For all his talent, he wasn't always the guy you wanted up with two outs and the game on the line. Lately, that's changed. I don't have stats to prove this. I DON'T NEED STATS TO PROVE THIS. I HAVE MY EYEBALLS, AND THEY TELL ME THAT JUDGE IS DOIING IT.
AND TYLER, TOO!
Twelve. Watched through the eighth. Figured we'd blown it. Couldn't bear to watch El Chapo. Heart attack, waiting to happen.
Thus, we must rule out "Cool Hand Luke" and/or "Luke Warm," the easy possibilities.
So...?
I need a beer.
Heat advisory over upstate New York. Dropping like flies. Like being stuck in a Calgon Beauty Bath.
The replacement suggestions vary from Nasty Nestor ( great thought, actually ) to Gil or Savvy ( I prefer Gil).
I might have added Ridings to the list, but I see he is recently put on the Scranton IL ( which means he is likely headed to the Hospital For Special Surgery on the upper east side of Manhattan).
Why the photo?
Because my recommendation has a different objective from winning a new banner.
I am out to make a pile of dough on the back of these Yankees. Toilet paper has become precious and so has spending money.
So, I am recommending a " secret Santa" as our new playoff closer. A guy who will allow me to
place " sure thing bets," at good odds in Vegas.
I want to be sure the Yankees blow the lead every time out. Sequential failures are like hitting a tri-fecta.
I recommend Nick Nelson.
He throws strikes. Fastballs down the middle at about 95-97, with no wiggle at all.
He is home grown.
If he gets Covid, we can go with the re-habbing Mike King. He throws " meat" just as well.
We may not win the World Series, but I will be able to afford box seats.
Who's with me?
Sadly, this we know:
There is no realistic path to a 2021 Yankee world championship with Aroldis Chapman as closer.
Nope. Ainta gonna happen. You might as well believe in leprechauns, or QAnons.
Listen: I'm not here to demean El Chapo. The evil that men do lives long after them; the good is oft interred with their ERAs. Chapman can help the '21 Yankees, maybe even play a pivotal role. But if the Yankees think they can ride him through an October - they've ingested too many edibles. We'll see the same finale as in the last two seasons - another walk-off meltdown.
At this point in his career - pushing 34 - Aroldis has become a nightly roll of the dice, a waterfall hallucination, capable of imploding at any moment. No lead is safe, and a one-run lead looks especially dire. Going forth, Aaron Boone's rules for engaging Chapman should go this way:
When he goes 3-0 on a batter, start warming his replacement.
If he's not showing 100 mph velocity with control - regardless of how he's doing - start warming someone.
If a runner reaches base - regardless of the reason - take him out.
Once the sweat droplets start rolling off his cap like a quart jug of Mountain Dew, take him out.
Throughout his career, El Chapo has been a dominating, fearsome presence, a powerhouse on the mound. Right now, he's a giant inflatable, holding up a porcupine. On any given night, he might look superhuman - or go poof. And he won't correct everything in time to win a world series.
Last night, we learned our other former all-star closer, Zack Britton, is likely done for the year. With trade restrictions choking the waiver wire, the Yankees must promote someone from within to pitch the ninth.
We have two de facto closers - Jonathan Loaisiga and Mean Chad Green. Both have struggled, including some absolutely disastrous losses that, at the times, seemed to define the '21 Yankees. Last night, Wandy Peralta came through, surviving an incredible pressure cooker. But whatever it's worth, I lean toward the most interesting player on the Yankees - of course... Nasty Nestor.
Though it would hurt to drop him from the rotation, here's why Nestor Octavio-Cortez can close. (And for whatever it's worth, if El Chapo doesn't like being demoted, "Tough titty" said the kitty with the milk so warm.)
1. Throughout his career, Nestor has been a reliever. He's used to getting entering games on short notice.
2. He's actually a better reliever than starter. In eight relief appearances this year, opposing batters are hitting only .197 against him. His 2.29 ERA in relief beats his 2.70 as a starter.
3. Nestor gets the leadoff batter. This year, the first batters he face are hitting a meager .143 against him. In his first inning, they are hitting .192 - an on base percentage of .222. He's not one of those pitchers who doesn't figure out his stuff until the fourth inning.
4. Nestor's problem this season has been the third time around in a batting order, when hitters are .342 against him. As closer, he never has to deal with this.
5. Can you imagine batters - after facing Cole, Green, Loasiga and maybe even El Chapo, fireballer after fireballer - and then, in comes this ballsy, kewpie doll slinging frisbees.
One other possibility, in a Disney fantasy sort of way: Could Luis Severino return to resume the one-inning role that began his career? Don't hold your breath. But seriously, folks, we need a unicorn. And it's time for a ninth inning intervention.
NOTE TO READERS: BEGINNING TONIGHT, I WILL BE DOING MY (FORMERLY ANNUAL, WE DIDN'T DO IT LAST YEAR BECAUSE OF COVID) DRUNK YANKEE BLOG.
I WILL BE IMBIBING WITH OLD FRIENDS, INCLUDING REDSOCK FANS, THROUGH SUNDAY. POSTS WILL BE SPORADIC AND PERHAPS NOT AS COGENT AND LIFE-FULFILLING AS USUAL. PLEASE BEAR WITH ME.
I like to believe that you - the seasoned, thoughtful, Jedi masters of fanhood who visit this blog - understand the need to maintain strict negativity, and to avoid outwardly positive thoughts about the Yankees.
Remember: Nothing good comes from talking hopefully. If you see the Yankee glass half full, you'll only end up feeling thirsty. Predict calamity, and at the worst, you have been proven right.
That said, we must be wise enough to know a good thing when it show up, wrapped in bacon, on our doorstep. A 10-game streak is luxurious. Sure, it will rile us when it ends; nobody wants to leave the hot tub. So enjoy this while we can - WHILE MAINTAINING NEGATIVITY.
Today, two metaphysical questions about the 2021 Yankees.
1. Were the Yankees undermining Giancarlo Stanton all this time by not letting him play the outfield?
Last night, Stanton played his 11th game in the OF this year. He started July 30, in his old Miami pasture. Until then, he had only played DH, this year and last.
Since 2019, the Yankees have bubble-wrapped Stanton - almost marginalizing him - as if he were a defensive abomination. In fact, he's looked rather nimble out there. Also, keep in mind that they played both Clint Frazier - the 2019 version, anyway - and Miguel Andujar in the outfield, when both played horrible defense.
You'd think Stanton was 39 and fat - not 31 and a yoga guy (he took it up last winter.)
In August, since he started playing defense, he's hitting .325 with five HRs - his best month in the last three years. (In 2019, he batted .462 in the 10 games that he played in LF.)
Moreover, the Yankees look much better by using the DH as an open slot, so various hitters can rest. Without Stanton playing OF, Luke Voit would have sat most of last week, instead of being named AL Player of the Week.
Don Imus used to say, "Let the big dogs run!" The Yankees should have taken that to heart with Stanton. So, yeah, it looks as though coddling him was a bad idea.
2. What if Luke Voit had not suffered so many injuries this season? Would he be among the HR leaders?
The top 10 HR leaders in MLB average about 430 at bats. (Shohei Ohtani, with 40, has come to bat 422 times.)
Last year's HR leader, Luke, has 7 this season - in 158 at bats.
Doing a little fourth-grade math, we can see that, if Luke came up 430 times, he'd have 19 HRs - tied for 36th in the AL, with Matt Chapman, Carlos Correa and Eric Haase.
He seems to be heating up, and you can argue Small Sample Size. But thus far, he's not the world-leading slugger of 2020.
By the way, using the same calculations, if they came to bat, say, 430 times...
Gary Sanchez would have 26 HRs - tied for 14th in the AL with Nelson Cruz and Mike Zunino.
Stanton would have 25, Rougned Odor would have 21, and Kyle Higashioka - our own Higgy - would have 24 dingers. Twenty four. Aint math fun?
1. Velazquez
2. Wade
3. Rizzo ( and Voit in his angry, but productive, response.).
4. Higgy's defense; Odor's petulance and grit ( And he is showing useful versatility )
5. Nasty Nestor - how many people know that this guy is young?
6. Luis Gil
7. The emergence of Johnny Lasagna, Abreu and Ridings ( both were " disappeared for a stretch ).
8. Judge in center; Gallo in left, Giancarlo in right
9. Some names in the minors ( Volpe, Preraza, Florial, Allen)
10. Urshela ( I always love a great glove at third ).
11. The solid guys ( Cole, Taillon, Greene, Montgomery, DJ)
12. Gary - quietly improving at everything.
Let's drink to that !
I'm a regular guy, pretty even keeled, put my socks on three at a time like everyone else. (What? You don't?)
So after a day off yesterday with Henri Sleeping Syndrome, I finally caught up to Dick Allen's post from yesterday. Don't get me wrong: I like Dick Allen. I respect him. I value his opinion. But I kinda sorta have to disagree with him on a couple of points.
Three against the Red Sox, all wins. Yes, they have gone into a tailspin, but they were still in second place when we beat them, and had led the division for most of the summer. Sorry, no way can I call those guys a "soft spot." They are dangerous, and always are when we play them.
The White Sox? First-place team, so far ahead in their division that everyone else has gone home to finish the season on Nintendo...and we woulda beat them all three games without another stellar Boone choice for the game's "closer." Hint: he didn't close nothin'.
The Mariners? Not great, but if they were in the NL East, they'd be battling for the title. Take away the three out of four we beat them and they'd be leading. If you go back a bit further into July, we also went 4-4 against the Red Sox, took two of three against the Rays, and took two of two from the Phillies. Just before the break, we took two of three from Seattle and two of three from Houston.
Then there's the idea that "we sucked in the first half and now we're great in the second half, in large part thanks to the moves at the trade deadline." Well, we had stretches of suck in the first half and could look moribund, yes. But we also had a stretch or two of looking like a champ and winning a lot. It was the sudden and jarring switch from one to the other that sent the brain reeling.* We were in no way consistently awful.
Also, we started winning in early July. We were winning quite a bit, in fact, before the trade deadline. Are we better with Gallo and Rizzo? Yes. Heaney may even work out. Too small a sample size so far, to be honest. But the moves by Genius Boy came in the midst of winning, they didn't start the ball rolling.
This next one makes me a little uncomfortable: "nobody here thought we could pull this off." I'm uncomfortable because I went to Catholic school and do not like to push positive views of myself, even to myself. But in June, if not before (I'm too lazy to look; I'm sure someone else will), I was saying that we had a streaky team. We could win a lot, we could lose a lot over any chosen period, but all we needed was a winning streak to be right back in it. And lo and behold, that's what we got. Even among all the Covid ILers and injuries, that's what we got. It was always a distinct possibility. I have a feeling I wasn't alone in thinking it, but Juju understandably precluded some from saying it out loud (and still does).
So there, I've said my peace and laid myself open to criticism for my nebulous reasoning and shoddy lack of research. But these things needed to be said. OK, I needed to say them. Shoot me.
Now, let's catch the goddamn Rays.
*Speaking of reeling, I've been watching a lot of British crime/cop/mystery shows, and was astounded by an old episode of one from the 80s or 90s where a character used a Popeil Pocket Fisherman. In Britain. Keeping alive the legacy of the recently no-longer-alive Ron Popeil. "And it really catches fish!" was one of my favorite lines from his string of commercials, along with "The problem with buttons is, they always fall off. The problem with buttons is, they always fall off." The repetition of the line, with emphasis, continues to tickle my ad-addled brain.
It's just... wrong. Players, after all, are people - homo sapiens, like you and me - with our strengths and weaknesses, our zits and dimples, our ingrown toenails and our tooth decay, who, like all of us, take off their shoes to defecate.
I believe the Yankiverse must strive for diversity and inclusiveness - welcoming all players, all types, and accept all their foibles.
That said, it's time to stop ignoring the elephant in the elevator:
The sudden rise of Tyler Wade - and the fact that he doesn't get hurt.
And it's why some of us remain wary about the 9-game winning streak:
The Yankees are hot; thus, it's time for the ensuing wave of injuries.
A nine game streak? Yikes. This could foretell an outfield collision or a mass shooting. Aaron Judge should have his own Iron Dome. Gerrit Cole should move to an underground lair. And that's why Wade is so important. Whomever gets hurt, he can probably replace them. (Fun fact: Rougned Odor would catch in an emergency shortage.) Over the years, Wade has often been jettisoned to Moosic just for the hell of it, so Aaron Boone could keep a bullpen the size of Britney's payroll.
He was shipped out July 5, then returned four days later, after Michael King squashed a finger between two barbells. Since July 9, Wade has hit .322, played several positions, bunted to break over shifts, and stolen eight bases. For Wade, a single is practically a double. How long has it been since the Yankees had someone in their lineup with such capabilities? And he hasn't gotten hurt.
And here's another weird thing about Wade: He's still here.
Under modern Yankee protocols, he should have been traded long ago for a fat SS or one-legged DH. Why is he here? Could the Yankees actually be showing patience with a young player? (Wade is only 26.) Have they changed their ways?
OF COURSE NOT. Somehow, Wade fell between the cracks - didn't get traded, hasn't been targeted by the juju gods - and here he is... best player on the team? Go figure.
It was the worst of times. It was the best of
times.
What are we to make of this season? Our
illustrious GM saw fit to start the season with a pitching staff of cripples
and nary a left-handed bat in the lineup. Then he added to the mess by hiring a
nice guy with no coaching or managing experience at all. Hell of an interview
though. They actually admitted that part in public.
We watched in horror (or at least I did) as an
expensive, old, and rickety team lurched from tantalizing wins to horrific,
last minute defeats made worse by my own belief that this team was capable, if
everything went according to plan, of winning the division. I know. I know.
Everyone else here thought it was a mediocrity at best and a dung heap at
worst. And nothing went according to plan. The first half of the season had
most of us considering homicide or suicide. The Yankees were a plodding, dull
bunch who couldn't bunt, didn't have the first idea of how to run bases, stood
around waiting for home runs that didn't materialize, and when they had a lead,
couldn't hold it. In short, it was a mess.
Then, the unimaginable happened. The Office Boy
who calls himself a General Manager (an ambiguous term in itself) made a series
of bewildering, almost maniacal moves to improve the team and miraculously,
improve the team it did, and thanks to a series of COVID-related IL stints,
this misfit bunch started winning and has kept on winning much to our collective
astonishment.
Some young upstarts who, much like in 2017, were
forced into service began doing the kinds of things baseball players are
supposed to do: they began to hit the ball, throw the ball, and catch the ball.
They took the extra base. Stole some of them too! The turnaround was so sudden
and unexpected that most of us are either still in shock or denial.
I myself am not falling for this Phoenix. My
memory is not that short. Like all of you, I've watched in horror and
indignation as Boooooone, who in spite of the New York Murdoch's insistence
that the Yankees turnaround is due to his calming hand at the wheel (a complete
load of festering turd), still needs to go find another job. And in spite of
this miraculous turn of events, The Office Boy still needs to go too. For him
to have hired a novice manager was a disaster waiting to happen (as it already
has), and for the Yankees to start the season with no left-handed bats was
unprecedented in the history of the New York Yankees. The first half of the
season was a total failure. You know the old saying: you can't win a pennant in
April, but you can lose one. And if this team doesn't win the division – which
in theory it still could, they are currently four back and have three games
with the Tampons to end the season – it is the failure of the GM to put
together a balanced team during the off-season. The Yankees might very well
have lost the division in April
As much as I hate to say this, I have to give The
Office Boy some props for the trades he made to correct his glaring mistakes.
But only some: trading for a guy like Andrew Heaney was a disaster of a move –
no one is going to convince me that one good game covers all sins. Part of this
resurgence is due to the fact that the team has been forced to dig down into
the minors for help. There was no plan in that. Teams like Tampa and Oakland
regularly replenish their rosters with youth while our prospects, such as they
are, find the light of day in other cities. Cashman is an absolute disaster of a
GM – he's still an intern as far as I'm concerned.
All in all, I don't know which team to believe in
– the shit show that was the first half or the best team in the majors right
now. The team is winning against a soft spot in the schedule, but I can't help
but feel like it's peaking too soon. This gravy train won't last and the
pennant race doesn't begin in earnest until Labor Day. Where will they be then?
I guess time will tell. As a victim of popular
culture, my head is always swimming with useless trivia and memories of
television shows past and the only thing I have left is this:
Will the real New York Yankees please stand
up?
2. We're four behind in the loss column, and we host them for the final three games of the season.
3. Rougned Odor's time-out HR could become his signature moment as a Yankee, in the way that his haymaker to Jose Bautista is for his time with Texas.
4. Odor - with some big hits and clear support of his teammates - could become a "Beloved Yankee." On the Five Calamity Ex-Yankees Scale, there are 1. Disasters (ie Ellsbury, Pavano), 2. Mistakes (ie Jesus Montero, Ed Yarnell) 3. Future Old-Timers (ie Cessa, Denny Neagle), 4. Beloved (ie Luis Sojo, Brosius) and 5. Greats (ie Andy, Reggie, Thurman.)
5. Odor is a much better player while clean-shaven. The beard, coupled with his bald head and oversized headband, made him look like a bad Disney genie.
6. Gerrit Cole is on the short list to win the 2021 Cy Young. He is now second in ERA, first in wins, and first in strikeouts. His main competition is Robbie Ray of Toronto and Chris Bassalt of Oakland. Right now, I think he beats both.
7. Where is Stephen Ridings? We haven't seen him since Chicago. All he's done is give up one run in five outings (ERA: 1.80.)
8. Luke Voit's "Stone Cold" celebratory mashing of water bottles was hilarious, and - I suppose - that's just Luke being Luke. But I worry that he's becoming another Swish, and - for all the fun and hilarity of Jolly Old Saint Nick - we know how that turned out: Losing a catchable liner in the lights, and watching a post-season fly out the window.
9. The Yankees are leaving the door slightly open for Luis Severino to return. It's a longshot, but why not try? He might only be able to throw short stretches out of the bullpen. Wouldn't it be wild if he became the closer?
One of the commenters to Duque's post offered a really interesting idea;
Given that Hurricane Henri is likely to wipe out tomorrow's local baseball activity, why not play two today? MLB lets baseball teams experience rainouts, and then schedules double headers to make up for the lost game.
Why not do the reverse? Pre-empt the rainout.
That way, the Yankees might even make it out of town tonight so the Atlanta series doesn't have to be postponed.
Great thinking ( by definition, beyond the capabilities of MLB ).
So what happens next? The Yankees have had several catalyst lately, but one of them is named Velazquez. He hit his first Yankee HR today. And continues to show exceptional range, glove, and arm on defense.
I know this is the kind of problem Boone loves to have ( too many really good players vying for too few spots), but watching Velazquez play makes watching the Yankees fun.
It is been a long time since Gleyber evoked that response.
I just hope that as " things work themselves out," Velazquez its a part of it.
Too easy?
Last night, in the late innings, with a sizeable lead, the Yankees faced Kyle Barraclough, who started 2021 in Scranton. Of course, they were going to score. Why wouldn't they?
Then, in the ninth, with Brody Koerner on the mound, there he was - the ghost Yankee schooner from the long-lost past, Brigadoon Refsnyder - with a .292 batting average, striking out.
So easy. So simple. Is this a dream? Or is it our old friends, the Twins?
Today, the Yankees face a rich team's problem: Too many hitters. The Dodgers have endured it for three years. Suddenly, we have too many batters for two few slots. And down in Scranton, Miguel Andujar is rehabbing in LF... just in case.
So, what to do? Frankly, every Yank fan in captivity knows the solution: Aaron Judge in CF.
DJ 2b
Judge cf
Gallo lf
Stanton rf
Rizzo 1b
Luuuuuuke dh
Gio 3b (when he's back)
Sanchez c
Gleyber ss (when he's back)
Don't sweat the batting order. We can toggle it. Who cares? The bench is Wade, Odor, Gardy, Higgy and maybe another speed-bunting OF, Jonathan Davis or Greg Allen?
Of course, this needs to happen.
And, of course, it won't.
By the time Urshela and Torres return, somebody will be hurt. That's the Yankee reality. Still, barring a double-wipeout at catcher, or a terrifying OF collision, the Yankees should have enough depth for the stretch.
Also, I yearn to see how a Gold Glove 1B affects the play - and mindset - of Gleyber Torres. Luke is a trooper, but those bouncers fly past him. What if Gleyber no longer has to fear his defensive liabilities, because the Second Coming of Tino is on the other side of the diamond?
It all looks so easy. (Then again, who pitches the ninth in a nail-biter?)
As the '21 Yankees - turbocharged by Cashman's trade deadline overhaul - chase the obligatory wild card birth (and, maybe, the Rays),I believe I speak for not only the Yankiverse, but for the Star Wars franchise, George Lucas and a generation of graying cosplayers in saying... politely and earnestly:
THE FORCE IS NOT WITH YOU. PLEASE CEASE AND DESIST... NOW!
As the Yankees chase what has become an all-too rare relevancy in October, it's time for the franchise to ditch the Star Wars imagery. Here's why:
1. We're identifying with the wrong side. Has anyone noted recently that the Death Star was part of the Evil Empire? That's evil - as in bad guys. Okay, I suppose the Yankees seek to portray themselves as a powerful entity, a team feared by all. Well, sad to say but... we are not that team. The Dodgers are, by far.
Their $263 million payroll dwarfs ours of $203 million. And if you're looking for true villains, what about the lying, cheating Astros ($191 million payroll) or the hedge-funded owned Mets ($197 million.) Why promote ourselves as bad guys?
2. Despite all its power, the Death Star got blown to smithereens. Hello-o-o? Do you realize that the giant colossus had one measly pressure point, where one well-directed bomb could light up the entire solar system? If anything, that's an image we should avoid. Because if the Yankees do reach the playoffs, our vaunted lineup will have at least one incredible vulnerability . (Hints: late-innings, bullpen, closers.) Do we really we want to go there?
3. Star Wars came out in 1977; it's 45 fucking years old. Have you seen Luke Skywalker lately? He could play Pa Kettle. Star Wars is so old that historians no longer debate the precise moment that everything turned to shit. Was it the Wookie puppet movie? Or Jar-Jar? I'd go with the Star Wars Holiday Special, possibly the worst Christmas show in history, beyond than anything even Kathy Lee Gifford could ejaculate. (The segment where Bea Arthur sings in a bar is for the ages. Fun fact: In the last episode of Maude, the governor of NY appoints her to the House of Representatives!)
One of the first Star Wars references came in 2002, when Redsock president Larry Luccino lamented that old George Steinbrenner had signed Jose Contreras, calling them "the Evil Empire. " This was back when the Yankees dominated Boston every October, when the Curse of the Bambino haunted all of New England, and the Yankees seemed unbeatable. Those days ended long ago. If anything, the roles flipped in 2004, and ever since, Boston has been the superior franchise.
On top of everything, by culturally appropriating Star Wars, the Yankees are associating themselves with Disney - which now owns Pixar, Marvel, Lucasfilm and Fox. Evil Empire? Draw your own conclusions.
4. The roots of Cashman's original statement could soon haunt us. Sherman, set the Wayback to December of 2018, when the free agents Bryce Harper and Manny Machado were both sort of campaigning to join the Yankees, or at least lure them into a bidding war. (In both cases though, I believe they were sincere: For years, Harper had made no secret of his desire to play for the Yankees, and Machado's wife - a native New Yorker - wanted to go home.)
But Hal Steinbrenner - whose Daddy issues do resemble a certain Star Wars character - was poormouthing, saying the Yankees couldn't afford such a big expenditure. A writer asked Cashman why the Yankees weren't chasing Harper, and he replied: "All I can keep telling you is, you know where my current focuses are, but at the same time, we're a fully operational Death Star." And so it began.
True to form, our Death Star blew up spectacularly in the 2019 playoffs, thanks to Jose Altuve and some banging trash can lids. (By the way, that should be the stadium's two-out sound effect!) And here's the current rub: Both Harper and Machado are having great seasons. (Harper with 22 HRs and .290, Machado with 21 HR and .278.) We could end up playing either guy, and he might just have something to prove.
5. By invoking Cashman's statement, the Yankees are referencing the owner's refusal to spend money. That's just wrong. Nobody ever accused the Evil Empire of being cheapo. As Jason Mewes (Jay) told Silent Bob in the 1994 movie Clerks, there had to be a lot of independent contractors working on that Death Star. The Yankee payroll hasn't budged in recent years, as Food Stamps Hal tries to limit his luxury taxes. Neither Palpatine nor Darth Vader would ever have skimped on quality.
6. While we're discussing good guys/bad guys, how about the beard thing? In the movies, bad guys wear beards (yeah, it's changing, but face it, facial hair is still a bad guy thing.) These days, some baseball teams look like the Taliban. The clean-shaven Yankees should be the good guys. This notion that the Mets are loveable underdogs? That's ridiculous. They've been to the World Series more recently (2015) than we have.
The Yankees should be America's team. They just blew up their farm system to bet everything on a wild card birth - a last-ditch shot at 2021. That's the stuff of Indiana Jones, or Captain America, or John Wick - they jumped from the airplane, and now, somehow, they've got to catch that parachutist. They are not Emperor Palpatine. They are Tom Cruise, and this is an impossible mission. And we should abandon the Dark Side.
Lucky for me, my I-phone found its way into a pitcher of freshly stirred manhattans. Old age fingers, I guess.
I would have bet the farm on Heaney going down in flames. I would have taken the over on four home runs and seven runs.
Now I know what it is to be stunned. To admit; "I don't know shit" ( it won't keep me from bitching, mind you ).
But Heaney was amazing.
When I saw him come out to pitch the seventh, I said " this guy has grit." Often, in my life, I would " take the money and run." Meaning; if I did something unexpectedly well, I would cut short my time in the limelight and gracefully take accolades.
Heaney said, " I'm still good, Aaron. Let me go another round. " And it was another a strong inning after an exceptional game. He could have lost it all in taking on those last three outs.
All season, we have had ( count them on your fingers ) few starts as good. Seven innings, one run, 2 hits, and against Boston, no less, in front of 40,000 fans ready to hang the guy.
Thank God for manhattans.
Holy Heaney.
Except for one lingering malady and future heart attack:
Mr. Aroldis Chapman.
In case you missed it, El Chapo came in last night hoping to close a four-run lead and he lasted about as long as the Afghani government. Before being pulled for Lucas Luetge - let that sink in: pulled for Luetge - he nearly conjured up a catastrophic loss. I counted 13 stress points in 15 minutes. Listen: My blood pressure does not need 13 stressers in 15 minutes. At the risk of suffering PTSD, let's review them.
Stresser No. 1: Chapman's first pitch to Enrique Hernandez is a 97-mph fastball, sailing high and wide. Across the Yankiverse, you sense an immediate "Uh-oh."
Stresser No. 2: He goes to a 3-2 count with Hernandez on another pitch well off the plate. Damn. Did we have to go to a full count?
Stresser No. 3: Hernandez strikes out swinging on a pitch that would have been ball four. Okay, I'll take it. Maybe he's back! Maybe this will be a one-two-three inning! Welcome home, Aroldis!
Stresser No. 4: Hunter Renfro hits a moon shot to left, second tier of the bleachers. Okay, it's NOT going to be a one-two-three.
Stresser No. 5: As the YES team processes the magnitude of Renfro's blast - it's one of the longest balls ever hit off Chapman - we watch sweat droplets off El Chapo's chin turning into a flash flood warning. Another shudder across the Yankiverse.
Stresser No. 6: YES shows us that nobody is warming in the bullpen. Thank you, YES, for doubling my blood pressure.
Stresser No. 7: After getting ahead of Xander Bogaerts with a 1-2 count - the stadium begins it's new two-strike sound effect, a Star Wars-based moaning that David Cone has earlier compared to a "pregnant whale" - Chapman throws three straight balls, none even closely emulating a strike. So... a runner on first. A million Yank fans have the same simultaneous thought: IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!
Stresser No. 8: Up steps Rafael Devers, the league's best player and a living Yankee nightmare, prompting YES to replay the famous HR he blasted off Chapman several years ago, while a rookie, launching a hellish Yankee defeat.
Stresser No. 9: Chapman - who has no fastball - throws two splitters to Devers and gets ahead 0-2 in the count. On the next pitch, Devers lashes a liner to right, which Andrew Rizzo knocks down and makes the out - the first of his two game-saving plays. (And by the way, Luke Voit should STFU, whining about playing time, because if he's playing 1B, that game flies out the window.)
Stresser No. 10: On the first pitch, a meaty fastball, JD Martinez lines a single to right, bringing the tying run to the plate.
Stresser No. 11: Here comes Aaron Boone, ashen-faced, his Pacemaker working overtime. He pulls Chapman, who leaves to scattered boos and a rising creek bed of perspiration.
Stresser No. 12. Luetge gets Kevin Plawecki on a great play by SS Andrew Vasquez, who bounces his long throw to first. Rizzo snags it on an in-between hop. (Again, if Luke is out there...) It's unbelievably close, and if Plawecki wasn't a catcher, it's a hit.
Stresser No. 13. The umps take their good old time with a video review of the call at first, and finally declare Plawecki out. Just to recap: If he's called safe - and he could have been called safe; it's that close - a run scores and Boston has two men on base, with Alex Verdugo coming up. By my count, that's at least three more stressers.
So, what do we now have in the bullpen? Clearly, not Aroldis Chapman, the brand as formerly seen on TV. The YES announcers chalked it off to "rust." Maybe they're right. That's a hopeful assessment. I would be terrified to see Chapman enter in a one-run game. My heart can't take it.
This cannot have occurred prior to 1900 ( my rule ).
It cannot include some drunk who pitched both ends of a double header, either.
And, oh yes, it has to be on a Major League Baseball team.
I would like to leave Haney ( Heaney?) in the game for the full nine innings, regardless of consequences.
Because this is clearly a "give-away" game. we might as well put something in the record books.
Related question ( which can be ignored ): Since Heaney is going to give up 7-10 runs in 3-4 innings, isn't there some kid in AA or AAA who would benefit from the experience of pitching in Yankee stadium?
I mean, I know it took the pandemic and the fall of Afghanistan to force the Yankees to give Luis Gil a start, but isn't this a similar situation?
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