Sunday, March 30, 2014

The Confusion Continues, In More Ways Than One

OK, I'm back to this Anonymous mess again. One became Beauregard (Ah say, there, suh), and two more are still commenting. One, who seems like a rational and reasonable sort, had to clarify yesterday that he was the one who posted about them newfangled ways of measuring Kelly J against Nunie in the field, because the cantankerous one was in there throwing insults at the team, the Steinpeople, and Mustang. 

An appeal to all Anonymouses NOT the cranky, nasty one: please sign in as NotAnon, or Anonymous3, or Ted Knight. Anything, just to keep this from happening.

By the way, in German, 'Steinbrenner' means 'stone stoker,' as in stoking flames. I think. I guess the first Steinyachters were in charge of heating rocks in a fire to pass out to fire-challenged villagers, or perhaps just to heat them up for the royal bedwarming. 

Steinbrenner...Steiner Sports...draw your own overpricing conclusions.

In further confusion news, the Times had an article about major league autographs, which have become so bad that you'd think these guys were all doctors with prescription pads (note to self: idea for A-Rod). Even fans who watch the autographing in person can't figure out what the hell these guys are writing most of the time.

But don't take my word for it. Here are two of today's stars, Mike Trout and R.A. Dickey (bless him for that one great year, he'll never do it again but he's set for life), obviously making far too much money playing baseball to learn the Palmer method with even a modicum of competency. (Not Jim Palmer, although I believe his handwriting was quite good.) 

Next up is our very own Brett Gardner. Now, a man with his cranium, you'd think he would be able to write his name legibly, but obviously not. His brain may have evolved far beyond 21st-century man's, yet it gives him no discernible edge in handwriting.

Below Brett is the uneducated, women-chasing, uncouth, beer-swilling lout, Babe Ruth. The guy who once was at a formal Park Avenue society dinner party and, when he was offered the tray of asparagus, told the servant, 'No, thanks, it makes my pee smell funny.' But look at his signature. Distinctive, quirky, yes, and also incredibly legible.

If you're of a certain age, you no doubt remember the quiet classicism of the Brooks Robinson and Mickey Mantle autographs. Take a look at Harmon Killebrew. Respectful, intelligent, readable, as if the player took some care in presenting himself in ink. What happened? Torii Hunter is noted in the article as one of the few contemporary-ish players who takes the time and care to prove that he can actually write his own name. God bless you, Mr. Hunter. Hammer on, Harmon. 

My own handwriting has turned to crap ever since I started typing, then got worse when I started using a computer. But the kids aren't looking up to me. (Wise move on their part, in many ways.) Come on, MLBers. Start showing the kids that writing your name should be a point of pride, or even capability. Take the extra time and block print if you have 
to, but make sure the kids can read your autograph.

Opening day is tonight. If that sounds weird, it is.


Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

You left out my favorite:

Kinda like how MLB TV just left John Sterling out of the Prime Nine best announcers again!!!

I couldn't be associated with those other anonymouses any longer, particularly that virulently left wing one.

KD said...

Kids today are not even learning how to write cursive. The era of good handwriting has been coming to a close for some time now.

My favorite autograph has to be Mo's. The man cares.

el duque said...

Don't forget Shelley Duncan ruining that poor kid's life by signing "Red Sox suck."

FILED FROM THE ARCTIC CIRCLE! Back with sealskins Tuesday night!

John M said...

I had never heard of the 'Fuck Yogi' ball, thanks, Beauregard.

'Who hasn't woken up on a porch swing on a random farm?'

That has to be a quote of the week.

THAT Anonymous said...

John M., invincibly clueless to the last: I am THAT Anonymous, and it was I who wrote the apology to the estimable Mustang to deflect the mischievpus sally of one of the list's resident small-time psychopaths.

What's all the teeth-gnashing about names anyway? Everyone here is posting anonymously--except maybe Hart Seely, and even he uses an alias on the list; the variant sigs are only meaningless jumbles of letters and phonetics--of significance only to those whose anxiety-stress disorder is triggered by the site of this or that word.

The issue is that John M. needs a clearly focused target at which to aim his fruitless quest for self-validation; his trembling jello-puddin' of an ego demands at least that much certainty in this mysterious little universe of Yankee obsessives.

So his Keystone Cop inquisition--"You vill show us your identity papers!"--is really not a matter of group housekeeping--it's a symptom of his unslakable thirst for vindication in the eyes of the handful of Internet addicts who post here every day.

Sorry, ubergruppenfuhrer--you're not going to brand me with a serial number. You'll have to find another means of stilling the those tremors of self-doubt.

In the meantime, if there's anyone out there aside from el duque and alphonoso willing and able to offer a kernel of baseball substance amid the chaff of compulsive quipping and posturing, please do speak up.

Anonymous said...

Sorry: triggered by the sight of this or that word, not site.

el duque--ever consider incorporating an edit function for hopelessly inept,stream-of-consciousness speed-typers like me?

KD said...

Just as words cannot be recinded nor modified once uttered, neither can your posts.

Anonymous said...

Goddam, I miss El Duque. If I have to read one more post from John M. Or even worse, that Mustang douche, I'm going to go Pete Abraham and eat myself into a coma.

THAT Anonymous said...

Too bad for you, KD, since the word is rescinded, not recinded.

Hoist by your own retard.

Anonymous said...

Hey, fake Anonymous--you're such a tough guy, calling Mustang a douchebag just to pass a few minutes of your damaged, empty life? Fine. Post your real name and address and phone number, pussy boy. I'll be glad to come shove your teeth down your throat.

So here's your chance to prove how tough you REALLY are. Post your information, and I'll call you right away to make the arrangements.

Blind Robin said...

When did the blog hire "muscle"?

Anonymous said...

Just what I thought. Still waiting, pussy boy.

Post your information, and you'll find out all you need to know about the muscle.

You want a fight? Fine, we'll have a real fight no more of your pantywaist keyboard bluffing. Let's have your information, tough guy.

Blind Robin said...


Anonymous said...

Just to put a bow of brotherly love on this ragged thread.

For the record, I am not interested in fighting--in fact, I think that violence is the most profound form of human stupidity. It gains nothing, proves nothing--it only mangles or destroys, in diverse ways, all the combatants.

I have never initiated any verbal combat or acrimony on this list. I hope that no one on the list is so bereft of useful purpose that he/she would want to check the long record on this--but if one did, one would find that I have never been the aggressor. Just look at the post that initiates this thread--John M. compulsively stirring the pot of acrimony with his yenta hand-wringing about disentangling one "anonymous" from the other--as though it matters to anyone in the universe but him.

And note KD, for the second time in the past few days, hauling his bellyful of peevishness into public display with yet another inane taunt. What's the point?

When it happens, I feel justified in a bit of Old Testament retort. But I do not relish it and do not initiate it.

The last member of the lineup of suspects is a strange idler with no apparent interest in baseball or the Yankees--he's never posted substantively on either topic--only a perverse penchant for blood-sport bufoonery. Each blog or list seems to attract at least one such invisible worm. Such a blighted soul may justly merit our compassion, but also our contempt, in equal measure. He doesn't care?So be it. Neither do we. He can safely be ignored.

Now . . . onto baseball. John M. thinks that my comparative analysis of Johnson and Nunez is "newfangled." It's actually become old hat--nearly every front office in baseball, with the notable exception of the Steakhouse in the Bronx, relies mainly on such advanced methodologies in deciding how to spend tens of millions of dollars on player contracts every year. This kind of baseball analytics also increasingly informs the more literate and informed baseball writers. Yet John M. has more than once posted abrasive, insulting caricatures about those who rely on advanced analytics. Why he prides himself on this neanderthal resistance--some of it the same kind of probability analysis that makes billions for hedge-fund managers and investors--is anyone's guess, but his militant pride in it does a disservice to himself and the level of discourse on this list.

Hart Seely has conjured the most entertaining and insightful blog about the Yankees in particular and baseball in general. The merriment and puckishness need not preclude some serious baseball discussion, as el duque's and alphonso's many serious, insightful posts have demonstrated.

That's a great example for all of us to follow. As long as we do, and leave the malicious provocateurs to their own devices, the will melt away like so many wicked witches and the list will continue to thrive, even if, alas, the Yankees do not.

KD said...

Ouch. put me in my place, for sure. nice one!

Anonymous said...

Awwww, anonymous. You are so cute. My name is Carl Pavano. My address is 1317 west Palm Drive Jupiter Fla. come and get some. I already took $39.95 M from your beloved Yankees. Now, I'll take your dignity and teeth.

Anonymous said...

I'd leave my number, but I remember your mom telling me she had to shit off the long distance calling option on the phone in the basement. Where you live.

But do me a favor - can you check under her bed? I think I left my boots there last night.

Anonymous said...

I just want to say there is more than one anonymous that thinks Mustang is a douche. As for the THAT Anonymous, he's a person of considerable intelligence, but honestly, Alphonso is just a mean drunk douche.