Virtual Baseball: Yanks (Sigh) Come Back Again, Beat A's as Starter Again Dissolves.

This is from HoraceClarke66...

J.A. Happ turned in yet another desultory start for the Yankees' fading starting staff today, falling behind the Oakland Beaneballs by 6-3 in the fourth inning.  

All that was left was...the hitting.  A grand slam home run by Aaron Hicks led the comeback, on an afternoon in which Mike Tauchman, the revived Giancarlo Stanton, and Clint Frazier all slammed roundtrippers, for a 9-8 win.  Reliever Chad Green got credit for the W, while Aroldis "Cool Hand" Chapman got the save.

The win brought the Bombers to within one game of the frontrunning TB Rays.  But the question remains of whether the Yankees have enough pitching to get through the remaining 44 games of the season, despite the sparkling hitting that has brought their record to 81-37.  

"We're comin' in on a wing and prayer.  It'll be dead cats and brickbats all the way to the end," said manager Ma Boone, who confessed to having watched several hours of World War II movies the night before.  "But if we keep a cool head, if we do a gut check and come up with all our intestines in place, why then we might just make it!"

The same old Yankees, with their same old problems

Well, well, well, it looks like you can predict baseball, Suzyn. At least, when the Yankees are playing in Tampa...

In losing three of four this weekend, the team adhered to strict mathematical probabilities, as it has done in recent years when visiting its winter home. How did they lose thee? Let us count the ways.

1. In each loss, no HRs. 

It's sad but simple: For all their power, the Yankees cannot score the old-fashioned way, by moving runners base to base. Yesterday, Aaron Judge went 0-5, leaving five. Not to pick on Judge - our MVP thus far - but he symbolizes the malady. Regardless of the situation, he takes long, looping home run cuts. Only two Yankees - DJ LeMahieu and Mike Tauchman - seem capable of adjusting to a pitcher, and that is cause for concern.

This problem gets overlooked when the Death Star bludgeons a weak staff, as it did with Baltimore and Boston. But against solid pitching, this inability to manufacture a run will eventually kill our chances. Yesterday, they loaded the bases in the first with one out - then were lucky to score one run when Mike Ford was hit by a pitch. Disastrous.

2. Bad decisions by Aaron Boone. 

Who thought it was a good idea to play Giancarlo twice in a doubleheader? Now, he is once again an afterthought, perhaps for the season. 

And yesterday, what was Boonie thinking by leaving James Paxton to pitch the seventh? The guy had thrown six shutout innings, his first solid outing of 2020, and he needed it under his belt. The bullpen was ready. It was time to seal the deal. Boone wanted more, even after a double and a home run. Disastrous.

3. Like grease through a goose, key pitches slide through Gary Sanchez. I'm ready to start calling him "Castor Oil."  

In the ninth, Zack Britton uncorked a wild pitch, moving the winning run into scoring position. It was on Britton, no question. But yeesh, in critical situations, great catchers block those balls. Sanchez waves at them, as he's done throughout his career. He always will. He has become Matt Nokes - a lousy catcher, who runs into mistake pitches, but who is not enough of a glove or a hitter to play 1B. 

Why are we still doing this? Well, one reason might be that the Yankees have Sanchez relatively cheap: A one-year contract at $5 million. He doesn't become a free agent until 2023. But he's not improving, and before Kyle Higashioka strained his gut, you could almost sense the Yankees were ready to move on. 

For the last three years, we have made catches our top draft picks, and spent gobs on 16-year-old Latino backstops. Without the minors, we can't tell how they are progressing. I don't even think any were ready for Double A. But Sanchez is looking like a lost cause. He really needs to step up. 

"Dear Brian: I hope you will read this condolence note in the spirit in which it is intended..."

(This was written by HoraceClarke66, whose computer is off partying like a beast at Sturgis.) 

I can't tell you how sad I was to see that Giancarlo Stanton is injured again.  Who knew?  I did—

but I kid, I kid.

Seriously, who would ever have put the over/under on Giancarlo's home run total for three years

at 43? Besides me, I mean?  Kidding, totally kidding!  Actually, I had 42, so the joke's on me, huh?

Really, after reading Inside the Empire, that book you did with Bob Klapisch and Paul Solotaroff—by

the way, are there any ethics left in journalism anymore?  Just wondering—it made me see how

badly you took me to the cleaners.

I mean it.  Around the pool yesterday, Tommy and Gisele were trying to tell me that somebody who's

a real master at running a baseball team like the book says you are, doesn't go out and brag about some mark he's taken.  But I told them you were right.  

What's happened with Giancarlo—well, that's pure bad luck.  What in his career with the Marlins could possibly have indicated that he couldn't stay on the field?  I mean, besides the 40 games a year he averaged on the injured list?

Hey, I'll never forget that day that you made sure was in the book, too.  About how during our last 

negotiation, when you said that you weren't going to pay me for past performance or popularity.  

Sometimes, you know, the past can tell you something about the future.  But then, you also made

sure to get in how you told me that if I didn't like it, you could replace me with Troy Tulowitski.

Troy Tulowitski.  You know, me and Hannah still crack up about that sometimes.  It won't take much.

Just over a meal or something, one of us will say, "Tulo," and we're both on the floor.

But yeah, bad luck with Giancarlo.  I remember when he hit that home run in the ALCS with a hammy strain, or whatever it was he had, maybe a bloody nose, and then he said he couldn't go.  But he wouldn't get off the roster.  

Geeze, I remember playing in a couple World Series where I stayed in even though I thought I'd broken my ankle.  Then I did break my ankle, against Detroit in the ALCS, and I didn't stay in because I couldn't stand up.  

But I digress.  I just remember Tommy calling me up during the Houston ALCS last year and saying, "It's like Vince Lombardi used to say:  'Sometimes you gotta not play with the small hurts but make you keep taking up a roster spot."  Oh, we laughed and laughed.  And then this spring, I saw Stanton was getting ready for the season by bench-pressing Adriana Lima.  Yeah, I remember when I used to pump Adriana Lima—but hey, I'm a married man now.

Yep, I'm a married man who lives in a huge mansion by the sea.  With his supermodel wife, and his best friend, America's quarterback, and his supermodel wife.  And that half-a-billion dollars or so I have kicking around somewhere.

Some people might think, you don't mess around with somebody who came up from nothing to where I am now. But I remember how your co-authors said you came from nothing, too, and the only help you got was "a family connection that got you an internship."  Which is to say, your father used to sell thoroughbreds to George Steinbrenner.

Anyhoo, gotta get back to work.  Just wanted to say that I hope Giancarlo's okay.  Of course, with the injury now, that means he won't be opting out after this season.  You got him for, what, another eight years?  Huh.  Well, look at the bright side:  who says you'll be around that long?

Your friend the past performer,

Derek

Virtual Baseball: Cole Train Back on Track, Runs Down A's Like So Many Disoriented Sheep

(Say it with me: WRITTEN BY HORACECLARKE66!)

Virtual Gerrit Cole was in true, midseason form today, shutting down the Oakland Moneyballers, 11-0, with seven, two-hit inning of classic Cole Train.  

Meanwhile, the Yanks made Oakland starter Mike "The Squealer" Fiers follow the bouncing ball around the Stadium. A trio of doubles by The Gleyber, home runs by Gio Urshela and Mike Ford, and a long, bases-loaded triple by Aaron Hicks brought the New York team across the finish line a proper lather.

Many Americans, though, were likely distracted by the campaign rallies held around the country, and the growing scandal over just who is driving the Wall Street boom, and why.  

Third-party pick Jesse Ventura said that he would like to put Wall Street in a headlock, "and just pound and pound and pound," while President Donald Trump, speaking before a cheering crowd at his New Jersey country club,  shrugged, "Russians, Shmussians, it's still money, ain't it?"  

Unpopular Democratic candidate Joe Biden, meanwhile, warned voters that a safer place to put their money would be "in a mattress, or maybe bury in a tin box up behind the old abandoned Flynn place, under a really spooky  weeping willow.  Sure, that's the ticket!"

So much for that: Stanton has tweaked something

Last year, Giancarlo Stanton played all of 18 games. 

Let the time capsules show that in the year of 2020, he lasted 15.

Last night, galloping to second, Giancarlo tweaked a gonad, or a hammy, or some million dollar whatever - seriously, the man is made of bamboo - and today he will return to MLB's Injured List, where he presumably has enough provisions to ride out the pandemic

So continues the Yankee misery index, which exploded last year in an unprecedented wave of malfunctioning muscle, bone and gristle. I don't need to relive the carnage. You all saw it. Player after player went down, long after we stopped attributing it to bad luck, or suspect Golden Coral buffets. Over the winter, fair or not, the Yankees cleaned house in their training staff - the notion being that the franchise could not withstand another fractured year like 2019, and even if it wasn't their fault, somebody had to ride the rail.

After Aaron Hicks, Aaron Judge and James Paxton checked out early in spring training, we stepped back onto the merry-go-round. The season's cancellation seemed to work in our favor: All three were ready by opening day. Maybe - just maybe - we had put the demon behind us.

So much for that. Stanton is the first everyday starter to go down, and the second Yankee (Kyle Higashioka on Thursday) this week. As usual, because of the Yankees propensity to lie about injuries, there is no way to discern how long either player will be out. The IIHIIFIIc manual says to take the Yankees stated expectation - which likely will be made today - and double it.

If Stanton is expected to miss a month, well, forget about him. 

So it goes. It is what it is. Hey, whaddayagonnado? Last summer, deep in the doldrums, I began to view every Stanton appearance as a one-off practical joke being played by Fate. At any time, in any situation, he could pull up lame and disappear - poof - never to return in his mortal, physical presence. He's simply a payout that Hal Steinbrenner will make annually for the rest of our lives, and neither Hal nor we will ever go hungry. We traded for the player and, instead, got his contract. Happens all the time. It just seems, though, that the Yankees do this over and over, every time thinking that they just pulled something over on the rest of baseball, when all they did was fool themselves.

So, what now? Fortunately, we have options - most notably Clint Frazier and Miguel Andujar. Unfortunately, we have no minor league system, which would have kept the pair in game shape. Without a spy in Scranton, where the Yankees presumably have everyone working out, while keeping social-distancing, we don't know what mental and physical condition either player is in. Certainly, Andujar should be ready - he only recently was sent down - but you never know. 

And here's the reality, folks: That injury wave - that cruel, continuing twist of fate - it's not going away. It wasn't the gods that are bringing this tweaks. It's the china dolls who are prone to them, and the Yankees have a boat-full. So long, Gio. See you next year. Who knows, could we see 20 games?

Virtual baseball: A's Ace Monty, Hold On to Top Yanks, 9-7. Questions Grow About Markets.

(HoraceClarke66's computer tested positive, so Duque and I have been posting his compositions. In a gross display of incompetence, we neglected to post his August 5 virtual gamer until this morning. You can read it here. Below is his deadline reporting on last night's contest.)

Jordan Montgomery was thrashed like a musty old carpet tonight, as the Oakland Athletics shot out to a 9-3

lead and held on to win despite home runs by Aaron Judge, Giancarlo Stanton, and Gleyber Torres.  The loss dropped the Bombers two games behind the TB Rays.  Again.

Meanwhile new revelations continued to rock Wall Street about the firms driving the unprecedented Trump Boom.  Along with the likes of KozyBear.com and Compromozidat.com, reports are now circulating that firms such as BorisNatasha Inc., and MooznSquirrelCorp are also under investigation.

The news is not expected to help unpopular Democratic candidate Joe Biden, although his ranking in the polls has now improved to 11 percent.

April, 1936: DiMaggio, Dickey Sent Down. Yanks Promote Jumbo Brown, Kemp Wicker.

(Written by HoraceClarke666)

 

Yankees' general manager Ed Barrow announced today that new center fielder Joe DiMaggio and catcher

Bill Dickey would be sent down to the Newark Bears, so the team could bring up pitchers Jumbo Brown andKemp Wicker.  

"DiMaggio will be a fine player for us—one day.  But he's injured again, and what he really needs right now is to get some International League at-bats," Barrow told reporters. "And Dickey has had some

fine seasons. But he had an off-year in 1935, and he's been bit by the injury bug of late, too.  I think both

these players could do with some steady playing time."

In their stead, the Yanks announced they have called up pitchers Jumbo Brown and Kemp Wicker.  Barrow reminded reporters that Brown had won six games for the Bombers last year, including a shutout.  He is convinced that Brown has his weight problem under control.

"I am confident that he now weighs less than 300 pounds," said Barrow.

Wicker, though a rookie, is already a canny veteran at 29, and Barrow is hopeful that he can give the Yanks' staff some badly needed innings.

"Look, bottom line, in today's game we need pitching," said Barrow.  "And don't forget, we've got Myril Hoag to play center, and Arndt Jorgens is a terrific catcher.  We'll be fine."

Gyahhhhh. Did that loss hurt, or what?

In baseball, it's not cricket to pile a loss on one player. Remember: There is no "I" in "debacle." You play together, party together, test positive together and then quarantine in the hotel together. Still, it's hard not to pin last night's horror show loss on the comedy team of Sanchez & Ottavino.

Sherman, set the Wayback to Aug. 7, 2020, bottom of the eighth, shortly after Gary Sanchez has fanned with the bases loaded, killing our best scoring op of the night:

In comes the ever-serviceable, hipster Brooklynite, Adam Ottavino. He walks the lead off Ray, walks him to second, wild pitches him to third - (one of those passed ball/wild pitch hybrids for which Sanchez is renowned) - and scores him with a long fly. The Rays win with small ball, while the Yankees waste another night trying to blast holes in the dome. Does anybody anymore teach the art of making contact?

And so we lost a winnable game. No big deal, I guess, with 48 left to play. Still, our lineup is starting to resemble a mine field, cratered with sluggers who have yet to show up. Why Aaron Hicks bats third demands a podcast. Gleyber Torres can't seem to get started. Giancarlo Stanton is drifting. And Sanchez continues to flail, offensively and defensively. At this point, Aaron Boone - the dugout Prometheus - has little choice but to play Sanchez and hope for a miraculous improvement. But sands are running out on "The Kraken." Come November, it's quite likely that Cooperstown Cashman's first mission will be to find a catcher. We cannot go on this way. Look, look, LOOK at this horror show...

Acoupla things: 

1) We can obsess over those miserable Yankee BAs, but the Rays - five players below .200 - aren't exactly the Big Red Machine.

2. One bright spot is Luis Cessa, with two scoreless innings. Another botched start by Happ or Paxton, and Cessa will probably get the call. Thus far in his Yankee tenure, Cessa has never put it together. But as Chaz Roe showed last night, in this stone soup of a season, anything can happen.

3. Mike Tauchman continues to deliver. Boone must keep him in the lineup.  

4. For inexplicable reasons, I'm more roused by Mike Ford than Luke Voit. Ford takes great swings and doesn't waste them on pitches in the dirt. The fences just seem to be moving out on Voit. Maybe it's just me.

The Yankees have now lost three of four. Normally, a botched series opener on the second weekend of the season would matter less than a photo of drunk Jerry Falwell Jr. with his pants down. But this year is different. This year has only nine weekends, and one might have just slipped out of Sanchez's mitt. Today, we play two. Is it too early to panic?

Here it is: The first honest-to-goodness, important weekend series of 2020

 

Virtual Baseball: Tanaka Stops the Athletics! Gaffes Fly On the Campaign Trail!

(HoraceClarke66's Tandy TRS-80 is at Radio Shack for repairs. He wrote this latest installment of Virtual Baseball in longhand, and I transcribed & posted it using Web TV.)

Virtual Masahiro Tanaka turned in another gritty effort tonight, holding the Athletics at least enough in

check for his Yankees teammates to successfully pummel the Bay Area bashers, beating Oakland by

9-5.  

Miguel Andujar, Mike Ford, and Gio Urshela contributed home runs from the Yankees, who never trailed

in the game.

The evening had a special resonance for Tanaka, as Yankees' caudillo Hal Steinbrenner decided to 

commemorate the 75th anniversary of the atomic bomb attack on Hiroshima.  The decision by the 

Yankees to celebrate the day as "the culmination of an amazing feat of American science and 

technology" was criticized in many places, though it was defended by President Trump in an executive

tweet from a secure location.

"What, what's wrong with saying that?  The science WAS very hard, very very very difficult science,"

went the executive message.  "That's why I'm renewing my call for the Dept. of Energy to investigate

how we can use A-bombs to stop hurricanes, and maybe redirect them to Cuba or France."

Meanwhile, his opposite number on the campaign trail, Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden,

remarked that nefarious activity by foreign nationals was threatening the Great Boom on Wall Street—

where the Dow hit 70,000 earlier this week.

"What most Americans are interesting in is just having enough to eat in the ice box, and the folding money

to buy a few records for the Victrola," Biden said, "And if I'm elected I'll see that that is the case again."

Requiem for a Middleweight: HoraceClarke66 on the real Horace Clarke

(Submitted on behalf of HoraceClarke66, whose computer remains in 2016.)

It's been a tough year for losses here in New York. One of the biggest, of course, was the great Pete Hamill, a wonderful writer, an all-around mensch, and someone who loved the city like few others. He was a giant, who will not be replaced.

It would be ridiculous to ever compare Horace Clarke to Hamill, of course. But he was also a New Yorker who seemed to embody a certain era in the city's era, and all in all a real pro, who took a lot and let it roll off his back.

There have been few knocks more unfair in sports than to make Clarke the face of the Yankees' decline in "the Horace Clarke years." Was he a great talent?  No.  He walked too infrequently to be a leadoff man today, he hit with little power, and of course he had to follow in the footsteps of Yankees great Bobby Richardson.  

Take any stat you want, old or new, to compare them, and you'll see right away that Horace Clarke is no Bobby Richardson. In fact, he's better.

Don't believe me?  You could look it up, as Casey Stengel would say.

Think Horace was unsuited to be a lead-off hitter?  The real question is how Richardson managed to hit ahead of Mantle, Maris, and Howard, and never score 100 runs in a season.  If Clarke didn't walk enough, he still drew over a hundred more bases-on-balls than Bobby did—in 140 fewer games.  

Neither man hit for power, and Richardson's average was a little better, .266 with a .634 OPS, to Horace's .256 and .621 OPS—though Clarke played in more of a pitcher's era.  Also, he stole bases.  Bobby swiped 73, and got thrown out 48 times. Horace stole 151, and only got caught 58 times.

But it's in the field that Horace really surprises. He led the AL in assists a record 6 years in a row, in putouts 4 years in a row, in double-plays twice, in range factor 4 times, in fielding percentage, once.  Richardson, winner of 5 Gold Gloves, led in DPs 4 times, in putouts twice — and never in any of those other categories.

According to Baseball Reference's WAR calculations, Horace leads Bobby in hitting WAR, 14.1-8.2, AND in fielding WAR, 6.2-4.9.  

Now, I'll be the first to argue, as I have in this space, that fielding is ultimately too difficult to pin down in stats, and that WAR is very flawed.  But the figures show that at least Horace represented.

So why the bad rap?  Well, to begin with, Horace Clarke had a funny name, he looked and moved a little funny — especially to white sportswriters—and he insisted on doing eccentric things, such as staying in the once-grand Concourse Plaza Hotel even as it was turning into a welfare hotel.

Also, his teammates threw him under the bus. To read Philip Bashe's excellent book, "Dog Days," about the 1965-75 Yankees, you'd think that Horace Clarke personally cost that team a half-dozen World Series.  A bunch of pitchers talk about how he was so wooden in the field, or wouldn't stand in on double-plays.

Considering the facts that a) Yankees pitchers of that time gave up very few runs, and that b) Horace constantly led the league in major defensive categories, I'm not sure what they wanted him to do. Run out to right field and haul fly balls back from over the fence, maybe?

Oh, also Curt Blefary basically calls him a coward for not standing in enough at second.  How many times Curt, one of the worst ballplayers I ever saw, managed to get to second base, is anybody's guess.

I followed those Yankees teams in painstaking detail at the time, and I can tell you there were many worse players on them than Horace Clarke:  Charlie Smith, Jerry Kenney, Jake Gibbs. Curt Blefary.  

And something else?  Most of those teams weren't that bad.  After 1967, they usually had a winning record. They just didn't go to the World Series every year, like Bobby Richardson's did—and where Bobby, to his infinite credit, had some great Octobers.

As for Horace Clarke, he was always hustling, always doing the little things.  In one remarkable stretch, from June 4th to July 2nd, 1969, he broke up no-hitters by 4 different pitchers in the 9th inning — something else that should tell us about the giants Horace was surrounded by. I was in the stands for one of them, in Fenway Park, when he singled off Sonny Siebert. I was happy to see it. I was happy for what Horace Clarke gave us.

R.I.P. Horace Clarke

 

For the record, he was never the problem.  

The Yankees soon will have to decide if 2020 is worth trading away their future

After two weeks - nearly two spins of the rotation - one horrifying iceberg has been spotted on the Yankee horizon, threatening the 2020 season.

COVID, you say?

Nope. Worse than that. Starting pitching.  

Aside from Gerrit Cole - who has, himself, struggled at times - the Death Star thus far has offered a zombie rotation, with nobody able to throw five decent innings, and most barely reaching the third. Our lineup might hit its way into the expanded wild card race - where every child gets a gold star, just for showing up! - but let's not kid ourselves: Even in a 60-game wisp of a-season, without quality starters, this team is creamed corn. 

The meltdowns of J.A. Happ, James Paxton and now Jordan Montgomery - (Masahiro Tanaka goes tonight; we'll see) - imperil the season. For now, there is one viable replacement: Clarke Schmidt, currently diddling around in Scranton. Let's hope he's ready. 

In a normal time, Cooperstown Cashman would be on Zoom, dangling prospects like Schmidt for the next Happ or Paxton, seeking to win now and sweat the future later. He'd have two major trade chips: Clint Frazier and Miguel Andujar, both hiding out in the foot heels of the Endless Mountains, (a range so-named because it doesn't end in Pennsylvania.) Each could be a future impact player. Each could bring the Yankees another Lance Lynn or Vidal Nuno - a middling salary dump from a payroll-cutting franchise, on his way to free agency next December.  

Which raises a question that will torment us over the next three weeks: Is this pandemic-affected, asterisk of a mini-season worth chasing, if it means giving up future prospects? 

My vote: HELL FUKKING NO. 

Two weeks into this bizarre season, it's still a coin flip as to whether there will be playoffs. At any moment, a COVID outbreak could crush the league, and the last thing we need is the final month of some big, fat, greasy slob's big, fat, greasy contract - Sidney Ponson, where are you? - while Red Thunder gets fitted for a Royals jersey. 

This year, two weeks equals a whole month. The Sept. 1 trade deadline already looms like a broken rope bridge. Let's hope the Yankees hold the line: No prospects for salary dumps, not this year. It will soon be time to pull the plug on under-performing starters. Mr. Schmidt, where are you?

Yanks ditch Miggy

BREAKING HORROR: 

To shrink their roster to 28, the Death Star is disappearing Miguel Andujar, Thairo Estrada and Nick Nelson. They'll head to Scranton to - I dunno - to do whatever vanished human beings do in Scranton, like go carousing in Wilkes Bare.  

As a backup to backup Tyler Wade, Estrada wasn't seeing game time. He was sure to go. 

A surprise in the early going, Nelson was undressed, defrocked and be-diddled by the Phillies yesterday. By the time he was pulled, his bus ticket had been purchased. 

But Miggy? WTF? How can they do this to Miggy? Apparently, the Yanks are screwing the guy, contractually.  

Yanks Go Ugly

Too many Yankees are playing as though they are in the wrong sport.  I am with Duque who says it is already getting late early, and it is time for change.

1.  Gary Sanchez is at the top of the list.  Just start Kyle.  He actually can put the ball in play. 

2.  Super star Torres isn't hitting as well as Tyler Wade, who is a superior defender.

3.  Hicks is playing as if he had Tommy Brain surgery.  And Tauchman is making a difference, game after game with limited time. 

4. Andujar might as well be rooming with Domingo German, given his level of contribution.  He did make a nice fielding play on a "hot " grounder, then nearly let the runner beat it out as he triple pumped his throw to first. 

5.  Mike Ford can't buy a hit or a call.

6.  Happ should be sent away.  We don't need to expect any kind of return. 

7.  Paxton should try to learn an everyday position. Or is he saving himself for the playoffs?

8.  Nick Nelson can go home now, and share his one major league win with his grand-children ( once he has a few ).

9.  Lauisiaga needs 50 pitches to get through the first inning.  Looks like a non-starter to me. 

10.  Schmidt is the starter they should activate....not Mike King.  Jesus, are they blind?

If the Yankees want to win games, they can't go on sentiment or dreams of " what could be."  They have to make choices based upon performance. 

It is not easy saying all of this, given their record so far.  But it is the truth. 

Nick Swisher is trending on Twitter

All because of Ozzie Guillen.

I am not making this up.

Virtual Baseball: Pale Hose Happy to Get Away as Higgy Smashes Them to Sub-Atomic Particles!

(Written on a napkin by Horace Clarke666, whose computer has moved to the Hebrew Home at Riverdale. It's just like a college campus!)

Today's Virtual Getaway Wednesday ended in yet another Yankees series victory, as starter Clarke Schmidt returned to the hill to triumph in a pitchers' duel against Chicago starter Gio Gonzalez, 3-2.

Home runs by Nicky "The Maitre'd" Delmonico and Tim Anderson gave the White Outs an early lead, with the Yankees able only to muster an opposite field roundtripper by The General, D.J. LeMahieu.  But in the seventh, LeMahieu beat out a bunt and Yankees back-up catcher Kyle Higashioka smacked a ball off the foul pole in left to win the game.  Closer Cool Hand Chapman pitched a 1-2-3 ninth to walk away with the save.

Yet another bunt by the Yankees further enraged Commissioner Rob Manfredmann, who called the team, "the bad boys of baseball."  

"Hey, we play by our own rules," said Schmidt, who struck out nine in his seven innings of work.  "I mean, that is, as long as they're written down in the major-league rule book and everything."

Meanwhile, in other news Democratic House members clamored for an investigation into just what's behind the unprecedented Wall Street boom.  Media reports indicated that yet another suspicious, online mega-broker, Kompromizidat.com, seems to be in cahoots with KozyBear.com to artificially inflate the market.

The demand was ridiculed by new Trump spokesman Lonn Trost, who told Democrats, "Just what is there about peace and prosperity that you can't abide.  What's the worst case scenario?  A secret Russian intelligence operation is trying to make us all rich and happy?  Why, where I come from, you don't look a gift horse in the mouth!"

Trost later walked back the statement, admitting that where he came from, there were no horses.

In a short season, like a short game, the Yankees cannot sit and wait on under-performing players

It's a sprint, not a marathon...

Damn, I hate that line. It counters everything sacred in baseball. The seven-inning game. The 60-game season. The extra-innings lead-off runner. The vanishing pennant race.

The Death Star has played 11 games - or 18 percent of this abbreviated season. Normally, 18 percent - about 30 games - would put us into May, gearing up for Memorial Day. Cooperstown Cashman would be fine-tuning his roster, scouring the scrap piles for spare Aaron Smalls, and calling up kids from Scranton. We'd still have a month until the All-Star break, when it was time to lard up with contract dump-trades for the final stretch.

But here we are... a measly 11 games in, facing the dog days of August, gearing up for Labor Day. The nights are cooling, the tomatoes reddening, the morgues filling, and the long ago words of Green Day - recalling the catastrophe of Hurricane Katrina - still haunt us: 

Summer has come and passed.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up, when September comes.

Eleven games in, it's later than we think.

If we're going to survive this, it's time for everyone to have a plan. It's time to make changes.

That includes the Yankees. 

Aaron Hicks is hitting .200. Yesterday, he let a lazy pop fly drop in front of him, a screw-up that led to J.A. Happ's self-immolation. It wasn't Hicksy's first botch this year. He looks frozen out there, and his arm - coming off TJ surgery - remains suspect. 

Meanwhile, whenever he gets a chance, Mike Tauchman crushes it. Last night, Tauchman's clutch double - a brilliant, hard-fought at-bat - won the second game. He's hitting .359, (albeit in a small sample.) I'm not saying Hicks should disappear, but the Outfield Atomic Clock needs to start ticking. Over his career, Hicks has shown one great consistency: As soon as he gets hot, he always gets hurt. We can't wait. This isn't May. Until he cools off, Tauchman needs to play... and maybe CF.

Then there is Happ. Following yesterday's debacle, his second straight, the Happster told reporters he's figured out the problem: He walks too many batters. Well, duhhhhhh... he fucking walked in a run! Early last winter, the Yankees were shopping Happ to anybody who would pay his contract. After Luis Severino and James Paxton went down, they congratulated themselves for keeping him. Well, he's showing the same woes as in 2019, a disastrous year. Another bad outing, and it'll be time to pull the plug.

And this post cannot be complete without returning to Paxton. Frankly, I donno what to do. A guy coming off back surgery needs extra time, even if he claims otherwise. Paxton remains above Happ on the depth chart. Moreover, the Yanks have nobody hot in Scranton. (That's a joke; there is no Scranton.) The wonder boy, Deivi Garcia, is a mythological creature, not a real human being. After Paxton, we have - checks roster, throws up - Luis Cessa, Michael King and maybe Mean Chad Green, who has become a valuable bull pen lug nut. But Paxton's fast ball is supposed to hit the mid-90s. It's coming in around 90. That's a problem, and we don't have time to build up arm strength.

It's August, folks. Eleven games in, the stretch run has begun. We'll soon start watching the Magic Number. We're going to Florida, the COVID capital of the world. This is no time to round into shape. We can't wait. We're here.

Virtual Baseball: Paxton Routed, Hurt—What's New?—But Yanks Rally to Top CWS!

Posted on behalf of HoraceClarke66, whose computer has gone the way of James Paxton.

Virtual James Paxton turned in another disappointing effort tonight against the team whose abbreviation is nearly that of a pharmacy chain, but NYY rallied to overcome the Chi Tea Lattes, 7-6.

Paxton was literally driven out of the box today, first by two more, long home runs from a surging Yoan Moncada, and then by a Yasmani Grandal line drive that literally undressed him, much like the balls hit back at Charlie Brown.  No sooner did the Little Sapling have his uniform assembled again, then another line drive by Jose Abreu caused a loud popping sound to emanate from Paxton's kneecap, which it had just hit.

"You are not going to be able to goop that," Clyd Frazier winced in the press box.

It was looking mighty bleak for the New York nine this day, the score stood 5-0, with but five innings left to play.  But home runs by Giancarlo Stanton, Luke Voit, Gleyber Torres, and Aaron Judge brought the Pinstripers storming back, with the help of some excellent relief work from new Yankee call-up Nick Nelson.

Afterwards, manager Ma Boone was relatively sanguine about the indefinite loss of Paxton.

"Well, you knew it was gonna happen sooner or later, the way he pitches.  I mean, the guy's just not good, man."

The Yankee problems are delightful

"Gary Sanchez is a Yankees mess again," shouts today's Rupert. And why not? Fourteen Ks in 27 plate appearances! Passed balls glancing off his glove! Dogs and cats, living together! What will we do? What. Will. We. Do.

"What's eating Gleyber Torres?" asks the ESNY blog, clinging to - can this really be happening? - a movie title from 26 years ago. A "meager" slash line of .179/.258/.286." Only one HR! And how did Leonardo DiCaprio not win the Oscar for best supporting actor! Where. Is. The. Justice.

Yeesh. We must be dead in the water. The other night, we started Tyler Wade, and I've had several sightings of Kyle Higoshioka. What if Gary and Gleyber - you can add Gardy, to make it the three "G"s - crap (or grap) the bed in 2020? Ever since his magical arrival in 2016, we've watched Gary deteriorate. Ever since Didi walked to Phily, we're wondered if Gleyber can play SS. Now, we see them flailing in - drum roll, please - 55 combined plate appearances.

Yep. Fifty-five. 

At a time when the Yankees are 8-1, with baseball's best record. 

I think I speak for the entire Yankiverse in saying, let's try not to panic. Eat clams and carry on. It just might be too soon to break the glass, yank the alarm and start climbing bodies through the smoke, fighting toward the exit. Yes, we lost that one game, and we're still smarting over it, but that's China Town, Jake. Maybe Leo, Johnny and Juliette Lewis can return for a sequel, and this time, the gold statues will flow.

For me, the most hopeful part of this winning streak is the lack of production from: 

Gleyber: 5 for 28, .179
Sanchez: 2 for 25, .080.
Miguel Andujar: 1 for 8, .125
Brett Gardner: 2 for 19, .105
Aaron Hicks: 4 for 22, .182

Sure, you can worry. Feel free. Maybe Gardy is done. Maybe Miggy's rookie season was an acid trip. Sweat away, people! But damn, we've won 8 of 9 with $40 million worth of millstones around our neck, and one of these days - when Goliath I and II cool, the law of random cooties should kick in, and these guys will pick up the slack.

(Not to mention the Scranton-locked Clint Frazier, whom Luis Cessa went out of his way to praise this weekend. Cessa said Frazier is stronger and more determined than ever, and that one of these days...wait... sorry, I just lapsed into ridiculous optimism, which is always a concern when the Yankees are doing well. I hereby take it back.) 

Basically, I'm still burning over that horrible, awful, wretched loss, against DC on the second game of the season. WTF? James Paxton was terrible - now, there's something worth worrying about - Michael King got walloped, and the game was over by the sixth. Next day, we looked hapless for five against Patrick Corbin, and then we started clicking, and it's been rosy, ever since. 

Savor it, folks. Today, we play two. Tomorrow, The Master returns. These might be the best times we'll see in 2020. Enjoy every sandwich. 

Virtual Baseball: Cole Train Derailed! Gleyber Glitch Gives Gift to the ChiSox.

(SUBMITTED ON BEHALF OF HORACECLARKE66'S COMPUTER. GET WELL SOON.

Gerrit Cole suffered a rare loss tonight as the Yanks returned to Virtual Yankee Stadium.  Cole pitched well enough, striking out 10 and allowing only four hits.  But with one out in the seventh, a grounder to short by catcher Yasmani Rice Grandal that looked like a sure double-play ball was booted into right field by Torres.

Yoan Moncada, the young infielder whose services the Yanks were juuuust beaten out for, then launched a rocket into the upper deck in left field.

Moncada's Space X blast turned a 3-1 Yankees lead into a 4-3 advantage for the Pale Hose, and the Chalky Stockings then added another pair off Yankees reliever Luis Cessa on a long home run by Jose Abreu, the longtime first baseman of the Milky Footwear.

The Yanks tried to rally, on home runs by Mike Ford and Gio Urshela, who had already homered earlier, but a magnificent stab of a Miguel Andujar line drive at third by Moncada, snuffed out the insurrection, and the Snowy Toe Warmers held on for a 6-5 win.  

Afterwards, Torres swore that he would try never to make an error again. 

Tonight's opponent: The hurricane

Damn! These juju gods, they never let up. 

Tonight's game has been scrubbed because some "scientists" claim a storm is coming, based on their "models." Since when do we care about "models?" As a great man once said, "The professionals did the models, and I was never involved in a model. At least this kind of a model." I say, play. dammit. A few sprinkles never hurt nobody. 

We don't need no stinkin' hurricane. Beyond the floods and tornadoes, it brings the most frightening threat of all: an idle night for our restless heroes. It means a hotel bar full of bosomy autograph hounds, rude traveling marshmallow salesmen and maybe a COVID super-spreader. The 2020 champions will be the team with the most discipline, the most commitment to avoiding risk, and - quite possibly - the fewest free nights.  

Besides, we're only nine games into 2020. Who needs a rest! Already, Gary Sanchez has been spelled several times. Same with Gardy, Aaron Hicks, Luke Voit and Gleyber Torres, who took last night off, thanks to Tyler Wade. 

Which brings us to the current MLB world standings.

Fun fact: Thanks to COVID, Miami remains in contention, with a .667 winning percentage. In theory, if they never play another regular season game, they'll qualify for the Wild Card. 

Some idle stats... 

In the MLB statistical top 25 of OPS, the Yankees have three players - Aaron Judge (4th), Gio Urshela (23rd) and Giancarlo Stanton (24th). Also in that group is Didi Gregorius (12th), who came within an eyelash last night of homering, when his upper-deck shot kicked foul. I speak for the Yankiverse in wishing Sir Didi well, and thanking him for pulling that ball just a tad too far. 

Judge is tied with Nelson Cruz for the MLB lead in RBIs. (Gio tied for eighth.) He also leads the world in HRs. If you doom-scroll on the interweb today, you'll find a bunch of stories praising him with the usual narrative: He was supposed to miss the first half of the season, and now look. Of course, we're happy for him - he remains the face of the franchise - but it's a long season. (Wait, no. Check that. It's NOT a long season. He's already hit the equivalent of 15 HRs.)  

In overall hitting, Robbie Cano is tied with DJ LeMahieu for fifth, at .412.

Mookie Betts hitting .289 with 2 HRs for the Dodgers. It's going to be a long year in Boston. (Wait, no. Check that. It's going to be a short year in Boston, though it might seem long.)

The two former Yank wannabees: Manny Machado is hitting .238 with 2 HRs for the Padres. Bryce Harper is .231 with one. 

On the Cheatstros, Alex Bregman is .211 with 2 HRs, and Jose Altuve is at a meager .158 with one dinger. I guess that guessing what's coming is different than knowing what's coming, eh? 

Hitting below .150 are: Miguel Cabrera, Albert Pujols, Christian Yelich, Jurickson Profar, Andrew Benintendi and Andrew McCutcheon. Ah, but it's early. 

Wait a minute. No Yankee game tonight? Yeesh. What am I going to watch? HOLY CRAP! I GOT IT!

I thought his name was Darryl. 

"Everything is cool."

That's all we needed to hear. 

We dig Rickie Ricardo but before someone tries to talk Suzyn into posing with an old dress and crying, "Waaaah" while a slickly pompadoured Cuban gentleman sings "Babalooooooo!" our pals at the Post report that John has recovered from "a blood infection," (OK) and is heading home.
Expect him to return to the broadcast as early as later this week.

UPDATE: He's back Thursday.

The Elephant So Far...

While Duque was waxing euphoric about the relentless Yankee line-up, I would like to focus on the ninth hitter.

Miguel Andújar has been one of my favorites since day one, when he tied or broke some Ruthian record for doubles, and should have won the rookie of the year. 

We all knew he had some "glove" problems at third base, and I advocated ( among others ) that LF might be an ideal way to get him into the line-up on a daily basis.  

He is athletic, speedy ( not Tyler Wade speed, but decent ), and has a strong arm. 

Last night, however, he made an error which was not only embarrassing, but could/should have been costly.

Seriously, it mirrored the type of outfield incompetence that got Red Thunder banished for a year. 

Add to that;  he hasn't found his stroke.  

When he broke into the league, he hit bullets into the gaps which were automatic doubles.   Now he hits medium-hard balls, neither fly balls nor line-drives...something very catchable....to the outfield.

I grant that he is trying really hard to impress, knowing that his at-bats are limited.  He is not getting what he needs to find his hitting stroke. 

But that error was inexcusable.  

It was like the error an 8th grader, banished to play right field, makes in a pick-up game.  A ground ball single goes through his legs, and rolls to the wall...clearing the bases. 

I fear that this "stain" will forever follow him as a Yankee, making it far too easy for management to deal him for a lefty. 

It could hardly have been worse.  He needs to hit like Judge to make up for it.  And no one can do that. 

A costly win for him. 

After one week, it's gotten late early for the sad, underwhelming Redsocks

In normal times, MLB standings after the first week serve as a joke. "Oh, no, we're five games behind! Time to tank! PULL THE GOALIE!

But these times, they are a-churning. With one-eighth of this bizarre season in the books, the Yanks have the best record in baseball and a choke hold on their two divisional challengers, Tampa and Boston. The lone question: Will any of this matter?

Check out these standings. Last we checked, the O's remain the O's, last year's ultimate abomination, and the sad Blue Jays won't see one true home game this year. The Rays must survive a mask-challenged corona hot spot, and we just watched the hopeless Redsocks botch three games, leaving Boston tied with the Angels and Royals for worst record in the AL. This on a weekend when their last front line starter, Eduardo Rodriguez, canceled his season due to heart issues following the virus. (Terrible news, by the way. It reminds us of how quickly our players might fall.) 

And look at the full AL standings, because divisions really don't matter, anymore. 

If all we're thinking about is the coveted Wild Card, the Yankees sit - (does cocktail napkin math) - four games in the loss column ahead of Cleveland and Detroit. Those four games equal - (does more chicken-scratching) - about a 10-game lead, in an actual season. 

And then there is Boston. Yeesh. Last night, did anyone besides A-Rod - who treated the game as if were the World Series - doubt the outcome? Whenever the Redsocks took a lead - Devers, Martinez and Bogaertes are still formidable - they instantly blew it. The pitching line - Brice, Hall, Embree, Walden, Barnes - would make a better law firm. Meanwhile, unless Kyle Higashioka catches, there is not one easy out in the Yankee lineup. Last night, Miguel Andujar batted ninth. 

Let that sink in. Ninth. 

Miggy - who in his last full season, set a Yankee rookie record for doubles - batted ninth. 

Meanwhile, somewhere in Scranton, Cliff Frazier - who could bat third for many teams - was hitting fungos of coal over the fracking wells. 

Of course, this could turn out to be an elaborate practical joke on us, played by the juju gods. After one week, we're baseball's best team. We can flounder the rest of the way and probably maker the expanded playoffs. Does it matter? Will there be playoffs? This we know: The juju gods are bastards.

Virtual Fenway: Domingo Makes It to Mound! Beats Sox!

(Posted on behalf of HoraceClarke66, who has computer issues.)

The New York Virtual Yankees, desperate for a body to throw at the BoSox in tonight's nationally televised game, pitched Domingo German, returning after the game's longest ever mystery suspension.

German, who has sustained serious physical injuries simply trying to get back to the mound by plane, train, or automobile, had walked the 215 miles between New York and Boston, wearing a hairshirt and flagellating himself all along the way, while taking vows of hunger and silence.

After restoring himself with the entire, pre-game, team buffet—it was, recalled the Yankees' clubhouse men, the first time that any single individual had eaten the entire buffet since Jesus Montero—German actually made it to the mound and pitched six, credible innings, surrendering four runs but managing to leave with a 5-4 lead, thanks in good part to homers by Mike Ford and D.J. LeMahieu. 

After his departure, the Yankees' restored Twin Towers, Judge and Stanton, added home runs in what became a 10-5 rout.  Boston fans were so incensed by the result—and their team's tanking this season—that they actually booed the traditional, seventh inning recording of Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline."

"Well, I guess good times never did seem so good, so good," remarked broadcaster Clyde Frazier.

After the game, Domingo German continued to say nothing, observing his vow of silence, but signed that he was deeply repentant, and would like a ham sandwich.

If Tauchman and Urshela are for real...

Surely, you know by now that Gio Urshela was last night's Yankee hitting and fielding Gold Star. A game-sealing grand slam. A highlight reel grab and throw, practically from the left field Jeter seats. Bravo.

Remember that rant I unspooled last week? The foamy mouth I delivered about  Miguel Andujar needing to play 3B? Forget it. That was just me, messing with you. What I meant to say was that the job is Urshela's.

With all the hubbub about Aaron Judge's home run - (the wonderful Rickey Ricardo call: "Adios, amigo! Aaron Judge, he's GUILTY... of putting the Yankees ahead, one to nothing!") - you might have overlooked Mike Tauchman's game last night. He went 3 for 4 and stole two bases, playing CF. 

You know that verbal bowel movement I made last week, where I demanded that the Yankees play Clint Frazier? Well, I'd eaten some bad clams. What I meant to say was that Tauchman reminds me more of Paul O'Neill than any Yankee in recent memory (which is the only memory I have, anymore.) Until injuries break this lineup, Tauchman is our fifth outfielder.

And get this: If both players can repeat what they did in 2019, I would argue that the Yankees have the best infield and outfield in the game. 

Yep, I mean it. Put this is the official record: Add a solid-hitting Gold Glove 3B to Gleyber Torres, DJ LeMahiue and a Voit/Ford platoon, and tell me what MLB lineup has a better infield. Houston? We don't count cheaters.  

It was also nice to watch newcomer RP Nick Nelson chew up the Redsocks last night, but Boston looks ready to phone it in. My guess is they'll start the official tanking process around Aug. 15, seeking to a) trade high salary players to Yankee opponents and b) finish dead last, to draft first.

Of course, we still can't be sure there will be a season? Enjoy this while we can. Last night brought three hours of respite from doom-scrolling. Thank you, Gio. Thank you, Mike. It's good to have you back. I never doubted you.

Virtual Baseball: Happ Snapped By Sox Knocks.

By HoraceClark66 (whose computer is acting up.)

The Virtual Yankees fell flat at Fenway, as J.A. Happ reverted to form on Saturday, driven out of the box in the third inning, trailing 6-3.  Home runs by Gleyber Torres, Aaron Hicks, and Giancarlo Stanton brough the pinstripers storming back, but a home run by Rafael Devers off Chad Green in the eighth decided it in the end for Boston, 9-8.

Most of the nation paid little attention, though, absorbed as they were by Jesse Ventura, holding the big, opening rally for his Indepence Party campaign.  

Ventura's third-party effort has him at 22 percent of the vote, but that is considered to make little difference in a race where Donald Trump has held a steady 65 percent for the last month—with Joe Biden, the Democratic compromise candidate at a pathetic 8 percent.  

With the Dow Jones remaining at over 60,000, and no one unemployed, it is impossible to believe that there is anything that can now stand in the way of President Trump's re-election.  To be sure, The Nation magazine has recently noted that one of the mysterious leading Wall Street investment firms leading the boom is named KozeeBear.com, but no one expects this to amount to anything.

Baseball is a cruel sport, but it may have met its match

Our hearts go out to Tommy Kahnle, who needs Tommy John surgery - which used to be the cruelest news a pitcher could hear. 

Now, it might just be that you've tested positive. 

Kahnle will miss the rest of 2020 and probably all of 2021. He finishes with a perfect 0.00 ERA - from one game, one inning, one hit, one walk, and three strikeouts. Next time we see Tommy - not necessarily in a Yankee uniform - he'll be 32 and probably living off his change-up. In the meantime, we will remember him last week, pitching to empty seats in Baltimore, helping to win a game in a season that might soon follow him into exile.

In today's Murdoch, Joel Sherman reports what we all secretly know: that baseball's 2020 season is teetering on the brink, and that the game cannot sustain many more weeks like the opener. 

Last night, as the Yankees beat up on hapless Boston, I could not dismiss the sense that the joke would soon be on us, that for all its billions, MLB cannot put forth a product safe for players and employees. Baseball's downfall, of course, will be what it always is: The hubris that comes with believing that money can defeat nature. 

One more outbreak, one more glitch, and this grand experiment might have to be called, like a game in a deluge. It hurts to say this, because I had a feeling that the last few days were starting to restore the community of fans, folks with vastly different world views, but who unite in support of Gleyber Torres. 

Tonight, hopefully, John and Suzyn will be back together. I will find a place in the backyard that gets the best radio reception, and I will savor every inning, every pitch. I suggest you do, as well. 

Get well, Tommy Kahnle. See you on the other side.

Virtual Baseball: Tanaka!

From HoraceClarke66: 

Masahiro Tanaka insisted on coming off the DL tonight—and insisted on shutting down the virtual Red Sox in the Fens, 10-1.  

Home runs by Aaron Judge, Miguel Andujar, Gleyber Torres, and Mike Ford made it all a romp, but Tanaka—sporting a beautifully painted head bandage, pitched seven gritty innings to bring the Yankees to glory.

"Yes, I have been hit in the head.  So are many people, everyday, in this violent world.  I still had to do my job," said Tanaka, after his brilliant effort.

The win ended the month of July at 15-8, and a total of 75-34 for the season thus far—still one game behind the frontrunning TB Rays.  

"Oh, we'll catch them," manager Ma Boone said after the game.  "By all that is holy, we will run them down like the dogs they are, and rip their throats out!  Or, you know, a wild card spot would be fine, too."