Field of Schemes: If you hype it, they will watch...

 

WARNING... WARNING... WARNING...

THE NATIONAL BULLSHIT SERVICE HAS ISSUED A SEVERE BULLSHIT WATCH 
FOR THE FOLLOWING 50 U.S. STATES AND TERRITORIES. 
TONIGHT, THERE IS A SEVERE CHANCE OF CATAGORY 4
SHIT STORMS AND CRAPOLA TORNADOS BLOWING ACROSS THE NATION...

"Go the distance..."   

That's what the ghost said, right? Go the distance...  Yeah, right.
This, in a game where bullpen starters will throw two innings, 
if they're lucky.

It's taken about 100 years, but hey, everybody, we finally did it: 

We've gaslighted the entirety of baseball, stuffed it into a movie set, and
tonight - on Fox, of course - America will hold a massive pageant of crapola, 
pretending that a cutthroat industry is merely a pastime of love and rural 
values, because a long time ago, Hollywood made a film, saying so.

At last, we've found our strategy to defeat global warming, pandemics, 
economic catastrophes and political terrorism: Pretend it's a movie 
and that everything is okay. Look, there's magic in that cornfield,
where old-fashioned virtues remain, where souls are resurrected,
and where everybody has a gun. 

The Field of Dreams game. 

How did we lose our fucking minds?

And the Yankees are part of this? Shame on us.

Baseball has spawned 1,000 movies, practically all of which end with the winning 
run on third, but until now, none produced such a tornado of hype.

What's especially galling is that MLB once actually did dedicate one game 
each year to its small town, agrarian roots. The Hall of Fame Game 
in Cooperstown was played every summer at Doubleday Field, 
a picture perfect ballpark nestled into a rural community.

In 2008, MLB pulled the plug on the Hall of Fame game, apparently because 
it wasn't generating interest money. Keep in mind, it was an exhibition game 
played in the middle of the season, which meant no teams wanted to play it. 

So, they killed it. Ever since, MLB has sought a new con. And tonight, 
the Yankees play in this... well... monstrosity is the word that comes
to mind...  a game dedicated to selling baseball's version of The Big Lie.

The pushing of swag.

Once upon a time, a human ATM wannabe named Bud Selig came up with a
plan to help raise revenues for his beloved game. For one weekend, he sought to put Spider-Man II logos on the bases and home plate.  I am not
making this up. MLB wanted ads on home plate.

That day, George Steinbrenner - a man with many negatives - said
no. In his finest hour of life, old George refused to allow his Yankees
to take part in such a scheme. Within hours, all of baseball joined him. Nobody has ever since sold ads on the bases. (Though I suspect we'll get there.) 

Tonight, the Yankees will play themselves in a movie, dedicated to pretending that a trillion dollar industry is merely a sandlot game played by fathers and sons, as seen on TV. Thanks to the miracle of Hollywood,

we will pretend the game still has its virginity. The Fox announcers
will make pretty speeches, the cameras will shoot pretty sunsets, and
the players will wear less groin-hugging pants. 

Next year, another Spiderman movie will be coming. Won't it be time?