston cannot ease up. We have cards to play. We have players to play. This isn't a lost week. This could be fun.

18 comments:

Rufus T. Firefly said...

"Can the Yanks actually go five games without an injury? (Have they done it this year?)"

No.

TheWinWarblist said...

Maybe if they cut back on the oleum ... but even then, I doubt it.



Fuck you Hal.

TheWinWarblist said...

Rufus T?

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Winnie,

Oleum? Are you disposing of bodies again? I find my backhoe much quicker and easier to cover my tracks.

13bit said...

Just leave the body bag outside Citifield and they know to take them in and enrich the outfield soil with them. I hear that the composting bin is under the seats in right field.

TheWinWarblist said...

I was cranky the other day. for you I would definitely spring for a nice place in The City like The Conrad of The Giraffe. But dear sweet bitty is special; The Ritz.




Fuck you oh so much Hal.

Carl J. Weitz said...

I doubt they will rest DJ much as he is a few points behind in the AL batting race. Should he win, it would be the first time in the modern baseball era that someone won the batting title in both the AL and NL.

Rufus...I think your backhoe would produce more tracks than cover cover up.
The way to do it is rent a car, buy a liner for the back (pay cash and wear sunglasses, a wig, a hat and elevator shoes when making the purchase), take the body out in a large garbage bag or rug. Bring the corpse, liner and rug/bag and burn them about 50 miles away in a secluded spot (wearing gloves and same disguise).Leave the car off the road out of view and take a wagon to transport everything you'll burn so as not to leave tire tread marks that can be identified as your car rental. Take the charred remains and place in a small bag. Swim with the bag a half mile into the adjacent pond or lake. Take a 10 lb weight and tie the bag securely around it and let it sink. Take the rental car to a neighboring state and book into a hotel and go to a sports event or concert.

The liner prevents any fibers or dna being left behind in the car and the event provides an alibi for the car rental if the police even remotely suspect you did it. They'll never find the decomposed remains of the burnt body and accessories.Even if they did it would be too far gone.

Have I overlooked anything that might incriminate the perpetrator?

Carl J. Weitz said...

Oh....and dump the wagon in a random trash bin in the neighboring state on the way to the hotel.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Carl, I have 70 acres, and I am constantly digging in the ground. No one would be the wiser about one more hole.

Your disguise recommendation will be useful when disposing of the perp's vehicle. Several known white trash drug hoods within an hour's drive and close to the state line. I figure just leave the keys in the car and it would be in pieces in about a day.

Only think I'll need is a wheel man to pick me up. If you get an urgent e-mail from me, you'll know what it is about. I'll be the guy in the wig and elevator shoes (that's a term from the past). You can tell it's me by using the code phrase: "Fuck you HAL."

13bit said...

I have lots of driving experience. I'll help out, Rufus.

TheWinWarblist said...

Look, I get it, I get it. A hole's a good thing. But what goes into the hole after a good oleum soak is a greasy black liquid with not a nanogram speck of intact DNA. Some prefer it that way.

Anonymous said...

Now I know what happened to stats anon.

Doug K.

TheWinWarblist said...

Doug K? You do not.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Winnie, you have a good point about lack of trace-ability.


Doug K., I would only want that if I could pop his eyes out by squeezing his neck (Sam Kinison reference). Not that I wish him any harm other than that.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Oh, and to get back to Duque's post, his optimism is frightening me, in a Juju sorta way.

Do not tempt the gods at this point in the season, PLEASE!

Austria's Only Baseball Fan said...

Apropos Duque's optimism:

When I first got Juju, I also got a nice autographed copy of the book from El Duque and a handwritten note which says:

“Keep your fingers crossed: I’ve got a good feeling about Greg Bird.”

I cherish both the book and the note.

It wasn't me! said...

https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/vermont/articles/2019-09-20/jawbone-found-in-searsburg-vermont-police-investigate

For the record, I have never buried a body there.

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