A piece in today’s NYT confirms what the Yankiverse has been
gargling for weeks: That Montero may be one of the great, pajama-pissing, slobbering,
fall-down leviathans in MLB history, a 5-tool disappointment. In only two years
of rancidness, Jesus has: 1) Failed to hit, 2) Failed to be a catcher, 3)
Proven to be injury prone, 4) Been suspended for juicing, and 5) Eaten his way
off the roster. Jesus has been eating in the manner that CC Sabathia has been
dieting, and it now looks as though the Great Swap, in which the Yankees and
Mariners traded their lawn chairs in Hell, now is tilting toward New York, by
default.
Montero came to camp 40 pounds overweight, which is a
throwback to the 1950s, when guys bagged groceries in the off-season, instead
of hiring trainers. Meanwhile, Pineda came to camp at his assigned Yankee weight!
Hoo-ray! That’s something he did not do two years ago, before blowing out his
shoulder. But the big news of the day, if you’re scoring at home: Pineda has
now pitched two Sim games in Florida.
That’s right. Sim games. “Sim,” as in “Simply Meaningless.” Or Simpathy. In other words, two years after
his arm injury, the Yankees are still treating him like an ancient Chinese
vase, pretending that he is the lost Koufax from Atlantis. Good grief. What a joke.
Pineda was expected to return last August. In July, the
Yankees breathlessly reported his pitching lines in Charleston and Tampa, as he
rose up the system, preparing to take New York like Lady Gaga in her egg. Then
in the lost mines of Scranton, he threw like Kim Novak. He suffered not only
stiffness, but bombings. The Triple A hitters were not simulations.
So now, he’s back, and as long as he’s throwing against
fantasy league all-stars, the Yankees have won the Great Trade, and Cashman
looks like Syd Thrift, dealing with old George. And it’s part of the detritus
that doubles as spring training coverage.Listen: We all want Pineda to succeed. I will happily apologize for every snarky word ever written about the guy, if he becomes a real MLB pitcher, like the one he supposedly was in Seattle. If Pineda could be a Number One or Number Two starter, the Yankees could win the AL East this year. That’s the kind of splash he would make on this franchise.
But it seems to me that the longer the Yankees treat this
guy like a china doll, the more likely he is to become one. There’s a point
where we have to compare him to everybody else in baseball who is NOT Jesus
Montero. I don’t care if Montero weighs 400 pounds and is accused of eating
small children. If Pineda spends April in Scranton, he and Jesus ought to quit
baseball and tour as a band. They could call themselves Ten Years After.
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