Wednesday, August 11, 2021

HoraceClarke66: Yankees to Play in Field of Dreams Game Tomorrow

 From the infinite cornfields of HoraceClarke66...


Children of the Corn—time to do your stuff!

We would never presume to advise you on who you should choose for your dreadful Satanic sacrifices. But if you’ll notice, Giancarlo Stanton is moving awfully slow these days. 

Just saying.

 I think I speak for all of us here at IIHIIFIIC when I say that we’d be quite willing to trade in the whole lot. Just give us James Earl Jones and Burt Lancaster in return. 

 Hell, we’d even take the Chicago Black Sox. After all, they just wanted to make some decent folding money, and not even Food Stamps Hal approached Charles Comiskey, “the Old Roman,” when it came to being a tightwad.  

 Columbia Eddie Collins, Shoeless Joe Jackson, Cracker Schalk—even Chick Gandil, the chief fixer himself. Could he really play a worse first base than Luke Voit, even if he were trying to lose the game?

 I know, I know. Their shortstop, Swede Risberg, had an OPS of only .662. But The Gleyber’s OPS is just .679, and supposedly he’s trying to win. Plus the guy’s named Swede! Also they have a Buck, a Shano, a Happy, and a Nemo.

 They have an outfielder named Nemo!  

 And that pitching staff! I don’t care if it was the dead ball era, 88 complete games is 88 complete games. 

 Really, we’ll take ’em. We’ll reform ’em. It will be easier than trying to teach the current crop to care. 

 Oh, and one more thing? We’re trying to arrange a special, pre-game tour of the corn for our general manager, Brian Cashman. Would you look into that, please?


We think he’d fit in real well with your organization.

38 comments:

DickAllen said...


Fuck. Right now I'd take the cast of Mayberry RFD. Aunt Bee included.

DickAllen said...


Double FUCK!!!

Hanky starting tomorrow against Lance Lynn - THAT Lance Lynn? He of the 10-3 2.07 ERA? The same Lance Lynn that once wore pinstripes? What did he do: sell his soul to the devil?

Instead of this being the FOD game, it might turn out to be the CornHole game. As in, the Yankees taking it up the corn hole.

ranger_lp said...

Good news…Stanton has the day off…

manx said...

One more bad one they'll be loaded up.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Judge pops out. Oh, right, there were two men on base!

Currently he's at 100 games, 53 RBI. I realize that he often bats second and the Yanks get few men on base. But this is ridiculous.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Vazquez—another great find.

But hey, Cone said it was a big hop. Can't expect to stop those in the majors.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Boy I hate watching Luetge work.

DickAllen said...

Oh, no! Are the Yankees playing AGAIN?!?!?

Why??????

HoraceClarke66 said...

The Yankees injuries are just beyond belief now. How the hell does Gio tweak a gonad—while out with Covid?

I don't consider this even faintly a good faith effort to stay able to play.

HoraceClarke66 said...

And yes, they are playing again, Dick.

Even though—get this—it's hot out.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Incredible to see how unable the Yankees are to deal with a team—even a bad team—that is alert, fast, and insists on forcing the action.

Stolen bases, balks, errors. They are completely rattled.

Did Boone think to address this at all in his pre-game meetings?

ranger_lp said...

Dick Lovelady sighting…

Anonymous Bosch said...

What's his walk-up music? "Lay, Lady, Lay"? "Love to Love You Baby"?

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Another out by Gardy trying to stretch it to 3rd, WTH????

Heeheeheee, Dick LoveLady in da House!

HoraceClarke66 said...

Lovelady! "And he pitches just like a little girl."

But still got Joey Gallo, of course.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Sadly, Gardy is just not a major-league player anymore.

HoraceClarke66 said...

David Cone tells us that "The wheels are spinning in the Yankee dugout."

Sadly, they are not.

ranger_lp said...

Forgot to post the Yankee roster moves today...

08/11/21 New York Yankees placed RHP Clay Holmes on the 10-day injured list.
08/11/21 New York Yankees recalled RHP Brooks Kriske from Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders.

Clay Holmes is on the COVID list...

HoraceClarke66 said...

And Velazquez over slides the bag. And appears to be injured.

The boy is a wonder.

JM said...

There are so many guys on the Covid list and then the injuries--Gio, Torres, German, Sevvy. The reason they're having trouble with a tomato can is that this is far from the real team. Scrubs and guys out of position sometimes. Cole, Monty, German out. The first two are coming back soon.

We've been decimated. I can't criticize how they're playing too much. This is a very compromised team.

DickAllen said...


I don't know what this means, but Wade is batting higher than all but two of the current starting nine.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

You've got a very good point JM, sheesh!

JM said...

Odor stunk on an easy double play.

DickAllen said...

thank the gods that shit show is over

JM said...

Britton gets another double play grounder, this one executed.

TheWinWarblist said...

DickAllen, Carl J, I'm taking 23 wins if it's still open. We're outta tomato cans and have to play contenders now. And these Yankees are not contenders. And apparently they are still having the ridiculous lick as many public toilet seats as possible contest. I also assume, that in addition to COVID, they have all of them caught multiple different types and strains of the clap.

23 wins. Such fuckers.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Winnie..you and Jack Reed are the only 2 entries so far but I don't think most saw Dick and I discussing it yesterday.

Could you announce it again? I said 30 but Dick and I are excluded from winning as we are giving away the 2 cases of beer/Sam Adams-Dogfish potables.

ranger_lp said...

Another move...

08/11/21 New York Yankees activated RHP Clarke Schmidt.
08/11/21 New York Yankees optioned RHP Clarke Schmidt to Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Hey Guys, I'll be generous and predict 25 wins, fuckers INDEED!

JM said...

What is this? Number of wins in remaining games?

I'll say 32.

DickAllen said...

JM, the correct # of wins will get the winner two cases of suds (of the alcoholic variety).

JM said...

I'll donate them to charity if I win.

Carl J. Weitz said...

LOL. What charity accepts booze?

We just need someone to keep score.

Carl J. Weitz said...

If Duque keeps score( he's good at that) I'll donate a case of Sam Adams product to him. He might need it after the season ends.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Since Ken already has 25, I'll go with 24.

DickAllen said...

Carl, we may have to consider logistics: sending several cases of beer through the mail might not only be difficult and expensive, it might even be somewhat illegal (not that I’m against that).

Any ideas how we can make the prize deliverable?

Carl J. Weitz said...

Yes, Dick. The winners select a liquor store and we purchase over the phone. Perhaps via gift card.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Or perhaps at a national chain such as Total Wine.