Tuesday, June 3, 2014

The Yankees are a Sori team full of Sori excuses

He came up last night with runners on base in a game we still could win. The YES court jesters said he was 4 for his last 23, but ready to bust out. King Felix never threw a strike. He took three hacks and wandered back to his stool, Grandyman-like, while I screamed: "GOOD! THANK YOU! GOOD!"

Yes, folks... I was glad. I wanted him to strike out. It's that bad. I'm back in John Mayberry Territory - the land of Travis Hafner, Andruw Jones, Vernon Wells and countless Tartabulls. I'm back to rooting against a Yankee - so sickened by the sight of Alfonso Soriano that I've taken to hoping that he goes 0 for 30, so we can cut bait on his sorry Sori butt.

Dear God, I have fallen down, and I cannot get up.

No matter. The Yankees won't bench Sori. For all their "free-spending" ways, the Yankees never walk away from a dime they've shelled out on a clunker. Nope. They ride it into the ground, their mouthpieces on YES forever assuring us that he's on the verge of busting out. Oh, Jesse Barfield jeeuuuuuuuuust missed that one, otherwise it would have been an upper-decker - instead of a pop-up. Oh, he jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust missed it.

Kill me. Please. Somebody. In the head, while I'm sleeping. Just do it.


It's gotten late, early. Overnight. Mark Teixeira's wrist has pushed everything into Defcon 4. Without Tex, this team couldn't beat the Jamaican bobsledders. There is talk - thus far, among disillusioned bloggers - of signing Kendrys Morales. For weeks, I've beaten the drums for such a move. Now, I dunno.

The Yankees need to be ALL IN or ALL OUT - and maybe we should consider the latter.

From now on, Hal Steinbrenner must gauge every move on how it will affect next year. Otherwise, come next June, we will be in the same sorry boat. We'll be watching the old Jeter version of A-Rod - without gifts and ovations - while Tex and CC slog against deteriorating frames - and yet another free agent class slides toward mediocrity. Next year would be our third straight without making the playoffs - and this is the Bud Selig expanded version, not the 1980s model. This would be a genuinely horrible operation, run by billionaire heirs and an entourage of suck-ups. We may be turning into the Knicks.

Sorry to be negative. But a 10-2 loss, following a 7-2 loss - both to tomato cans - doesn't inspire hope.

Two Yankees have performed well this year. Of course, the first is Masahiro Tanaka. Hopefully, this will inspire Hal to again recognize the existence of Cuba and Japan. The second player is Yangervis Solarte, a nobody. Want to hear something weird? We might have three more Solartes languishing in Gitmo Scranton. But because of Soriano, Brian Roberts, Ichiro, Beltran, et al - we won't ever see them.

There is a veteran minor leaguer named Zelous Wheeler - the guy plays everywhere; he's hitting .297. There is a tiny Cuban outfielder called Adonis Garcia; he had a nice hitting streak; he's batting .304. And Jose Pirela, a 2B, has been on a tear, lifting his average to .318. They are in their late 20s, none is a real prospect, and the Yankees have never viewed them as anything more than organizational fodder. (As they did with Solarte.) All they do is hit. They won't get a shot, unless the Yankee swamp is drained. But we'll keep playing Sori because - well, who knows - maybe he'll get hot.

We can come in fourth with Sori, and we can come in fourth without him. I guess it doesn't matter. But the Redsocks have righted their ship, and the AL East could be a dangerous place again. Right now, I can't watch. When a certain player comes to bat, I am a threat to hurt my TV.


John M said...

These are the times that try men's livers. At least all of this drinking is sure trying mine.

What a sad, sorry excuse for a team. Jeter should have spared himself the embarrassment this year and stayed in one of the 48 gazillion rooms in his mansion covering half of Florida.

Wherefore art thou, Folly Floater?

Rose City Wobbly said...

Oh c'mon duque. Losing to the M's Felix Hernandez (ex-future Yankee by the way) is no "tomato can loss". And please - look at the bright side ... if "doncha know" had gone all Kyle Seager up on your squad with 12 total bases last night - most of you IIIH!IIF!IIc bloggers would have jumped off the Verrazano Bridge on your lemming like 2014 Ferry to nowhere!

KD said...

As it turns out, you CAN predict baseball. as long as it's Sori at bat, that is.

KD said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Riot Tapes said...

Without being THAT guy you have to question the "spend half a billion in the off season" mentality at play.

There's no depth at positions, there's no depth at starting pitching and the money owed isn't gonna evaporate next year.

For 500M they basically got Els and their one good pitcher. Pretty steep price.

Austria's Only Baseball Fan said...

Did I hear booing when Soriano struck out for the third (or was it fourth?) time tonight?