Tuesday, March 25, 2014


It’s been a great spring for the Yanks and the Yankiverse is gravid with anticipation. I know you feel it too, right? The results of the current poll shout YES! Hell, we’re almost through camp with injuries only to Ellsbury and what’s his name. You know, that guy at short with the noodle bat. Brandon somebody. I think. And today it was announced that the Yanks almost certainly did win the Montero/Pineda trade. Compared to last spring, these are good times.

Of course, followers of our leader, el Duque, keep one eye out for the tell-tale signs of disaster. The all-too-predictable disasters inherent to an aged lineup, whatever the sport but especially baseball. This can take a toll on us minions. The mental energy and focus required is exhausting and we need to occasionally kick back and partake of a fermented adult beverage. And by “occasionally” I mean every freaking night. At times like these, loyal IIHIIFII..c followers can’t help but wonder ‘WWJD’? Just What Would John Drink, anyhow? We instinctively look toward the Master for guidance.
Well my friends, the officially unofficial cocktail of the NYY (and John Sterling) is, without doubt, the Manhattan. (We play in the Bronx but big deal. Very few Yankee fans live in the Bronx.)  I know this because of a discreet conversation I had in the Jim Beam lounge men’s room with ex-Senator Larry Craig (R- Idaho). As Larry tells it, he and John met at a Republican mixer in Washington. The Orioles had just hosted the Yanks and John, not wishing to garner attention in Baltimore, donned his usual Groucho glasses disguise and hopped the MARC train to DC. John and Larry hit it off immediately and swapped many a tale of overbearing female coworkers, and just females in general, really. They never truly catch on to a clever musical reference and certainly do not appreciate a climactic win-warble. Larry and John drank Manhattans ‘till way past curfew but I couldn’t get many details of what transpired after that point. Larry DID give me John’s Manhattan recipe, however!  (Copy and save. You’ll thank the Master AND his friend “Love Hammer” Larry later.)

3 parts Bulliet Bourbon (Sorry Yankees. A bold announcer needs bolder bourbon than Jim Beam).

1 Part Carpano Antica Formula Vermouth. Accept no substitutes. I mean it.

Dash Angostura aromatic bitters
Shake over ice, strain

One or two Luxardo Maraschino cherries, plus a little juice. Go ahead and buy them. What the fuck are you saving your money for? Hell, you might die tomorrow, you know.
Serve straight up or on the rocks.

WWJD if he were you? Mix a damn pitcher of these things, and then look for The Hammer’s number. It’s in here somewhere. God, that bitch Suzyn’s been in my wallet!


Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

Like John himself, you apparently had better things to do than pay attention to this game tonight. John called it "not exactly exciting" so I understand... But seriously, short of saying John's theme song should be "mad about the boy"... Ah never mind, I'm listening to a boring game. Suzyn is telling stories... Earlier John interrupted Suzyn to complain how sometimes people's egos get in the way. That is not Ryan Howard, that John Mayberry, and they HAVE NO CLUE who is playing but back to Suzyns story. This game has been so boring john stopped interrupting Suzyn, eventually just saying "while that story was going on" blankety blank from Scranton tried to steal third. But that's how it goes, a baseball game is just something in the background while the story has been going on. BTW queers don't drink manhattans. Otherwise, I liked your story.

Mustang said...

Cut the vermouth in half and you've got my vote.

Mustang said...

By the way, KD: magnificent use of that comic book panel.

JM said...

I consume Manhattans on a regular basis, and your choice of branded ingredients is excellent. One small quibble: the original Manhattan wasn't made with bourbon, but with rye. After years of downing the Southern nectar, a bartender of close acquaintance clued me in to the whiskey of choice for much of our history. It's less sweet than bourbon and is somewhat more forgiving the day after, probably because of the lower sugars content.

If you care to try a Manahatta the way it was made for the first half of its illustrious existence, I suggest Templeton rye. My favorite, although there are several good ones out on the shelves these days.

Or, of course, you can stick to bourbon but only one as good as KD's suggestion. Beam and Jack need not apply.

KD said...

I'll try swapping bourbon for rye if I can find the Templeton, then fuss with the vermouth ratio. experimentation in this realm is uniquely enjoyable and rewarding.

Master, if you are reading this, I apologize for tinkering with your recipe. And please tell Larry we miss his posts.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Thanks for the suggestion KD, I also listened to last night's 'not exactly exciting' snoozefest of a game so could have used a Manhattan sized Manhattan,,,,
Great post!

Alphonso said...

I like the recipe, particularly the expensive cherries.

I am also a canadian whiskey preferrer…..crown royal black makes a tasty manhattan.

I can tell you that, while attending spring training, John drinks martinis at the cocktail hour. This from a visual, witnessed siting.

And he hunts chicks.

Mustang said...

Seconding Templeton Rye. A bartender told me that a jobber told her that Templeton was the chosen brand of Al Capone. Good enough for me.